Lack of incentive to small-talk

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Small-talk has never come naturally for me, but I have developed the ability to keep a conversation going by making observations about the person or the environment.

What bothers me however, is the lack of incentive to "just talk". It's excruciating to force myself to talk about mundane things for the sake of completing some kind of imaginary list of socialization stages or prerequisites that have to be met before you can talk about certain things.

I think this is a developmental disorder particular to autism, because take this example for illustration for instance:

Children will talk to a stranger about anything. This is quickly unlearned however, as stranger might be up to no good, so the child is taught that it's not safe to do that.

That unlearning certainly works with us autistics, it's just that we don't develop the substitute skills. When you can't talk about anything, which in our case would be our favorite topics, we have to learn what's appropriate for each given circumstance. Not only that but we have to take into account what kind of person we are dealing with and our relation to that person.

That requires a lot of mental energy for someone who this doesn't come naturally to. To make all this analysis consciously, whereas for a neuro-typical, this all happens on autopilot, or if not that, then at least with much less effort than for us.

Because of this, I have to muster up the courage and motivation to do this. I have to actively look at the outcome of this. That could be the easy of conversation that would be socially acceptable after going though the "ice breaking phase" where you have to talk about mundane things before you can move on to more interesting topics.

Can anybody relate to this? Have you developed strategies for being an "undercover autist" or do you just let 'er rip and act "inappropriate"(to us that's what we do when we listened to the advice of those who said "just be yourself") because that's less exhausting?

I often don't feel like doing small talk either. But I've actually trained myself to keep talking automatically, which is a bad habit that needs to be broken, because the small talk itself often sucks for everyone involved, no need to prolong it...
I feel best when I decide not to talk when I don't feel like it, while trying to be as polite as possible about it.

Small talk is boring. I hate it. I think people are aware that I am different so they usually don't talk to me unless they need to. I'm not someone one will go to for a social-related advice. I'm a very unpleasant listener too.

Yes! This is exactly what happens to me too. My mouth just runs on auto pilot trying to say things that are appropriate for the situation, but by "playing safe" that way it comes across as contrived and forced and sometimes doesn't make sense.
Of course, I know what I'm saying beforehand, but the words that appear in my head are kind of... bland and rehearsed so to speak.

I don't know how to explain it more specific. I am very dependent on structure and routines in my life and that safety seems to influence how I converse in "uncharted territory".

It's funny though, because once conversation moves on to something I'm interested in, it flows much more naturally and I'm picking up on cues more naturally whereas in "small talk" situations I have to concentrate to actively look for cues that I can pick up on and develop the conversation further from.

I can blabber for hours when discussing something that interests me, which is probably evident in my wall-of-text posts here. It's just that most people expect to talk about what's on TV, the weather or such things to break the ice.

Why can't we move on to the interesting things right away? The bonus is then that people find out right away if they have common interests instead of going through some contrived ritual, some points on a list.

I think it's tribal screening behavior to sort out threats that's stuck in our instincts from prehistoric times, and that with us autistics, there's a malfunction. It must be something like that because it makes absolutely no sense in our modern world. At least not to me.

If the conversation goes to topics and have nothing to contribute to I'll dig out my Smartphone just to look like I'm doing something instead of just standing there.

Vouch for everything you've said so far.
<Purpose of small talk>

Grr, I need to make a placard for my social rebellion on this issue. It's discussed so much at WP how we can accommodate others' needs to engage in this pointless behaviour, how we can learn to smalltalk ourselves, how to finesse it or whatever, but I flatly refuse. Why should we learn to accommodate this brainless, pointless, chronically awkward, false, empty, schmoozing behaviour? I just feel ridiculous whenever people try to engage me in this. To the point where I don't bother anymore. If you're going to talk, talk sense, don't just talk for talking sake like so many people with nothing worthwhile to say seem to do. If you don't have anything to say, what's wrong with just shutting up? Cut down on the noise pollution? If people try this on me, I cut straight in and ask them instead about what it is that they're passionate about, what they really enjoy or feel strongly about, or even something funny or amazing or baffling that happened during the week, so long as it has some substance. I refuse to engage in content-less drivel, sorry. And I don't see why autistic people, or anyone else for that matter, should have to.

I value deep or unusual conversation that goes out of the norm. I hate small-talk but most of the time I am capable of politely responding. If I have a genuine interest in the other person, e.g. a friend or whatever, then I'll set aside my dislike for small-talk because my interest in them compensates for it. I adapt and adjust.

In most group situations however, I am extremely quiet. Not shy, just quiet out of choice. I would converse with othersif I ever had interest in what the conversation topics were about, but I usually don't, so I just keep my deep thoughts to myself. Like, at a group I will literally just silently sit or stand, stare into the distance, etc. I look different compare to the rest of the loud, extroverted groups I usually hang around.

The group I hang out with at school for example are your typical comic book, anime, bookworm, video game-loving 'geek' crowd.

Nothing wrong with that, but it's hard to ever relate to what they're talking about. My interest in gaming is minimal, everything else nothing.

However, I am tolerant of other people and if they enjoy small talk, then I don't judge them. I don't judge them for what they talk about, so long as they wouldn't judge me for what I talk about with my friends.

I do just wish more people would enjoy deep conversation, though.

My friend and I don't like small talk either. Which is why if we run out of things to say we'll just be silent but still on the phone for like 20-30 minutes until we do have something to say.

Or the conversation will end abruptly with "well we're not saying anything" and I'll reply "Yeah, bye"