Gf doesn't respond to certain topics in conversation

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I was wondering... my girlfriend is an aspie and I'm not sure if this is an aspie thing or just her, but sometimes her and I will be texting and I'll bring up a topic and she immediately stops responding.

For example we were texting- talking about news I had and she was responding just find and then when I changed the topic asking if she got my voicemail from earlier that day she didn't respond anymore. The voicemail was about us making plans to see one another and also about exchanging gifts for Christmas.

Now, I know maybe she didn't respond because she didn't know what to say, or she got busy, but this happens SO often and I know if I try bringing up either topic again she will do the same thing.

Am I doing something wrong? How can I approach her in a way that will encourage her to respond?

This is just something that has started happening within the last 2 months. I just want to know how to better communicate with her. I really care about her, but it does hurt my feelings when she regularly ignores things I would like to talk about. Eventually I give up bringing it up, but I always wonder in the back of my mind what she would have responded with.

I also noticed that every time we talk on the phone she tells me she has no time to talk. We basically will spend 75% of the conversation talking about how she can't talk in that moment and it always causes me to totally forget everything I wanted to say. I wish there was a way to have a simple conversation with no pressure.

hi, the immediate situation where you asked her if she had listened to your voicemail and she didn't respond, she may have been embarrassed. She may have planned to listen to the voicemail later, maybe even wanting a good occasion where she could direct her concentration and that never came.

to your more general question, I'll try and put on my thinking cap

As an aspie, your girlfriend may be somewhat of a perfectionist, and that's okay.

Maybe she wants to save the two of yours' conversations to when she can really focus her best emotional energy.

And maybe you can give her permission that's sometimes it's okay to just talk briefly and on the fly.

okay those are both good points. Thank you. She is very busy a lot of the time so she probably does want to be able to focus on it during a time when she isn't as busy. I did say something like if she felt pressure to respond that wasn't my intention I just would like her to meet me halfway and she said she was busy/working.

Honestly I'm sure most of the time it is attributed to her being busy with different things so I should try not to worry about it, it's not done intentionally. It's just difficult because me being an NT I do at times forget that texting may mean more to me than to her. Like if I don't respond to her she won't be hurt by it, but if it was reversed I might be hurt depending on the situation because I may forget that it's not done personally.

I just want to find a way to talk about the things that I feel are important.

Also I have noticed she doesn't start conversation quite as much as she used to, but I guess that could also be because she's focusing on other things?

I'm not sure why your girlfriend does this. The easiest way to understand may be to simply ask her directly with no social pussyfooting around it why she displays this behaviour. I've observed many autistics won't be offended by this approach and you may get your answer.
For myself I find speaking verbally uncomfortable so try to minimise it. Two examples I can think of for not responding relate to rational thinking. I often talk to someone who brings up an old complaint almost verbatim every time we meet. I have had this discussion exhaustively and know that nothing I can possibly say will change anything, so I don't. Another example is talking to someone who believes that specific species of wild birds know they are welcome in her yard, whereas others know they are not welcome, so by entering in response to available food sources, the latter are doing it deliberately to annoy her. You can't reason with that kind of delusion, so I don't.
It's possible your girlfriend has made a similar judgements about some topics you raise. Just an idea.

My husband is an aspie and hates it when people leave him voicemail. He never listens to them. When he gets a voicemail, an annoying thing pops up on his phone and then he has to manually dial in and put in codes in order to clear the thing on his phone. He also hates talking on the phone in general.

If I were you, I would ask her directly why she stopped responding in that specific instance. Ask if there was something that you did that made her uncomfortable and if there is something you can do differently.

I will have to try this. I thought I had already tried it, but I honestly can't remember.



This is a good point as well. I know there was one topic I would bring up that she kind of had that attitude towards.

I will have to ask her. Thank you.