Am I allowed to feel sick and betrayed here? Because I do
diniesaur
Veteran
Joined: 2 Sep 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 758
Location: in the Ministry of Silly Walks
This doesn't happen to me a whole lot, probably because two-faced people don't usually want to be near me, but it DOES happen sometimes and I HATE it.
Basically, someone will be perfectly nice to me and then turn around and be really hateful towards one or more of my other people--friends, family, acquaintances, etc.--with no warning to me. Then I'll hear from my friends that this person REALLY hurt their feelings, and this person will still not do anything to me...WHY does this happen?
I feel sick because I'll start to actually LIKE someone who turns out to be really mean...but only to other people. I feel betrayed. Is this a valid feeling? I'm not the one who was directly hurt.
What do I DO in these situations? Try to mediate? Get the other person out of my life? Talk about it? It's so confusing because I have these conflicting memories...the person being totally nice and cool with me and seeming to like me, and my friends being all upset/disgusted/hurt/whatever at the person's actions. I don't know how to feel.
Sorry if this comes out kind of ranty...I just now found out that someone who was super nice to me was venomous and hateful to some of my favorite people and I kind of needed to spill out feelings somewhere.
hey, i've had the same thing happen to me many times. it's really disconcerting, but ive had to learn that i couldnt take it personally, because it wasnt about me. depending on what theyre saying to the other person, i reccomend either making it clear to them that you arent comfertable with them being mean in front of you, or completely dropping the new friend. once i tried solving the issue the two people had, and i ended up with a bunch of drama i didnt want and 2 less friends.
you cant get involved, but you can limit what you see. it sucks, but people just have different connections and histories with different people, and its nearly impossible to change that ![]()
diniesaur
Veteran
Joined: 2 Sep 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 758
Location: in the Ministry of Silly Walks
Well, they aren't mean IN FRONT of me...that's the thing. I see no evidence of these people being mean to my friends until I find out about it later...and at that point, I feel tricked. And since I CAN'T get involved I can't confront them about it, so they never know that I know, and they just keep on being super sweet and supportive with me even though I know they were horrible to my friends.
This most recent time, the guy was really nice and friendly with me and then really mean to one of my best friends on the same day--for all I know, he could've been doing this at the same time (all this happened over internet this time). I'm not sure if I can get rid of this other person or make it stop without confronting him and this is something I'm REALLY not supposed to confront him about--even more so than the other situations. There's not really much I can do.
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