I met a girl with Aspergers

Post Reply New Topic

I met a girl with Aspergers in my Physiology class, she did not start out in the class but im assuming the teacher let her come to our class because it was more convenient for her or something. I did not notice her right away but after some comments and questions she asked I started paying closer attention. I was fairly sure she was on the higher functioning end of the spectrum so when the opportunity presented itself I asked her about it and she confirmed my assumption. I didn't really get a chance to talk to her because she left. I was soo excited to meet someone like me (almost as if meeting someone of my same species)

The next day in class I asked her if she was on Facebook and if I could add her to which she said yes. She asked me if I tell many people that I have Aspergers to which I replied probably more than I should. I told her I was very interested in her as I have never met a female with Aspergers before. From what I can tell she has had a very difficult time with Aspergers even though she was diagnosed a lot younger than I was. She even seems to be ashamed of having it which I guess I can understand.

She does not really talk to me even though I have lots of questions I want to ask her, but I dont want to bug the crap out of her. I thought she was mad at me or did not like me or something but then I saw her after a test at school I said her name she turned smiled and waved at me. I then talked to her later that day of Facebook and thats when I learned she is ashamed of having it and I kind of outed her in front of another kid and teacher. I apologized but she never responded.

It confused me that she would act so friendly in person and not so much over the net (where I would assume it would be easier to communicate). One possible explanation is that she has learned out to act very well in public. It would be soo much easier if she would just unfriend me so I would know where we stand.

Although thanks to her I realized I want to find more of my own kind and have made steps to do so.

I just want to find out what happened to her to make her want to hide who she is, (i asked her about that to which she replied too personal, which I understand seeing as how I only just met her.).

I dont know what to do and thinking about her makes me anxious for some reason.

Perhaps her condition has been the source of some hardship in the course of her history?
All I can tell you is to be yourself in that you will feel more comfortable that way; if she likes you for who you are, well that's the best thing that could happen! Otherwise, know that there's someone out there that is better suited to your personality.

I can relate to that girl somewhat. I grew up feeling that showing my autistic traits was revealing how damaged I was. I became very good at hiding in plain sight, because any attention focused on me meant trouble. Like many, I grew up with a chorus of "what is wrong with you?", and stayed out of trouble by keeping to myself. When it became too much for me, I saw the looks and sensed the whispers--a mix of pity from some, disgust from others. Due to a lack of understanding, I thought I must be quite warped indeed.

I envy you for meeting someone of a similar situation as yourself, I have met no such person who I would have regular contact with.

Normally when people feel ashamed it is because they are made to feel that way or they have a very low opinion of themselves and try to justify this by acting in a certain manner, if I were you I would really just try to be nice and take an interest in her as a person not just the diagnosis, yes you may have a 101 questions you want to ask but really do get to know her well and build that trust before asking her those things.

As for interaction, personal contact and social networking are very different tools of engagement, socially we use body language most of the time to express how we feel or what we think, in social networking you rely entirely on the content of wording that is presented to you and because you are deprived of natural social communicators it can be quite easy to misunderstand what one feels when typing something to you, chances are her opinion of you has not changed much if at all.

Try not to let your interest in her become an unhealthy fixation, if you take to time to treat her with compassion and acceptance for who she is then she may very well open up more to you, but it takes time.

Do also keep in mind that 'coming out' with an AS diagnosis can hinder job and other friend prospects. Not all the time, and sometimes it's helpful to disclose, but that should be the individual's choice and the decision should be made carefully. (Even if their traits are obvious to everyone).

For example, if I want to be successful in my chosen career path, there is no way I can let on I have AS, even though everyone knows I'm neurotic. Actually, there's no way I can let on that I'm less than perfect; even type-1 diabetics have had to hide their illness. It's ridiculous, but it is what it is.

People can have a myriad of reasons as to why they hide their diagnosis. If this girl isn't a close friend, it's probably quite confronting to be asked questions about something so personal. You're right not to want to bug the crap out of her, and take it from a female Aspie, you'll only drive her away if you do.

I think take it slowly and just talk to her about more general things as you would with other people. AS can be a rather sensitive topic especially early on, if you can be closer friends it'll probably be easier for her to talk about it.

_________________
A smile costs nothing

omg u met a girl with aspergers?!

no way! Thats like encountering a shiny pokemon with pokerus.

As a girl on the spectrum, I can relate a lot to her. I have never told my friends about it, they don't suspect anything. I had a friend on the spectrum (he told me so) and he eventually found out that I did too because my mom told his mom behind my back which I was upset about. He would ask me questions about why I never told anyone before, and it bothered me because its a sensitive subject for me to talk about with a friend.

Asking too personal questions when you are just getting to know someone isn't a good idea. Keep the topics general, talk about interests, hobbies, current issues etc. Keep it casual.