Idea on being forced to socialise

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I wondered why recently I am extremely on edge in my building but have zero social anxiety anywhere I actually go myself, and theorised that it may be due to being "forced" to socialise versus choosing to do so.
In the building I always have my fingers crossed coming in that no one is loitering/smoking around the main doors otherwise I will be forced to stop and socialise with them even if I don't want to. I'm always on edge at night when I have lights on that someone will see the lights and think it's acceptable to knock on my door and expect me to socialise. I was even scurrying down the stairs as quickly and silently as I could to get to the laundry room and back before anyone saw me, because if they did, again, I would be forced to socialise with them or risk appearing rude and causing drama and social trouble for myself.
In contrast, I have zero social anxiety attending meditations or other situations where I am going to talk to and socialise with people, because I have prepared for that. I'm doing it deliberately. And if it is too much, I can leave and be alone. But this situation where I am forced to socialise if I encounter anyone in the building just to keep the peace is a huge and stupid source of anxiety. That make sense to anyone else? I wonder how to walk the fine line of being pleasant with cohabitators to keep the peace without indicating that it's ok to ambush me and force me to socialise with them.

I completely relate, except I have the ability to still (somewhat) (slightly) keep my cool and remain level-headed.

I prefer to approach other people than other people approach me first in any social situation, no matter what. This gives me time to think (I don't overthink which causes inaction like some aspies, I just give it some thought then approach) and also can even imagine some basic 'reaction' moves to whicher direction a conversation might go once I initiate.

When others approach me I get 'caught of guard' and find itfar more difficult to 'think fast' and react. I am capable of reverting to a standard polite reaction though I'm still working on this.

Not every situation I have a reaction prepared to either in case I am caught off-guard, so some situations I can freeze up and require a few seconds to stop and think or if I don't do that, I'll end up using a bad reply.

I'm in this exact same situation and I totally relate and know what you mean. And my theory is that it's all about choice. Choice being in your own hands and under your control, is what makes the difference between these experiences.

When you know that you have decided to go somewhere you will be required to be social, that's your own choice and the very fact that you are willing to go means that you're "up for it" and will be mentally and emotionally prepared for the social interactions.

But when you are just coming and going out of a building you share with strangers, your primary focus is simply to go about your day, not to socialize. You're not choosing "I'm going to be waylaid and chatted with now, in the next ten minutes!" Your objective is to go to the laundry room and back, or leave for work or shopping, or come home tired from work or shopping. You don't want to do anything but those things. So naturally when the socializing is forced upon you by a "friendly neighbor" it's a bother and you're also not prepared for witty banter, answers to questions, a conversation etc.

This is why these encounters cause you anxiety but planned and deliberate encounters are fine for you; you chose the latter and will be somewhat ready for them, but you don't choose the random ones that jump out at you in your building.

The only thing you can plan for in the building is to prepare some kind of reaction that will curtail these random encounters as quickly but politely as possible.

Deliberately script out various very brief "speeches" to use on people in the building. Have a quick line ready for all circumstances, whether someone comments on the weather, asks where you're going (my neighbors outright ask where I'm going! ), comments on something you wearing, doing, carrying, etc.

Try to think up things to respond with that are polite but don't tend to encourage further enquiry or responses. Often, ending whatever you say with the additional sentence:

"Well, running late, must hurry, bye now." Or similar, without waiting for a response, and while physically continuing to move onward where you were going, can give a clear message that you're not going to stop and chat.

Or, if you can pull it off, maybe practice in a mirror, don't even speak in response to anyone -- instead just look them in the eyes briefly with a closed-mouth smile and a nod of acknowledgement, while keeping on walking very determinedly in the direction you're going. The nod and smile keeps things pleasant and the person doesn't feel slighted (hopefully), but the silence and the physical continuance of walking purposefully past without stopping sends a clear message that you're busy and can't be drawn into an encounter.

I've decided that my next building I move to, I'm only going to silently nod and never get drawn into anything. It's gone too far in my current building to where these people are intrusive.

Exactly. Sounds like we've bitten off more than we can chew in a rather classic autistic misstep - when I moved in I was very keen to make a good impression and try to be social with my neighbours because I know the opposite is usually true and people don't like me. But I may have overdone it and given the impression that I want to be constantly accosted at any time of day or night and steered into lengthy social situations with people I don't particularly like.
I recently discovered the back gate opens enough for me to get through, and I can get in the laundry room door and avoid the main doors altogether. I just have to avoid meeting anyone on the stairs. But even this is getting ridiculous - I have to sneak through the gate and past the side of the building to the door, open the laundry room door carefully and listen for any movement in the stairwell, then bolt up the stairs as quietly as possible and into my flat before anyone sees me. Once there I have to try and keep noise and light to an absolute minimal in case anyone sees and knocks on the door. Its dumb, I'm literally hiding from people in my own place to avoid socialising with them, and feel constantly on edge and hyper alert to any noise or movement.
Sounds like we both need to move and be a bit cooler with the next lot of tenants.

This is the approach that I have been taking for a while. Often I will smile, nod, wave, and keep walking. But, people in my small apartment complex seem to keep to themselves anyways.

keep walking, that's the thing, even if you say something back
don't answer exactly, say goodmorning or whatever, they're there to confuse you

and when you're prepared for a chat, it just turns out that's not what they were looking for at all

Yes, we've both done exactly the same thing! I too wanted to start out on the good foot with people there, and give a good impression -- but I over-did it and they all formed an impression of an open person totally up for being stopped to talk, having my door knocked on, things stuck through my letter slot etc, when all I want is to just stay under everyone's radar and come and go anonymously. "Friendly but not actually 'friends'" kind of thing.

I always seem to overcompensate when I'm trying to show people I'm an okay person, often because I'm fighting down my depression and anxiety, and if I acted outwardly the way I really feel, well, people freak out at a clearly, visibly depressed or anxious person, lol! So I overcompensate with the "Hail fellow well met" thing, and wind up giving people an impression of me that misleads them.

I am definitely going to put the smile-nod-and-keep-walking thing into priority mode if I ever get out of this place alive.

Over-compensation is huge, I'm learning. I do this in social situations too, and end up acting like some smiling jolly buffoon and feel like inside, the real me is watching the thinking "what the hell are you doing?! stop it!" It's not what I'm actually like, but I'm overcompensating as I know naturally I can be cold and reserved, and I'm trying to be more happy and fun and so on to be more likeable. It may take a lot of reprogramming to stop this instant over-compensation but I believe giving a closer approximation of what we're actually like may be helpful. This is an autism thing, too - being unclear on how our actions appear to others and how that is likely to cause them to respond. Plus the real kicker is that you cannot de-escalate this. If you try, people interpret it as you now having a problem with them, not just being a quiet person. However if you start off a bit stiff and eventually "warm up" that is considered more understandable and acceptable.

I'm relieved to hear I'm not alone, C2V. Overcompensation has been the bane of my existence ever since I realized at a young age that there seemed to be "something wrong" with how I came across to people -- even though essentially there really wasn't and isn't, it was just my lack of self-acceptance and other people's lack of acceptance of others, that was screwing with my head.

I still have to work on cutting down the over compensation every day, as sadly it became so ingrained in me. There was one period in my life where I was surrounded by more laid back people and I was actually able to drop myself back down to the levels I more naturally exist in -- (and discovered that the world didn't end!), but now that I'm around people whom I don't feel that level of acceptance from, it's too easy for me to revert into the overcompensation again.

It's such a struggle to reverse this kind of thing.