not invited

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Normally... I do not care about such things, but I found out one of immediate coworkers was having a going away party, hosted by another coworker, I wasnt invited. But I knew him and the crew for nearly a year... and this new guy just came in 2 weeks ago, and was invited... it happen before, but this one bugged me because of the importance.

The new guy also happened to be the same race as everyone else... so in my mind I also think its a race issue.

Would this bother you too?

I'm sorry that happened. It would bother me, too. You can't really say for sure why it happened; it could have been a race issue, but then again it might not have been. All you can really do is keep talking to your coworkers and trying to get closer to them and hope you are invited the next time.

I don't know if this would bother me because nothing like it has happened to me.

Perhaps they don't like you or figure you aren't interested.

Have you thought about calmly asking your co-worker why you were not invited? You could also say "I knew this co-worker for a year and I really wanted to say goodbye." If they give you an excuse let them and walk away without saying anything else.

I had a similar situation which was the opposite. I had a special occasion and happened to invite everyone from work to the event. None of them came or bought me any gifts or anything. They got things for someone who had been with them for less than a year who had gotten married and I have been there for 6 years at that point in time. I know what unfairness looks like trust me.

Your colleagues aren't obligated to buy you presents or attend your parties. You are equally welcome to not attend their parties and not buy them presents. It's mean but it isn't necessarily unfair.

It's incredibly rude and inappropriate to ask why you were excluded from an event, unless you were very close to the person who issued the invitation and genuinely believe it was an oversight.

I wouldn't call it "incredibly rude and inappropriate". Different point of view, I know, but I think doesn't hurt to ask, if you were friendly with these people. It may have just been an oversight. It happens to me.

It also helps if you express to friends/acquaintances the type of things you are interested in doing (or going to) - it doesn't guarantee you'll be invited to anything, but I think it helps your chances.

Sometimes it takes me months or years to become part of a social "in crowd", but I'm stubborn like that. I don't "reject" people or groups of people, just because they don't invite me in straight off the bat.

Why weren't you invited? It could be something as simple as body odor. Or maybe you are perceived at work as a troublemaker, complainer or backstabber.

I probably would not ask a co-worker the reason, as that would be an incredibly awkward conversation for both people involved. But if you want fewer of these slights in the future, get to know people, remember their spouse's name, ask how their kids are doing, and be a team player at work.

What about dropping a hint with your co-worker who invited everyone in a nice way?

"I hope everyone had fun at the going away party. I would have liked to have been there to say goodbye."

You could also ask around for their contact information so that you could send them a card or a little gift wishing them good luck at their new job. While it was pretty inconsiderate you don't have to be involved to say goodbye and good luck.

I'm not a fan of dropping hints. Others might not pick up on them and it's passive-aggressive. And clearly didn't work in high school, hasn't worked in this office, etc.

If you genuinely think not being invited to the party was an oversight, ask the girl outright if you can attend her leaving do. If you must. (Me, I wouldn't do this because if she wanted to invite you, you'd have been invited).

But by all means, give her a going away card if you feel moved to do so. This party's water under the bridge, but you could make an effort to socialize more in general - both in and out of the office.

I thought of something else. Sometimes our co-workers forget to add everyone's name to an e-mail or an invite. It happened to me. Someone forgot to send me an e-mail that it was their birthday and had invited everyone in the office to a happy hour. I found out by word of mouth and I still went and they were cool with it. I am pretty sure they would have cool with you being there.

Another thing to do next time is before the event happens is contact the host/ess and ask them

"I heard there is a going away party for so and so. I want to know if I am invited or not."

(New thoughts keep coming into my head)