Any thoughts on this?

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Hi:
I have a casual friend who has mild Asperger's and is very successful in many ways. I am also successful. Both of us happen to be leaders in the autism community. This includes being panelists in several Q&As. We both participated on a panel together in May with two other self advocates.

I met up with them for a dinner at someone's house earlier this evening since they invited me. We were headed to our underground train system and happened to be talking about how I might possibly get on a Q&A in the future.

Conversation:
Me: I have done several panels before and you saw them
Them: Well they told that you were too domineering in the last conversation
Me: What are you talking about? What panel?
Them: The last one we were both on.
Me: Who told you this?
Them: I can't tell you that
Me: If it's alright with you I don't do he/she said. No one ever told me.
Them: They didn't?
Me: No. So who told you the other panelists? Were they upset?
Them: A little
Me: Who really talked to you? The leader of the organization?
Them: People in the audience

I tried to keep confronting them but they ended up evading the conversation by running into some random people on the train with cool art. They just ignored me by talking to these other people. So I decided to sit in another car away from them when the train.

I have more to say later but what do you think?

The way you grilled your conversation-partner, you seem a little domineering to me, too.

Your desire to know who-said-what clearly seems more important to you than your friend's desire not to quote anybody who never meant to be quoted on this. You didn't take no for an answer, and it made your friend uncomfortable. Then your friend distanced and so did you.

A suggestion would be, weigh your words more carefully and try to understand and respect the other person's/people's perspective. If there is a conflict, you don't always have to win, you know?

1. I will take your comment as constructive criticism and work on respecting them which he did not.
2. He touched my buttons because it was a he/said comment and I don't like those.
3. I ended up speaking with a mentor who knows this friend fairly well and said that he has a natural.enjoyment for getting a rise out you on purpose until you snap. Then he tries to make you look like the bad person and spreads lies about them.
4. He said also said that none of the members who organized the panel ever came forward to him about it. He also said that my friend had no right to tell me what other people thought.
5. As a heads up this person is very narcissistic and shallow. For example he boasts about all his successes of Facebook

So there you go

You seem to have thought this through pretty thoroughly. What do you want from the community?

I wrote my post a day and a half ago when I was pretty upset. I want thicker skin though.

I have a pretty thick skin. The downside is you may be less sensitive to cues and signals.

The issue is that my friend said that he told me in the place of what others thought of me in the past. That comment was about me being too domineering which hurt my feelings.

As for my not reading cues? That is not the issue. I am fragile to similar comments

I agree with the OP about he said/she said. Those kinds of comments are BS and manipulative. So many people can hide behind those comments, blaming them on "someone else" instead of owning up to their own opinions. They use these comments to make the person they are talking to feel bad and bend to what they want them to do.

Person 1 says to Person 2 that Unnamed Person doesn't like such-and-such.
Person 2 has no way of knowing if this is true b/c Unnamed Person cannot be asked. Nor can any specific details be discerned about exactly what Person 2 did wrong and how to fix it.
Person 1 may hold this opinion but is saying that Unnamed Person does, in order to deflect conflict and not have to answer why he/she holds such opinion. It just makes Person 2 uneasy.
The more Person 2 is uneasy, the more chances Person 1 can get Person 2 to do what Person 1 wants.

When I am told these things, I just say "If Unnamed Person has a problem with me, he needs to come talk to me himself." (People need to act like grown-ups.)

*Most* of the time, when these problems are legitimate, Unnamed Person is NAMED. In those instances, Person 2 is coming to Person 1 on behalf of NAMED Person 3.

I used to believe everything that I heard and especially from someone who is someone that I can trust.

I also had another situation with someone who I used to be friends with who decided to cut all ties with me. She and I met up to discuss what had happened cause the conflict and things were going smoothly before she blurted out

"Of course my husband didn't want us meeting like this."

I said "Does he dislike me?"

She: Well I did not want to lie to you so unfortunately no
Me: I was worried that you did not like me
She: Gets really silent for 5 minutes
Me: So why doesn't like me?
She: I guess because of the way you got mad at me all the time
Me: Why was he so worried about us meeting?
She: I guessed he was worried about the way that you would act

She is so insecure and clingy that she doesn't anyone near her spouse even if it's just being casual in a non flirting way.

She played similar games during our friendship to by trying to convince me that her friends and family didn't like me for this or that. Yet I never heard this information straight from the horse's mouth. She didn't want me around her friends and family either.

Like the person about she was always giving me destructive criticism like that to make me feel about myself.