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NovelCatfish
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Joined: 5 Jan 2014
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 3
Location: Northeastern U.S

28 Jul 2015, 6:06 pm

I haven't said anything new about myself since I joined this site last year, so to be brief: I got diagnosed with Asperger's in Feburary and have been working with disability services and a job developer to assist me with getting employment (which remains a difficult task.). I have also continued to see my therapist at least twice a month.

But I feel like I haven't made any large steps towards improving myself further and have been unconsciously holding myself back.
A while ago, as I spoke with the support coordinator at the disability services, she mentioned that she was working with a 20-something old girl who likes anime (and actually creates her own manga!).
And considering the direction that my childhood friends are going in, my grandfather recommended that I consider this.

But I decided to let the opportunity pass by me. Similarly, one of the job developers I started with mentioned that her son was starting to teach an English class. (To me, it meant that I could have someone to help with improve my grammar with novel writing)
Again, I didn't consider the opportunity.

I tried explaining it to my therapist, stating that it feels like two sides of my mind are warring against each other and the "loner" mindset keeps winning.
I'll post an infograph later to explain this further.
But I know part of me wants new friends and to attain success. One reason I like to play games with my younger cousins is that it brings me back a few years ago, where my childhood friends weren't involved in relationships (One is married now), their schedules weren't hectic and our get-togethers were all about video games and fooling around.

Last get-together we had, they obsessed over a TV show I did not care for (Game Of Thrones) and it wasn't until later that we finally played games. (I enjoyed Beer Pong and Cards against Humanity though.)
But other than video games, I feel like I don't relate to them well anymore. One of them only likes shonen anime, while I have a varied taste. I like prog. rock and classic rock while they prefer "clubbing" music (dubstep, trap, etc.). And the elephant in the room is my lack of a girlfriend (which I don't care much about.).

While it would help if I got a job, I'm not sure where to go next. In fact, I can't go to social events because I refuse to drive. (I almost had an accident on my second driving test attempt!)

My biological mother says that I may have more social opportunities when I come down to live with her. But is going to prevent the "loner" side of my mind from screwing that up too?



SocOfAutism
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29 Jul 2015, 6:32 pm

I'm not sure why the people you know are making everything so complicated. If you don't like the same things as these people you're hanging out with, just hang out with some other people. Look online for people that are into what you are. And why would anyone care if you did or did not have a girlfriend? Isn't that your business?

This is an interesting idea that your therapist came up with about the two sides of you warring against one another, but your therapist doesn't know you that well and certainly will never be an expert of what's in your own head. I mean, I can come up with theories too, but it doesn't mean they're correct. If you don't want to do something, you won't do it. So what if it's a missed opportunity. Something else will come along.

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. Not everyone is packed with action. When something comes by that you really want to be a part of, you'll make the extra effort without having to force yourself.



ASPartOfMe
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Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 68
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Location: Long Island, New York

29 Jul 2015, 8:58 pm

Lots of people"try out" different things. If they don't like it they move on to a different thing. With autistics once we decide to do something we give all our energies and time towered that interest and expect it to be a commitment for the rest of our lives. While this is good in the short term it makes some of us have problems making a decision to do something or even if we have decided to do it initiating the activity out of fear we might have made a lifelong commitment to something wrong for us.

If what I wrote makes sense to you this is something you can work with your therapist.


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“Self Acceptance is a process not a performance”
“You are autistic enough. And you always have been”

Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity.