"Excluding" people from social occasions?

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Today at school I was trying to arrange a get together over winter break with a friend of mine. It was great until this girl(ex friend of mine)who I have had problems with joins the conversation. I don't want to leave the conversation and ditch my friend, and I don't want to say anything to this other girl, so I just kept making arrangements with my friend.

I posted about this girl in another thread and outlined why I had problems with her. Everything was fine today until she asked if she could come to someones house after school cuz she never has anything better to do. She always does this. I made up a story about how I was busy preparing for Xmas and that I can't have friends over.

She got the msg, but my friend was still talking about how we should hang out over at my house and have our own little party there. I would be thrilled except that this other girl thinks that we are still cool and that she is automatically included in it. I'm afraid that if I go along with it, my friend will show up with this other girl when I don't want her there. If you read the post I made about her, you will understand why I don't want her at my house over the holidays.

How can I make sure she doesn't show up to my house with my friend over the holidays without sounding mean? I'm afraid to tell my friend(who doesn't know I dislike her) that I don't like her cuz I'm scared she will tell her and I'll look like the bad guy.

hey anna

where to go with this..well, what is the general history between this girl and your friend, does she get along better with your friend than with you, or not? you say that she doesn't know you dislike her - what keeps you from telling her?

she sounds somewhat like a tag-along, i've been there.

if she ends up coming and doesn't feel rejection from your other friend (you say that she got the msg from you at least) there's a possibility that she could use your friend as a way to circumvent you in the future. and keep coming back. maybe.

has she done this before at all before?

sorry i don't really know what what thread you're talking about but, what would you value more:
temporarily satisfying her at the sake of your plans, or potentially hurting her feelings but having a better time in the long run?

She does this kind of thing all the time and it drives me crazy. I know that my friend gets along with my ex friend well, but I don't think that she likes my ex friend better than me or anything like that. I always suspected that girl of being on the spectrum, I outlined it in this post awhile ago:

viewtopic.php?t=268057

And she did get the msg that she wasn't welcome at my house at that particular time, I stopped letting her come over after she broke stuff of mine once and almost got me in trouble. I'm still unsure whether or not she got the full msg that I don't want her in my house at any time.

But I guess since my other friend talked about coming to my house over winter break, she automatically thought she was also included.

I don't like giving her the satisfaction and I don't want her thinking that she can come to my house and do whatever she wants and she will get away with it and no one will care, cuz thats obviously not true. At the same time if I say anything to her, I'm gonna sound like an a**hole.

just tell your friend to be discreet about it and it won't make you look bad if you explain that you aren't trying to be mean you just dont feel like you're good enough friends with the other girl to be comfortable having her over

^this.
you could possibly ask your friend to tell her herself, if she's ok with it

I would say breaking your stuff is an EXCELLENT reason to exclude someone from your house.

This.

hm. when did you plan the meetup - it has happened yet?

Although I wouldn't want her over either after she broke my stuff, it's unkind to talk about having a party in front of her when you won't allow her to come. I'm not sure the right thing to do now, but whatever you do, it's kinder and you will look better if you say as little that's negative about her as possible. That doesn't mean you need to invite her over, just try not to say too much bad about her.

Thats true. My friend was the one who brought up the topic, then the other girl joined us when we were making arrangements. I'm not sure if she was actually going to invite her to join us or not. Although if its at my house, I should have the right to make that decision.



I haven't actually planned any party, but I am meeting up with that same friend and another girl(who I know from school and I don't dislike her) and we are going out for the day, rather than hanging around at my house. But that should be fine cuz this other girl doesn't know about this plan.



I haven't said anything to anyone at school about how I dislike her. I only rant about it at home cuz somehow I can keep my mouth shut at school but as soon as I get home I cannot keep quiet most of the time about anything.