How would you handle these kinds of "friends"?

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I know a number of people that I probably consider friends. We see each other at various events we go to, when I see them online on Facebook, I'll usually engage them in some kind of chat or at least say Hi. Every now and then, especially if there's a good movie out, I'll try to get a group together to go see it and usually get a decent turn out. And I'll often invite them to some other activities. They always seem to have fun and get along with me and everything goes well.

However, it's all left to me. If I didn't start the chats, send the invites, set the activities, I'd probably never hear from any of them again. None of them ever invite me to do anything, none of them ever go out of their way to make contact with me. From my perspective, it seems like I have 3 options, maintain status quo, talk to them about it or drop them as friends. We're all guys in our 30s if that makes a difference. Some of them are married so that can be understandable, but most are still single.

Continue to make an effort. I've certainly had friends like this and on the flip side, I also have had friends who I probably wouldn't see if they didn't invite me to things.

My spouse is always complaining that he has no friends. He has friends. They call him, they invite him places, they message him. He never reaches out to any of them. I asked him once why he was always complaining about not having friends when he clearly does, and then he never tries to reach out to do anything with them. It confused me. He is busy he says. When he has down time, it is welcomed and he does not always want to reach out to people. He sure loves it when they reach out to him though. It makes his day. If your friends are like my spouse, they are probably just busy and appreciate you reaching out to them. I am inclined to think this might be the case as they seem to enjoy your company. If you like the, I would continue on as you are. If it is problematic to you, maybe reach out to one or two of them and ask them about it.

I have a similar problem. Extremely few people IRL reach out to me. Most people only talk to me when they want something from me - lessons, advice, a thing to borrow, etc. Most people even in small talk don't even ask me what I have been up to/how I am doing.

I have a very few friends who do ask, but I do not see them all that often and getting to actually TALK in depth/at length is even rarer. It feels like I have to meet at least 500 people before I find *one* person who I will click with and who will make a mutual effort to be a friend.

There are a couple of people I know who legitimately CANNOT make the effort to reach out to me, and I try to remember that and be gracious. It still hurts, but I keep telling myself they are doing all they can do and don't be upset about it.

People make time for who and what they want.

This kind of thing has happened again. I've been contacting various "friends" to see if they want to see the new Avengers movie this weekend. Several don't like to see movies opening weekend and don't want to go so that's understandable, but a lot of them have told me they've already seen it. Out of all the ones who have already seen it, not a single one of them asked me to see it with them.

I have had similar situations, and found my acceptance of the status quo usually worked best.

Hey Bataar.

It seems like your friends aren't initiators or at least don't like to deal with the tasks involved in arranging hangouts, so it's possible that someone else (who you don't know) may have invited them to go see the movie. Why didn't your friend extend an invitation to you? Maybe he/she didn't consider it or maybe he did, but didn't want to take the extra step of getting approval from the organizer. There are really a lot of different reasons...maybe if this really bothers you, then you could either ask your friends directly or casually ask next time you see them what they're going to do over the weekend, and if it's something that you are interested in, then ask if you could join them. Does that make sense?

I have had a few one-sided relationships with friends before and it's gone both ways.

1. Some love attending my things and have even gone on vacation before but never invited me back
2. Others invite me to their gatherings and I gladly go. I attempt to invite in return and they are always unavailable.

It sounds like you might want to accept things for what they are. Yet if you feel that uncomfortable and confused about this then you could call them and ask.

"Say how come you don't invite me to your things?"

OMG thank you for spring this! I know exactly what your talking about and I relate to this 100%. It's strange isn't it?

I can relate really well with this feeling!
But, well... I think that if they actually accept your invitations this is a very good sign. Perhaps they just aren't the kind of people who initiate this kind of thing. They might have gone watch the avengers movie just because someone else invited them before you, don't you think?
From what I've seen during my life when people doesn't like to do stuff with you they will always come up with excuses for your invitations.

I am that friend. I'm an INTJ personality, and I am terrible at maintaining friendships or relationships. I have to be reminded to call my mother. That is the sole reason I like Facebook, because I can leave a comment and there's my social interaction. I also have an aversion to the telephone, so no calls from me unless absolutely necessary. My sister is the same way.

It's not that I don't want to maintain the friendship or that I don't care about my friends, I just don't socialize well. I struggle to maintain a conversation, I often say the wrong thing or completely misunderstand what the other person is trying to say, and as awful as it may sound, I don't miss people, with very, very few exceptions. There are a few people I do miss, but largely I just don't miss people. I'm happy to see them or, more commonly, hear from them when I do.

My friends are either back home or scattered throughout the country. I have one friend in the state in which I currently live. It's largely a cultural thing, I prefer the company of intellectuals and productive people, i.e. artists, musicians, scientists, chefs, et cetera, and I live in a state where disability is a career path. Even without Asperger's I can't relate to the people here.

When it comes to close friends, the analogy I use is that instead of 100 pennies I have four quarters. The few close friends, my "inner circle" or "brain trust", all know, understand, and accept that I'm not one to initiate contact, and if I do it will be through snail mail, email or text message. The nice thing is that we can talk for the first time in six months and pick up right where we left off. It's not all one-sided, though. My "inner circle" has my loyalty and if they are in need of help, they will get it from me. They are the family I chose, and there is nothing I wouldn't do within the confines of the law for them if they are in need of help, advice, or just an ear to listen to them vent without judgment.

How do you handle friends like me? How much do you value their role in your life? Is it worth it to you to keep a friend like me around, or do you need people who are more reciprocal in their friendship? If the friendship takes from your time more than it contributes, it's probably not worth it.

Well, it's happened again. I've been trying for a while now to get something planned for the 4th of July. Unfortunately, every single one of my friends/acquaintences already has plans and didn't think to include me in any of them. Looks like I'll spend the day/evening playing video games.