Feeling insecure about contacting people outside of school?

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Chernobyl
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30 May 2014, 2:12 pm

There are some "school friends" I really like but I'm not confident about adding/following them on social sites. I wasn't very confident at the start but it got worse when I tried to talk to a girl online last year and she blew off all my efforts. There is one girl I'm definitely going to try to keep in contact with but I just feel nervous about following her. There are some people who even told me to add them on Facebook and I still haven't, I guess I'm kind of afraid they will see that I'm really not quiet like I am in person.



SammichEater
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30 May 2014, 9:51 pm

Stop worrying about it and just do it. You're only going to make yourself even more anxious.


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Pitabread123
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11 Jun 2014, 3:20 am

I agree, being with people in school has a certain predictability and security to it, and it can be kind of offsetting for less socially-experienced folks to spend time with people outside of those routines. You can kind of just take baby steps to begin with, so may be invite one of your more outgoing friends over to your place. I'm not making a formal diagnosis or anything, but you may want to find out more about Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). which sounds like it might describe your situation. You don't sound like you have very serious anxiety by any means, but in any case it may be a good idea to see a professional if you think these kind of feelings are interfering with your life.

Quote:
I guess I'm kind of afraid they will see that I'm really not quiet like I am in person

I'm confused as to what exactly do you mean by this? I mean, how can you be different than how you are "in person"?



Anna_K
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17 Jun 2014, 8:35 am

I am always nervous about contacting school friends for the first time outside of school, especially if I am calling them for the first time because I feel like I am bothering them. I suggest just take small steps, get to know them well in school, then maybe add/follow them on social network, and finally ask them to hang out with you, or invite them to your house. When you invite someone to do something outside of school, it is better to invite a few close friends rather than just one person. Your friend is less likely to reject you if he/she knows other friends will be there. I'm not saying that rejection can't happen, I'm just saying its less likely under those circumstances. Good luck!!



gigstalksguy
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17 Jun 2014, 9:50 am

When it comes to Facebook and social media, lots of people will like to have as many friends as possible, so there should be no big issue with adding someone from school as a facebook friend.

If you're nervous about asking people to meet up with you outside of school, or in a different context, that's understandable as what you're doing is taking a step towards a closer friendship with that person. It may help to find a reason, or even think of a reason why you would like to meet up with such a person outside your usual environment. Some common activity, passion or interest to talk about. Not only will those make the friendships you have more authentic, but it also puts the focus on whatever it is you're doing together, rather than the fact you're meeting up and want to get to know them better.

This way rejection is also easier to deal with, as it won't be so much a rejection of you, as it will be a rejection of the time/place/situation you're inviting them into.

Hope that helps :D


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