Not having a good enough memory to be cultured

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This concerns having a difficult time with finding people you can easily hang out with.

I don't like talking about clothes. When it comes to non-American football I couldn't care less except when it comes to World/Euro cups. I despise reality shows and talking about people behind their backs. The list of common topic goes on and on which I'm not worried about not being talkative about.

But I do know people who are philosophers, who are really into some of the music I like, who have traveled just as much as I have, who have visited more museums and landmarks than I have, who read interesting books, etc. And I still can't make conversation, not for more than a few minutes anyway. I'm amazed when people tell me they discussed a certain topic with a friend for an hour or two - then I feel inferior.

That's because my problem isn't small talk in itself, it's conversation about subjects in general. I only remember snippets of news stories I have just read not 3 hours ago. I have difficulty summarizing the book I finished reading the night before, and if I do manage to do so it doesn't sound appealing even to me. I remember "pictures" of my travels in my head and I remember liking them, but if you asked me why or what I liked best I'll struggle to put it into words.

So what happens is the only kind of conversations I end up having are the ones that have potential to be intriguing, but don't go anywhere - exceptions being when I ask questions and just let the other person talk. And small talk, like "how have you been", talking about something that just happened in class and yes, the freaking weather.

I find myself coming to the conclusion that I don't hate being different and for potentially being on the spectrum, I hate not being able to make people I like and who are nice to me enjoy my company. I don't thinking having an improved memory would immediately erase my problems, but it would go a long way. Don't know if this thread is supposed to achieve anything, but if you have suggestions on how to improve "access memory" quality and time I'll be glad to read them.

I don't have any suggestions, but just wanted to say that I am the same way. I have a high profile career and can't seem to engage in intellectual conversation with my colleagues for much the same reasons you describe. When I'm in the process of reading something, it makes perfect sense and I have great thoughts about the content. I can't ever translate those thoughts into words in order to discuss them with others, however. It's a real problem, especially in a research environment! Everybody is always talking about the latest article they read, conference they attended, etc., and I just can't make that happen. Really frustrating!

Is this an Aspie trait? Where it created disastrous issues for me was in school having to discuss literary topics in class and construct essays around certain themes. You'd have to create a position around the naturalism of a particular author and need to pull references from other naturalists, or you'd have to discuss realism and how it is depicted in Hardy or Conrad, how their work mirrored the artistic mood of the time toward realism? not even sure if that's where they fit, because after all the study, it is difficult to track where someone falls, and I don't understand the categorization or how people can think their analysis of literary themes has validity unless supported by the author's own stated intentions. I didn't do well on the AP exam. I did find the work of Jeffers in that class and felt intrigued by his work (as you can see in my sig.), but again, he would make references to classical themes or myths, and to really get the meaning you'd have to know the reference, and my brain just doesn't seem to be able to store and access in that manner.

I've all the issues you just mentioned my entire life. I poetry, but unlike many poetry lovers I know, I can't memorize them (maybe a line here and there). Weird, I was just thinking about this problem the other night.

Honestly I have a hard time with pop culture discussions as well. I love music, but if someone gets me into a conversation about it, 99% of the time they'll mention some popular artist I've never bothered listening to. Similarly, with video games, someone will mention some game they played, and 99% of the time, it won't be something I've actually played. I have strange tastes, and instead of trying new things out, I tend to go back to things I knew and loved in the past.

So maybe that?s why neurotypicals seem to find anything involving only raw memorization easy and the systematic application of rules strangely hard. Perhaps they simply have a better memory than ours by orders of magnitude, which we can?t even imagine, and following rules just seems hard in comparison

All I can do is nod in agreement with the others. I experience this, very much so; I've even considered starting a thread on my own about this to get some feedback.

I sometimes go to semi-social get-togethers and dinners with old acquaintances as well as some new acquaintances, and I'm always worried because I don't have all that much to bring to the table in terms of conversation material. I, too, have trouble retaining info from long ago that I haven't regurgitated every day or at least week. I typically talk to the other, more interesting person as a kind of 'quizmaster'; mostly asking questions like you say in your opening post.

I honestly don't know how to make this better, except maybe finding peace with the realisation that I just don't possess certain qualities- I try to just talk about what I know, and continue to ask questions if it's a topic I don't know about. It's working out okay.

On another forum they've suggested that I write a journal - something I used to do but quit early on because I simply didn't like it. I guess progress comes at a price though.

I have this same problem with conversation. I don't think that it's necessarily a memory problem. I tend to overthink everything, and by the time I know what I really want to say, the conversation has ended. It may also be due to anxiety, because I am worried about being criticized.

My memory is fine, but I still can't maintain these types of conversations. I can rattle off facts, but I don't know how to engage the other person in a two-way conversation, or how to appropriately respond to what they say.