How do you react to passive-aggressive behaviour?

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Passive-Aggression - A defence mechanism that allows people who aren't comfortable being openly aggressive get what they want under the guise of still trying to please others. They want their way, but they also want everyone to still like them. Indirect confrontation. Sugar-coated aggression.

How do you react to it? As a person with autism. Do you even notice it? Do you act in the same way?

It's always been hard for me to recognize. I tend to perceive passive-aggressive speech as wise words and passive-aggressive actions as the right thing to do.

When I was 12 I had a harder time reading when someone was making an excuse rather than being straight forward and honest with me about something so my parents had to constantly point it out. As I got older and learned that someone was brushing me off it drove me up the wall.

That kind of behavior is a hot button of mine

I did some research on passive aggressive behavior and according to this here are ten major signs that someone is being passive aggressive.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pa ... people-say

I know when I'm being passive aggressive, which is usually how I display mine because I hate direct confrontations, but I wouldn't always be able to recognize when someone else is being such. Especially if I hardly know the person.

I like to invalidate their passive aggression by subtly pointing out I know they're being passive aggressive and doing it back to them.

I have an extremely negative reaction to passive agressive behavior. It affects me for hours, after the actual incident involving the behavior. It somehow puts my mind into a spin cycle of sorts. I'd like to acquire skills to help me cope with it.

Passive aggressive behavior takes on so many forms but it's all the same when you look at it and it entails two ingredients.

1. Lying
2. Defense mechanism

It depends how apparent it is.

Usually I just trust that what they say if what they mean and don't even realize they for example might intentionally "forget" to do something I asked them for ("Sorry, I forgot to buy you the chocolate.").

But if I so realize I don't give up till I prove them wrong. For example if I go to kitchen and find my mom clearly sighing with my every move but when I ask "What's wrong?" and she answers "Nothing." I will say "I know something is wrong." till she confess "I am busy cooking and you are taking too much time and kitchen space."

My dad on the other hand finds everything that might possibly sound passive aggressive as an insult even if it isn't. For example when he says "Clean your room!" and I answer "I know. I planned to clean my room today anyway." he gets angry: "You always say you were planning stuff but if I wouldn't tell you to it would never be done.".
The fact is however that he tells me to clean my room way too often - and if I am not planning to clean my room I always tell him a clear "Not today.", "It's my room and I like it this way.", "It's clean enough." or/and "Get out."(as he often enters my room uninvited, just to tell me "Your room is a mess. Clean up."). I only tell him "I planned to clean my room" when it is the truth.