What do you do when someone tries to "fix" you?

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I have a dear friend at work who I disclosed my AS to a while ago because he and some of his friends were teasing me about how quiet I am. He didn't realize there was a legitimate reason for it and I wanted him to understand. But it didn't go how I expected. I wanted him to accept my differences and stop bugging me about it but ever since I told him he's just been trying to make me be normal and telling me I HAVE to do better. Almost like he thinks I have a disease or something. I keep trying to tell him that I don't want him to help me and he really can't do anything to help me. I just want him to accept me for who I am. He doesn't get it. Has anyone ever experienced something like this?

I have a friend that makes fun of me because I am slow to get things and struggle because of the AS. I also can't read facial expressions and take things literally. I think it is ignorant of them to make fun of you.

I agree. People need to be educated. I just wish I knew how to go about it.

Yeah I don't really worry about think. I know who I am and if people don't like the way I am then I really don't care.

Yep. It seems some people are compulsive "fixers". You may have unknowingly awakened a latent streak of codependency in him. Maybe at some point he will give up and stop being annoying.

I hope he will. He did tell me recently that his mom has some severe type of mental illness and he's always hated her so maybe that has something to do with it. Like he's afraid of being hurt by me since he was hurt by her.

That is horrible that he hated her. I can't believe he was unable to sympathize with her. Do you find there are other things that he is doing to show that type of attitude toward you just because you are different?

In his defense it sounds like she was really neglectful of him and his siblings. It had been going on since he was too young to understand. Makes me sad that he never got help. I've told him he should get counselling or something. I don't think he hates me in the same way. But lately I feel like he's been shutting me out. He had to get an MRI for some suspected nerve damage in his leg but he refused to tell me what the results were or what was going to happen next. Why bother telling me about the MRI in the first place then? He told me to stop nagging him and that he doesn't want me to worry. But I still care about what he's going through! Maybe the pain was making him extra crabby. I asked someone else and they said he was going to get a steriod shot and that should have happened by now so hopefully things might improve some. I don't know.

It sounds like maybe he is going to be negative toward you and I am wondering if him pulling away might not be a bad thing for you.

You might be right. I probably should at least for a while. I hope it won't be forever.

My mom does it all the time.

For example she comes to my room and tells me "Look me in the eyes." and she can repeats it a few times.
I deal with it by intentionally NOT looking in her eyes when she tells me to and saying "What do you want?" instead. I might look her in the eyes if I choose to because I already know how to look people in the eyes when it is important but I intentionally won't when she tells me so because she is forcing me when it isn't necessary at all.

Don't worry about it. Just do what you think is right according to what you already know. He is neither a therapist nor someone who has any idea how to help you so he has no right to fix you.
You can even act out to show him how much you already improved and how you might act if you didn't already try your best.

And also just be observant of what is going on with him. If you see patterns of him being that way then you can pull yourself out of being so vested in the relationship to prevent getting hurt.

That's a good point. He doesn't realize I used to be way worse off before I met him. I would have meltdowns and panic attacks constantly. And now I've been having panic attacks more often because of the pressure he puts on me. I told him positive reinforcement is what works for me. When he tells me I have issues just like how his mom does it only makes me more depressed. He said that I'm right but he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. It sounds like he knows he can't defend himself. Hopefully he'll actually put the idea into practice. But I've been sort of avoiding him since he's been so negative. I guess I'll see if anything changes. Like if he actually WANTS to be closer to me. Maybe he just needs some time.

Yeah I think it is good for you to pull away from him. It sounds like he is really negative for you and making you feel bad. The panic attacks and meltdowns are not good for you. I know for me when I have a time when I am really under pressure and having difficulty dealing with things I have huge meltdowns. I get to the point where I just do a total shutdown.

I know how that feels. I have to take care of myself. Maybe eventually he'll get over himself but I don't want any drama. It's bad for me.