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Aspiewriter
Deinonychus
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20 Jul 2009, 3:56 pm

I've grown up with very poor social skills and an inability to relate to people. I have a lot of times trouble reading people even. Or smiling when they smile to me. Or when they say hello, I don't respond. When someone asks me a question, they have to prompt me to answer. When people claim they've given me enough "hints" at what to do in a situation, I'm dumbfounded because I never got any of those "hints." Anyone else have this much trouble? I even see people cry or get angry or whatever, and I can't relate or feel anything. I am lucky that the Internet, however, helped me in finding the one person that loves me for who I am. His name is Richard; he's my husband. He calls himself the Aspie-whisperer, because he somehow knows how he can relate to me and love me. But outside of him, I'm at a loss in understanding the human race. All I see myself doing is just standing back and watching the world like I'm watching a movie.



OddFinn
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20 Jul 2009, 4:25 pm

Welcome to the club. I'm glad you have your husband. My wife is not so understanding.
(Soon to become my ex-wife).


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Willard
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20 Jul 2009, 4:43 pm

OddFinn wrote:
Welcome to the club. I'm glad you have your husband. My wife is not so understanding.
(Soon to become my ex-wife).


:lol: LOL!

That explains the grumpy-looking avatar. :wink:



Aoi
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20 Jul 2009, 5:41 pm

Very familiar experiences. I do not try, however, to relate to people, since that would be a doomed effort in my case. The neurology isn't there, as one of my neurologists put it. I am fortunate to have a few good friends who are themselves not NT, and fortunate in that my social needs or desires are minimal. I'm glad you found your "Aspie-whisperer", a turn of phrase I quite like.



pekkla
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20 Jul 2009, 7:40 pm

Most of the time I try to relate only to a handful of people each day. I have two kids who are very demanding. So I stay clear of other people if possible. Today I am exhausted from tryin hard to make a good impression on a person I knew years ago, a parent of a child at my son's preschool. She's smart, rich, a polished social butterfly. I tried my usual brief hello with her`at the grocery store but then she saw me at the end of an aisle and struck up a long conversation about whether my son will be going to the public high school or going private. She does not know he is an aspie (or that I am) and I did not tell her. I am exhausted from that conversation and keep replaying it in my head, as I am so insecure in those situations.



buryuntime
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20 Jul 2009, 7:50 pm

Aspiewriter wrote:
I've grown up with very poor social skills and an inability to relate to people. I have a lot of times trouble reading people even. Or smiling when they smile to me. Or when they say hello, I don't respond. When someone asks me a question, they have to prompt me to answer. When people claim they've given me enough "hints" at what to do in a situation, I'm dumbfounded because I never got any of those "hints." Anyone else have this much trouble? I even see people cry or get angry or whatever, and I can't relate or feel anything. I am lucky that the Internet, however, helped me in finding the one person that loves me for who I am. His name is Richard; he's my husband. He calls himself the Aspie-whisperer, because he somehow knows how he can relate to me and love me. But outside of him, I'm at a loss in understanding the human race. All I see myself doing is just standing back and watching the world like I'm watching a movie.

Pretty much everybody here has had similar experiences, although of differing severity. I've never really had a problem with smiling to people-- I taught myself to smile or laugh at everything said which I guess is over-doing it but it works. And I feel what other people feel quite a lot, I just can't express it right. Someone else being sad would make me sad for a long time.



pekkla
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20 Jul 2009, 7:59 pm

Maybe this should be on a different thread, but I often express joy by crying. Some people are very uncomfortable with it and say its weird. Certain emotions are just overwhelming that I need a good cry. Does anyone else do this?



pensieve
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21 Jul 2009, 4:12 am

pekkla wrote:
Maybe this should be on a different thread, but I often express joy by crying. Some people are very uncomfortable with it and say its weird. Certain emotions are just overwhelming that I need a good cry. Does anyone else do this?

Yes, I do get so overwhelmed by being happy I cry.

When I was younger I found it hard to relate to people (smiling/ answering their questions) but now it has become a bit more easier for me. I'm still nervous when I talk to people though.


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outlier
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21 Jul 2009, 11:58 am

I too have difficulty reciprocating, reading situations, and feeling anything. I often get the timing wrong when saying goodbye, for example. Something odd happened this weekend, though; a random passer-by said hi and without even thinking about it, checking I'd heard correctly or that it was directed at me, said hi! back immediately. Very unusual for me.



princesseli
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25 Jul 2009, 4:34 am

Aspiewriter wrote:
I've grown up with very poor social skills and an inability to relate to people. I have a lot of times trouble reading people even. Or smiling when they smile to me. Or when they say hello, I don't respond. When someone asks me a question, they have to prompt me to answer. When people claim they've given me enough "hints" at what to do in a situation, I'm dumbfounded because I never got any of those "hints."


I have many of those similar problems. I used to have the worst problems when someone would greet me, up till I was 18 I rarely reciprocated. I didnt even know it was the norm to say hi to someone u simply recognized until college. When people that I dont know give me subtle signals, its confusing, I dont know what to do. When someone smiles at me, until like maybe 1-2 yrs ago I didnt know majority of the time they were similing at me. Its really hard for me to relate to people or when people try to relate to me often times the connection just dosent stick very well.



Cicely
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25 Jul 2009, 8:26 pm

I have trouble relating to people. There are times when I can, but mostly I don't, especially not to other people my age. I can't relate to their concerns and they can't relate to mine.



blackomen
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07 Oct 2009, 2:25 am

I have trouble reading people.. period..

Some people in real life have trouble believing I have AS in most aspects (energy level, outgoingness, smalltalk, etc.), but even compared to other AS's, I'm probably a lot worse at reading people's feelings, intentions, etc. unless when verbalized.



CaptainTrips222
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08 Oct 2009, 5:38 pm

blackomen wrote:
I have trouble reading people.. period..

Some people in real life have trouble believing I have AS in most aspects (energy level, outgoingness, smalltalk, etc.), but even compared to other AS's, I'm probably a lot worse at reading people's feelings, intentions, etc. unless when verbalized.


Kinda with ya there. The conversation will take a direction based on some emotion I missed, and I won't know how to respond. I mean, I would if I knew what the person was feeling or thinking, but I usually don't pick up on that kind of thing.



HereComeTheLizards
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09 Oct 2009, 5:29 pm

I think misanthropy is definitely the way to go. Neither I nor the human race can put up with each other for long, and neither us is likely to change. Best off writing off people as terminally incomprehensible and finding a way to live with yourself.


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Evil_Squeakheads
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10 Oct 2009, 12:41 am

I have a lot of trouble. Dealing with other people is like watching a movie, as someone said. I don't really care that much about them or about their concerns, and I can't predict how they will behave. Is that the same as not understanding them?



Pernicious-Knid
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11 Oct 2009, 1:25 pm

I have my good days and my bad days, so it really depends. Sometimes I feel directly engaged and can banter well, to an extent, and other times I just feel like shutting down. When that happens, yeah it is like watching a movie, or being behind a thick plane of glass, cut off from the world. I'm still learning how to read people, its not easy! One on one is OK, but put me in a group setting and I really have to struggle.