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kdm1984
Velociraptor
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Joined: 31 May 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 443
Location: SW MO, USA

17 Mar 2015, 9:40 pm

I've had two meltdowns the past week. I'm so frustrated and tired of trying to explain myself in person or in writing, only for people to completely miss the mark and misunderstand what I'm trying to get at, even after I've explained myself four or five times.

I hear lots of criticism that I'm unassertive in person. I'm this way because I like to take my time figuring things out before leaping to quick, extroverted, fast conclusions. I get so tired of being told I'm unassertive that occasionally I blow up and get extremely aggressive just so I can stop hearing this crap. Then I'm criticized for being "too" assertive. There are so many neurotypicals you can just never satisfy.

When I then remark how frustrated I am trying to understand and satisfy social relations and expectations, neurotypicals like to say that I'm trying too hard to "please people" and wonder why I "care what people think." Look, I'm just trying to figure out how to SOCIALIZE and DO A JOB! It's so hilarious how neurotypicals will say, "oh, you're not being social or tactful enough," and then when you try to say something, you're an aggressive people-pleaser. Contradiction is the norm for neurotypicals. (And for all their talk about how unimportant it is to care what people think, they care a great big darn deal about how YOU react to THEM, and expect YOU to care about what THEY say. Again, con-tra-dic-tion.)

Just today my sister told me she was a more linear thinker than I was. A couple of weeks ago, she said I was too black and white. CON-TRA-DIC-TION. But you can't tell neurotypicals this - they will manipulate words so that it fits their assumptions, and keep aggressively slamming you in the process. And they wonder why you blow up.

What else? I try to explain why students find me boring as a substitute teacher (monotone Aspie, you know the deal). I'm giving an objective explanation. What do neurotypicals do? Ask me why I'm worried about "pleasing the students." Even after I've told them several times it's not about PLEASING THEM, but trying to figure out how to SOCIALLY ENGAGE THEM so that they can LEARN and not tune me out because I'm "boring."

There is no talking with neurotypicals. Darned if you do, darned if you don't. If you talk, you're doing it all wrong, and you're being "scary" or whatever. If you don't, or you try to ask for advice about social situations, they assume you're some doormat who wants to kiss rear end all the time.

I'm sick of it. I deleted my Facebook again, I severed ties with my sister, I severed ties with several other people who wouldn't stop...I'm beyond frustrated.

I know there are some Aspies out there who can relate. 30 years old, and socializing is still like pulling teeth.



Summer_Twilight
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Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,306

18 Mar 2015, 7:18 am

I know what you mean too. It is almost like they are playing mind games with us. :roll: I think an area that is sort of like that is where I will run into and NT and I will talk about things they don't care about. I get nagged at for not talking about topics my own age.

Then I try to be myself around other people on the spectrum and I am told that my behavior is not appropriate or I get on their nerves.