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flamingo
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01 Jun 2015, 9:35 am

I'm never being full of myself, but when I talk to people in certain situations (let's say person A), I try to tell a story about myself or my kids that is similar to what person A is talking about or going through. I guess it's my way to relate to people? But it seems like NTs aren't into that, and I always end up with them distancing themselves from me. Are they taking it as me trying to inject myself into their problem and acting more important than them? If that's the case, what do I do differently? My two social attempts are either this situation of trying to relate, or me barely saying anything at all because I don't know what to say.



SocOfAutism
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01 Jun 2015, 11:34 am

No, that's correct. You're probably doing something slightly wrong that they're picking up on. If you could write out a conversation as exactly as you can remember it might help people here figure out what's putting the people you're talking to off.



Rabbers
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01 Jun 2015, 12:10 pm

I do this a lot too and I am aware I maybe do it a bit too much so try to stop myself sometimes. I think it is a normal way to relate to people to an extent but if you come across as always needing to make situations about you or needing to 'go one better' then I think it can annoy people. So for eg if someone is telling you about their child being ill and you tell them about how your child was so much worse or someone is telling you about a hard time they are having at work and you have to have had an even worse time. I notice when other people do it but rarely realise I do it myself until after the conversation.



SocOfAutism
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02 Jun 2015, 9:15 am

Rabbers wrote:
I do this a lot too and I am aware I maybe do it a bit too much so try to stop myself sometimes. I think it is a normal way to relate to people to an extent but if you come across as always needing to make situations about you or needing to 'go one better' then I think it can annoy people. So for eg if someone is telling you about their child being ill and you tell them about how your child was so much worse or someone is telling you about a hard time they are having at work and you have to have had an even worse time. I notice when other people do it but rarely realise I do it myself until after the conversation.


Oh yeah this could be the case. My friend used to date someone who did this. She'd talk about, say, her grandma being in the hospital and he'd say something like, "I don't have any grandparents." She'd feel guilty about saying anything at all.



flamingo
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02 Jun 2015, 2:24 pm

Oh jeez! I can't believe I've been doing this forever and I don't even realize it! I notice when others do it too and it drives me insane. I honestly never do mean to come off that way though, so I'll just have to be more conscious of it. I can't think of a specific situation or conversation, but it usually goes as me trying to sympathize with the person for a bit and then I tell a story in order to try to relate.

Blah :oops:



Stargazer43
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02 Jun 2015, 4:27 pm

This is a normal way of having a conversation. Without hearing specific examples, it is hard to offer advice as to what (if anything) you may be doing wrong. One thing I will say is that it's important not to spend too much time talking about yourself...you want it to be about 50/50.