I've struggled with making friends for too long.

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joebos6172
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18 May 2015, 10:51 pm

I'm a 25 year old guy who's dealt with a non-verbal learning disability my whole life. When I was little, I was the weird clumsy kid who picked his nose and didn't get other kids. So, they always went out of their way to leave me out of things like games at recess and made me an easy target. After that, I just shut down when I changed schools between 5th and 6th grade. I stopped seriously talking to other kids for two years. When I got to high school, I kind of wanted to fit in with people, but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I was kind of like a 10-12 year old kid in a 15-18 year old's body. I overheard a couple of people say "No one likes him" and "He's a loser" about me behind my back. I kind of gave up after that, but at least people mostly left me alone. I spent college living at home and being depressed all the time.

I feel like I'm getting better because I have worked a few days a week in a place where I feel like I have friends for the past four years. It just took me a few years to realize that I have friends there. I still need help with communicating with people and reaching out to others, but I think I'm getting there really slowly. People at work have really helped me with that a lot.

What frustrates me is a few things: First, I feel like an 18 year old in a 25 year old's body. Second, I'm not in school anymore so I can't build on things I learned with different people. Third, I can't ever tell anyone about what growing up was like for me because the only response I ever get is "Stop looking in the past".

As for dating, what the hell am I supposed to do when none of the signs that a girl likes me have ever happened to me and I'm supposed to be the one to ask her out? I tried online dating sites, but I'm practically invisible even after I lost a ton of weight. I think I'm out of luck there.

I guess I still feel lonely, but I don't think I'm completely alone anymore.



aretilda
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19 May 2015, 12:54 pm

I have Non Verbal Learning disorder too! I am in the exact same boat as you man. I don't have anything helpful to add I'm still trying to figure this stuff out too. I'm on antidepressants for the loneliness. Yeah I've always struggled with and never have been able to make any friends, I can hold conversations but I can't start them and break the ice, nobody approaches me so I've gone forever without any friends. I just need to learn how to start conversations and break the ice somehow.



joebos6172
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19 May 2015, 2:31 pm

aretilda wrote:
I have Non Verbal Learning disorder too! I am in the exact same boat as you man. I don't have anything helpful to add I'm still trying to figure this stuff out too. I'm on antidepressants for the loneliness. Yeah I've always struggled with and never have been able to make any friends, I can hold conversations but I can't start them and break the ice, nobody approaches me so I've gone forever without any friends. I just need to learn how to start conversations and break the ice somehow.



It's just helpful for me to know that I'm not completely alone, so you did help! I feel like we're kind of opposites. For me, holding conversations has always felt really awkward to me. I run out of things I want to say or I start to think that the other person doesn't actually want to talk to me. Saying hi to people or starting a small talk conversation isn't quite as hard as holding a conversation, but it's annoying because I hate small talk.



aretilda
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19 May 2015, 4:14 pm

joebos6172 wrote:
It's just helpful for me to know that I'm not completely alone, so you did help! I feel like we're kind of opposites. For me, holding conversations has always felt really awkward to me. I run out of things I want to say or I start to think that the other person doesn't actually want to talk to me. Saying hi to people or starting a small talk conversation isn't quite as hard as holding a conversation, but it's annoying because I hate small talk.


I don't know how to start conversations and break the ice, I just never know what to say.



banana247
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22 May 2015, 12:13 am

I can relate to feeling like you are kid inside.. like are aging slower than others... it's sort of like a benjamin button type of phenomena where i am only able to stay on the same level as others for a short amount of time. i somehow manage to develop a fairly even friendship, but then the other person socially or mentally matures about 4 times as much as i did over the following year or months, so suddenly we are no longer on the same page or able to communicate. sometimes i feel lucky being a kid inside because i think i view the physical/natural/architectural world with more awe and interest.. i think i see colors more brightly... some people do comment positively on my air of innocence... but at the same time, it can be very painful to feel like the things that should be commonplace are actually beyond my comprehension. like others have to humor me because i am unable to meet them at their level and communicate as an equal.

as leonard hofstadter from the big bang theory once said in reference to sheldon... "sometimes little kids get stuck in big people's bodies"



AspergersActor8693
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24 May 2015, 8:25 pm

I was kind of the opposite. Sometimes in elementary and middle school I felt like I was a much older person inside than I was outside. Thinking back, I think that was a sub-conscious defense formed when I was being bullied nonstop for four years in elementary school since I greatly lacked any kind of communication skills to defend myself or tell adults of any issues; of which there were many.

Unfortunately I cannot fully relate to your situation. The best advice I can offer based on my experience is that it takes the right time AND the right setting for you to really start making friends somewhere. That in turn will teach you skills that can be used in a setting that may traditionally have been outside of your comfort zone.

Hope that helped in some way.