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jajaboo
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06 Oct 2015, 2:56 pm

Hi Everyone
I haven't posted for a while. Update - I moved in with my AS boyfriend in April and everything going well. However a wedding party has just caused some upset. Your thoughts would help think this one through thanks.

Basically my boyfriend sat next to a guy he really connected with. People started to joke there was a bromance going on. They both became very intense ignoring other people trying in interject. When I spoke to them both the other guy got very ....u don't understand when I tried to interject an get included in their conversation. People thought we where married because looking at us together we do cuddle an kiss an look after each other. He did say that he didn't want to marry and felt awkward with people asking the question.
Long story short we left all amicable and polite and in the morning at breakfast the guy saw us an said so u are still together then.
I asked my boyfriend what did they chat about for him to say that and he just said I don't understand. He didn't feel he said anything detrimental about our relationship. He says he loves me an he actually got quite upset that he felt people where being really so horrible.



beakybird
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07 Oct 2015, 9:19 pm

Are you saying you think they discussed negative things about your relationship?

I can say, as a guy who rarely finds someone to connect with (especially another male) I can really go on and on quite intensely. there is a relating that cannot be had with the opposite sex that can be had amongst the same gender.



IncredibleFrog
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10 Oct 2015, 2:48 am

You guys broke up over this? Did you at least talk it through? A lot of guys get excited when they meet a guy they have stuff in common with, I imagine even more so if he doesn't have many guy friends.

That being said, he shouldn't ignore you either. But maybe it's worth talking out, instead of terminating the relationship? Just explain why it hurt you, give him another chance, and if he keeps doing it, then break it off.



jajaboo
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11 Oct 2015, 4:24 pm

Thanks for your thoughts much appreciated.

Yes I thought he was saying negative things about our relationship for the other guy to say .....so u are still together then?
I felt it was an odd thing to say if nothing negative had actually been said. Why else would you make that comment. I didnt really speak to this guy and have limited knowledge of their conversations.

No we haven't broken up. I have suggested it because whats the point of going out with someone if in actual fact u want to be with someone else male or female. To me this is not the issue. I want people to be happy what ever that is for them. I don't want it to be jus my kind nature that is keeping us together.

If he knows that we are not right for each other then instead of telling others he needs to be honest with me. He keeps saying its not me its about him not knowing who he is.

He projects alot of fantasy's about other women. He met this girl the other day he called his soulmate. So u can see I am a little confused why is he with me ? He keeps saying he loves me but that kind doesn't help as you can still care an love someone but not want to be together forever with them.

After another long discussion he has decided to get formally diagnosed and to see a counsellor. So we shall see whether that helps us.



beakybird
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12 Oct 2015, 8:43 pm

jajaboo wrote:


He projects alot of fantasy's about other women. He met this girl the other day he called his soulmate. So u can see I am a little confused why is he with me ? He keeps saying he loves me but that kind doesn't help as you can still care an love someone but not want to be together forever with them.

After another long discussion he has decided to get formally diagnosed and to see a counsellor. So we shall see whether that helps us.


Yeah something seems not right there. Especially if this is hurtful to you. Some people take a while to figure out if they want a lifelong commitment. Their discussion could have been just along these lines. She wants too be married and I dont sort of thing. That would bring about that question Id think.

Also, not sure, but maybe "not knowing who he is" means maybe he thinks he's gay?



jajaboo
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13 Oct 2015, 5:55 pm

Yep we have discussed the possibility of him being gay but he seems to think not ?
He knows he wants a relationship that is lifelong but he can't workout if I am the one.
He says he loves me but gets confused sometimes. The confusion happens when we are out of our bubble together. So when other people get involved. But then I don't know if when we are in this bubble together whether he is just wearing a mask to suit me.

I am wondering when he meets other people can he then be himself so the mask comes off. That would cause confusion because he is not being true to himself ?

I don't know if I just reading too much into this but we have been together for 2.5 years and living together or 6mths

Thanks again



beakybird
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13 Oct 2015, 7:10 pm

jajaboo wrote:
Yep we have discussed the possibility of him being gay but he seems to think not ?
He knows he wants a relationship that is lifelong but he can't workout if I am the one.
He says he loves me but gets confused sometimes. The confusion happens when we are out of our bubble together. So when other people get involved. But then I don't know if when we are in this bubble together whether he is just wearing a mask to suit me.

I am wondering when he meets other people can he then be himself so the mask comes off. That would cause confusion because he is not being true to himself ?

I don't know if I just reading too much into this but we have been together for 2.5 years and living together or 6mths

Well now may be the time for both of you to sit down and take inventory of what it is you really want out of a relationship and compare notes. If the lists aren't very similar you may not be compatible. A relationship can go on for years before this gets figured out sometimes. But you both need to figure out what you want from a person, then see if the other is what fills those needs.

Thanks again