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electricsaygeo
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15 Nov 2015, 5:18 pm

Do you guys look a person in the eyes when you talk to them?
Or only certain people like friends or family? What about the girl/guy you like? 8)
Did anyone overcome this later in life?

I'm 17 and I don't look anyone in the eyes... I look downwards and to the right, come to think of it. Advice? :(



bluegill
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15 Nov 2015, 7:01 pm

I do make eye contact, but it is difficult. I notice that I get nervous and have a hard time paying attention. I tend to stare at people I am not talking to, though.



Rocket123
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15 Nov 2015, 7:46 pm

Occasionally, I will look at someone's eyes, to see where they are focused. But, I rarely "lock eyes" with someone else. Especially, when I am talking to them.



xile123
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15 Nov 2015, 7:48 pm

I've noticed I only make eye contact (unbroken staring) if I'm really angry with that person. Otherwise no, I'll rarely if ever make eye contact with a person and if I do it's either from my "side vision" or for a split second glance.



Sofa_King_720
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15 Nov 2015, 11:57 pm

My eye contact is fine at times, but whenever I'm tired or anxious, it's always a problem. There are times where I had to speak in front of the class, and my professor would always tell me to work on my eye contact. I just took it as constructive criticism, and worked with it a little bit. Slowly but surely, I'm getting better with it.



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16 Nov 2015, 2:05 am

My advice is to learn about showmanship. What helped me learn was I used to be a member of the International Brotherhood of Magicians and would listen to professional magicians give advice at meetings.

A good book to read is "The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism" by Olivia Fox Cabane.

Under normal conditions, my answer is, I don't know if I'm making normal eye contact or not.

That said, I've learned a little about showmanship and acting on stage in front of an audience.
So if I'm performing to entertain people, like dressing up in a Star Trek outfit and pretending I'm a character and then giving a speech at a ship meeting, or performing a skit at a masquerade contest, then I make more of an effort to make eye contact and use powerful, charismatic body language.

It should be noted that when I'm in a performance environment, I'm usually far away from people and not wearing my glasses, so I can't see the audience well anyways, which helps me so I don't get stage fright ... * evil grin * :)

...


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izzeme
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16 Nov 2015, 4:48 am

I can put up a convincing act; i have asked people that i trusted to flat-out give me the truth on my eye-contact act, and only after i told them where i was actually looking at did they manage to notice that.

Actually making eye-contact: only to someone i love (happened only to one person so far), or someone i truly hate (a lot more often), to anyone else, it hurts like hell: even with my parents, eye-contact is painful.



Malus_Domestica
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16 Nov 2015, 5:06 am

I'm pretty good at it. I've observed in movies etc how people look at one another (not specifically watched movies with this intent, it's just something I've observed) and seen how they change which eye they look at. So I do try to change which eye I'm looking at, however the downside of this is that I might miss what they're telling me as I get so hung up in "changing eyes". However, I live in a place where it's totally normal not to look into each other's eyes. So I guess I haven't stood out enough for anyone to really notice. What hurts the most for me is if I'm upset and my husband looks at me with concern. I can see it out of the corner of my eye and it's pretty intense.

And like someone above me here wrote - I also lock eyes if I'm angry with whoever I'm talking too. Happened only this weekend, I had a row with my mother, this rarely happens, but I stared her down while yelling at her.


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Rocket123
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16 Nov 2015, 10:35 am

Malus_Domestica wrote:
...and seen how they change which eye they look at...

Really??? I thought eye contact meant looking at both eyes at the same time. I didn't realize you were supposed to focus on one eye and then another.



bluegill
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16 Nov 2015, 11:50 am

Rocket123 wrote:
Malus_Domestica wrote:
...and seen how they change which eye they look at...

Really??? I thought eye contact meant looking at both eyes at the same time. I didn't realize you were supposed to focus on one eye and then another.


Unless that person's eyes are looking in different directions. Then you don't know which one to look at!



Justeve
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16 Nov 2015, 3:44 pm

Eye contact is a struggle for me, I usually glance at them them look away and then make sure I kept having the occasional glance so they know I'm interested.
If I force myself to make eye contact I can't hear the other person as my mind is filled with...I'm feeling really awkward, I don't like this, how long should I look for, it feels though I'm staring, this is painful, do they notice how awkward I am, I should follow what they do-but I can't as that would mean I have to stare...why is this so hard.

So the glances work for me.


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SilverProteus
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16 Nov 2015, 3:51 pm

Rocket123 wrote:
Malus_Domestica wrote:
...and seen how they change which eye they look at...

Really??? I thought eye contact meant looking at both eyes at the same time. I didn't realize you were supposed to focus on one eye and then another.


People seem to spend more time looking at the left eye, so that's what I do.


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Snusmurikken
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25 Nov 2015, 5:08 pm

I don't have any trouble making eye contact. I generally don't make eye contact, when not spoken to. This only applies to strangers and people i've just met.



AlexHofstadter
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25 Nov 2015, 11:32 pm

I only look my sister at the eyes, and I do look at other people when talking only if the topic of conversation fascinates me, and I feel I have something important to say (and after I say it, I suspend eye contact).
I also INEVITABLY stare at girls when they attract me. And I love when they reciprocate it. I know they have no idea why I stare at them. But holy s**t, I can't avoid it, for some reason.


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Jacoby
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25 Nov 2015, 11:45 pm

Glancing eye contact at best, steady no

look thru someone maybe



Grahzmann
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27 Nov 2015, 12:53 am

I started becoming aware last year that I look people in the mouth. I don't even know anyone's eye color.