How was my she trying to help me?

Post Reply New Topic

People say is am introverted, very shy, reserved and hard to get to know. Althought I have got friends.


My aunt got annoyed with me recently and said to me "you are a tortured soul and I feel sorry for you". And she went onto say "you only have to yourself to blame when you are sitting in your room by yourself with no one giving a s**t about you"

How do you think my aunt was trying help by these comments?

Lot of people live under the belief that name calling and shaming and put downs will make the person do the opposite because they didn't like what they heard.

I assume she said something like, "I'm only trying to help you" when you objected to what she said. It's like when you tell a fat man "hey, you're way too fat" then say you just want to encourage him to lose weight. Maybe she thought telling you the 'truth' would make you be more social and less depressed. But just like telling a fat guy he's fat isn't helpful, telling you what you already know doesn't make you better.

Perhaps you should ask her directly how she thinks pity and blame are helpful, whether they help her personally, and whether she was just angry and trying to take it out on you in a socially acceptable way. Ask her to think about those things for a while before she responds.

What she said is messed up, man. It sounds more like she's blowing off steam than trying to help you. Do you live with her? If so, maybe she just wants you to go hang out with your friends so she can have the place to herself (which is obviously self serving). I have a hard time getting out of the house, though I usually feel lifted (and exhausted) if I make the effort to get out with friends. If you're feeling lonely or depressed, take advantage of the fact that you do have friends. As for what she said, try not to take it to heart. If it helps, I can imagine my parents saying something like that to me.

People often append the words 'it is for your own good', or 'I am trying to help you' to a statement that is just nasty and hateful.

They only do it because they really want to be nasty - the part added to the end is just to try stop you from being able to say anything back to them.

Your aunt is not trying to help you. She is just nasty.

Are you sure she was trying to help? Those comments say more about her own frustration, which she is wrongfully projecting onto you. It seems as though some people use "tough love" as an excuse to belittle without consequence. Tough love =/= insults.

In her brusque, rude way, I beliving expressing concern for you was her intention.

That being said, if you're happy with your social life and such, I'd disregard her tirade and focus on what it is I am doing right.