Panicked on another board...

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Well, I'd had some problems on another board recently. I felt like a real noob. Then this one thread comes along, I make a post (which I later decided was poorly-phrased), and someone responded to me in a way that I thought might have been a bit condescending. I sarcastically made a comment about how I "wasn't always dumb", and his response (from what I can tell through his use of emoticons) was flustered. Well, I quickly made an apology, but I didn't want to have to face this anymore, so I panicked and deleted my account (so now I can't view the board anymore).

I'm not sure why I never got on well in that community...but I didn't post too often, so at least people won't miss me. Still, it was the only board on that particular subject in which I felt comfortable, and felt that the members were respectable...

Has anyone else ever had issues reading someone else's thoughts on the internet?

Well, the internet is hardly conducive to social interaction. It's hard enough to read body language and the like when you're looking someone in the eye. Trying to figure out their intention when you can't even hear the tone of their voice makes it a bit challenging, you might say.

Although I think deleting your account was probably a step too far. Most things will blow over after a relatively short time, and from your brief description it just sounds like a misunderstanding. It'd definitely look weird to delete your account and come back, though.

Oh no, by deleting my account, I think I've effectively driven a stake into my stay at those boards.

I just feel awkward having to deal with people after getting into a confrontation. I get really flustered and embarrassed. The fear of that feeling is what convinced me to leave.

Weird, I only know of one aspie forum where you can delete your own account, and you could still see some of it...and easily register again. I think you are putting it all out of proportion and seeing it as worse than it is. If you feel comfortable there, then just rejoin... I have little doubt many before you have deleted their accounts and made returns.

DejaQ,

I must say, I think it really isn't all that bad. In fact, if that happened to me, I imagine I would just move on - screw it. I think it really means nothing. I wouldn't have given it 2 seconds of thought. I would have read that and I probably would have laughed at his confusion or whatever the hell he had there (whether it was 'confusing' or him being 'pissed off' or him making a 'joke with emoticons'). Probably would have closed the thread as fast as I opened it without caring much while walking away with nothing more, good or bad.

I think you should not give this one more second of thought

Hello,

Look at how few posts I have and already I have had several people here call me a babbler, a troll, a flamer and several other basically mean things that I would dare ANY (EVEN INVENTOR) to say to my face.

I do not believe that some of this stuff has been said to a relative newbie here in a supposedly safe place.

Yes, I am defensive, to the point of being beligerent if someone insults me, but guess what, I have been insulted, belittled, hey four eyes, social, geek, picked on my entire LIFE. I am different and unfortunetly, I have become defensive. I do not mean to take offense so easily or to offend so flippantly, I just do.

I honestly thought that I would be immune at a place like Wrong Planent but last night while having a discussion I was insulted several times and called names unecessarily. WHY?

I do not know. I still do not get people. I enjoy a lively discussion, but people have to always take offense and make it personal, I have quit most forums just like you for almost no reason, I just did not fit in.

I am hoping to not read too many more insults here just when I finally find out about Asperger's.

I WILL NOT EVER INSULT YOU PURPOSEFULLY DEJAQ.

Thanks for letting me ramble again, I just wanted to get that off of my chest, It has been bugging me. Too damn many years of being picked on I guess.

crazedchef

Sorry, this was at Graelwin

Yeah, this was on ProBoards or something, and they have the option in your profile to delete your account. Your posts stay, but you look like a guest, basically.

I was kind of on the fence about being comfortable there... I don't feel like I could return. I have a fear of what people think about me, which is true real life as well. Even if people say something is all right, I have a tendency not to believe them. I kind of left there in a rush, so I wouldn't just want to reappear.

Last edited by DejaQ on 21 Mar 2007, 2:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have done this many times in LIFE, just stop showing up. Dropped out of school, stopped going to jobs, stopped going to certain bars, grocery stores, ice houses, any social situation thta I was made to feel uncomfortable. I knew it was just me, but I still could not face those who caused the uncomfortableness(?). Hard to explain, but I think you understand.

crazedchef

You've got to grow some skin Deja. First off, just because he got a little flustered about you making fun of yourself is absolutely no reason in my book to get upset, much less to apologize then delete your account. Im on alot of forums and have been in many debates/arguments/flamewars, its no big deal and people have them all the time. Thats one of the beautiful things about the boards, you can really voice your opinion without having to worry about encountering the tension of the situation face to face, so why not take advantage?

One of the most important rules on a forum...

Your first half year on the board...you will be considered a n00b, a troll, a young'un. You're a newbie in someone else's community.

This almost invariably means there WILL be a scrap. A big one. On almost every single freakin' forum you're on. I've had a few minor ones here already, and on my favourite clubs - REXnet, CS, IDF - there has been one SPECTACULAR argument between myself and everyone else. As in PAGES OF ARGUING! These other communities were, though, car communities; I'm a girl, they're guys, I have a non-turbo Subaru and strong opinions, and they don't like n00bs...let alone GIRL n00bs...treading on their patch.

Said explosive argument always means one of two things... a) it's time to leave, or b) it's time for people to gain some respect.

If you can argue THROUGH the argument and come to an AGREEMENT or UNDERSTANDING at the end of it, then most likely you should stay. The thing is, if you can survive an argument like that, your name on the boards is suddenly a lot more well-known. You're not just a faceless n00b. Chances are, people out there will agree with you or at least see value in you.

Suddenly you're not a n00b...you're a familiar face. A full-fledged member of the board, and in time, a respected old-timer.

I'm VERY well-known on the above three boards now, BECAUSE of the fights I've had. I have several enemies on IDF, a few people that dislike me on the WRX forums, but a whole lot more people that know me, know of me or like me. 'Shale' is a very well recognised name!

Same with WP. A few people are starting to recognise me as one of the NT girls that floats around posting here and there, sometimes rubbing people up the wrong way, sometimes pointing out that not all NTs are out there to cause trouble. The only reason is because I've been involved in a few good arguments here and there, and as you can tell I post up a storm when I want to...lol.

So the point is - there will be fights on every forum. Always always always! Your ability to fight through, survive and gain or regain the respect of fellow board members is what earns you your place in the community. Never run unless there is no hope!

ANd don't forget. It's easy to be a rambunctious, obnoxious SOB through the anonymity of the internet. Someone can really sock it to you and get away with it because you don't REALLY know who they are. You can't go to their house and give them what they deserve. You can be a big man through your keyboard much moreso than you can in real life...so fights are always far more amplified online. Always seems worse than it is!

I sure do. Been there, trying not to do it again.

At crazedchef - I don't mind if someone else acts like an ass to me, but I feel bad if I feel like I've been an ass to someone else. I like to be a non-confrontational person.

I was on the board for over a year though. Granted, I only had fifty-something posts, but I'd been there for a while. (I've been doing message boards for four to five years, been around, and the most posts I've ever got on a board was 400 over two years - my post count on this board is astronomical in comparison!)

I didn't really feel like it was a fight, I just felt uneasy.



True, but I'd never felt like I'd started something, though. I've felt like I've been on the receiving end of some flames, but that was very easy to get over (that made me more angry than afraid / upset). I have trouble being bad to people. Hell, I had trouble getting a dark side point by making a threat once in Knights of the Old Republic - I had to reload the game! I don't know why, that's just who I am.