Am I making too much of a big deal out if this?

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I used to have this friend, we met in Grade 5 at a summer camp, didn't see each other again until 2 years later, when we found out that we were in the same middle school. We were acquaintances, but we didn't talk much cuz we had different classes different friends etc. Then I started high school, we had a class together and we became closer. I always suspected something was "different" about her. I made another post about her behaviour towards me and why I was bothered by it: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt268057.html

She did something one day that made me never speak to her again. So she asked one day if she could borrow a book of mine. I agreed to it, cuz of course if I say no, she will probably take it the wrong way. I didn't get it back for a while, and I had to ask her for it back. When she gave it back, it was stained with art supplies which she keeps in her bag. But I was extremely upset that she didn't even have the nerve to APOLOGIZE for the damage that she did to it. She could see I was upset, cuz when I saw it I was lost for words, I didn't know what to say.

I was so mad that I never spoke to her again, I avoided her and every place where she hung out, everyone that she was also friends with. I would hang out by myself in the library for 2 weeks. After that, I started talking to other people who she wasn't friends with. But I still kinda avoid her to this day cuz its just become a natural thing for me to avoid her. She still tries to talk to me cuz shes in one of my classes this year, but idk if I'm blowing it out of proportion or not? What do you think?

she might well be totally clueless about your displeasure. I speak from experience.

I don't think you're blowing it out of proportion. I am extremely careful with books I borrow from someone, and I would feel absolutely dreadful if I damaged it in any way. Personally I would be done with that person. That is just too disrespectful for me.
I don't let anyone borrow anything from me anymore after I lost a book and a fave NES game that way. I learned my lesson at 13, and at 37 I can still safely say that the only person who is allowed to borrow from me is my mother.
I never trust anyone else with anything that is valuable to me. I always say no, and I don't care one bit if they don't like it.

I would be done with her too, it's too disrespectful for my liking also. It's a thing of mine to keep my books as nice as possible, and this would have horrified me. She may not have meant any harm, as some people are not troubled about things getting the worse for wear and they may be oblivious even about taking care of something that belongs to someone else. But still, she didn't apologize, and that's certainly grounds for refusing any future borrowing.

I think that if this had been a really good friend, you might naturally feel the desire to try to work it out. Even if you stopped talking to them for a while because you were really upset that they damaged your property.

On the other hand, if this was a good friend they would likely be respectful enough that even if they messed up and mishandled something of yours they would apologize for it.

I looked at your post about this person's behavior, and they seem extremely self-absorbed, rude, indifferent to other people's needs and feelings. I mean basically they just don't seem like a good friend. So, given the context I don't think you are blowing anything out of proportion, personally. It took me a really really long time to learn how to distance myself from such people and I suffered a lot of hurt and personal anguish because I would repeatedly put myself in positions where I thought I should just be nice to everyone- but we are taught that being nice should include accepting close friendship and relationships with everyone who wants it.

This can lead to hurt and harm and exhaustion of personal resources.
If you feel hurt and you feel this person is careless [I don't know if these are your feelings, but just using an example], I would go with that until/unless they are able to display a new and consistent pattern of behavior which proves otherwise.

I really wish I had thought of something like that when I was in highschool, but it took me until my mid 20s to come to that final mindset and put it into practice.

The result, however is that the friends I have are ones I have had for years and years and years and are very loving and kind, very strong and care for me very much.

Haha. This has become kind of a rant, but I really think you should go with your gut and not let people tell you your are blowing things out of proportion if someone continually disrespects you. The behavior you have described of this person shows a pattern of careless disrespect.

I was never taught so, but I knew it was the expectation. I just never cared about that. I have always held the view that people have the right to reject whom they don't want, and that no one is entitled anyone's friendship. I have always blown off those I didn't want to deal with my entire life. Still do. Last time was a year ago. Life's too short to willingly spend time with someone you don't like or even dislike.
I've always been very good at upholding my personal borders.

I'm not looking for popularity, I'm looking for personal joy or just contentment.

The flip side is that I care so much when I care. I want so desperately to help them when something is wrong in their lives, and their hardships feel like they're mine too.

I would let them have another try, you might just not want to lend her books in the future. If she's offended by this you can remind her she still hasn't replaced the last book she borrowed from you and ruined.

Yeah, its a big thing of mine to keep everything of mine nice looking too. I get so nervous when someone touches anything of mine. I told my mom about how I didn't want anything to do with her, and that I was really mad etc. She said that she understood why I was upset but that I could still be friends with her and just not let her borrow anything. She also told me it was silly that I cut off contact with her completely, and avoided her at school.

But that made me mad cuz I also specifically told my parents that I didn't want anything to do with her anymore, not just cuz she ruined my book, but because of her other rude, ignorant behaviours outlined in my last post. Especially cuz she was the one who noticed that her behaviour was a bit "off" and that she may be on the spectrum.

Anyways, I'm glad that some people here think that I was doing the right thing. It makes me feel a lot better. So thanks! ^_^

It's your stuff and you have the right to be mad. But to disown someone as a friend seems a bit extreme.

This concerns me more than anything though - if you aren't comfortable with it from the start, why do it? Learning when to say no is very important.

You had every right to be upset with her and I would be too knowing who I am. For one thing she was careless and irresponsible in returning the book and then she damaged what was your property. If that was not enough she did not have the courtesy to apologize for what happened. It sounds like she did not care.

As for avoiding her and her wanting to communicate, it might be a good idea to pull her to the side and explain how disappointed you were with her damaging your property and realizing that you were upset. You may also let her know that you don't trust her.