I feel like the loneliest person in the world.

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I keep trying to talk to people but I never really click. Even the ones I click with don't have much time for me, certainly not enough time to be a real friend. Might get invited somewhere once and then that's my "quota" of their time all used up, that's how it seems.

To adjust to my newfound aloneness several years ago, I decided to maintain (and maybe improve) my social skills by having imaginary conversations with imaginary people (like when people practice speeches using mirrors or justthe imagination). I tried at first imagining famous people from history, or even some from contemporary life, until I had a menagerie of personalities with whom I could use to practice better conversations by (hopefully) recognizing any mistakes before I tried them out with real, living people. As a result, I believe that there was some degree of improvement, but an even greater decrease of lonliness. The lonliness is still there, but, with my imaginary skills, it isn't as depressing as before.

I hope that doesn't come across as suggesting that you make-believe tea with some make-believe friends. Same idea, just a lot more sophisticated.

I think I always have done that. Back when I was a child the imaginary conversations were always arguments with people though, because in real life I was being misunderstood basically every time I spoke so I felt people were being combative and so I spent years practicing debate in my head just so I would have a chance to come back at these people when they took what I said all wrong.

Nowadays the stuff I imagine is more normal but there's still a combative element to it, I still feel I have to take great care to be understood and not mocked.

I am really surprised that with Autism becoming more common thing, people would not be more understanding and accepting than they are. People are weird.