How common is this?

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Hi:
I wanted to know how common it is for people to have close friends who seem to have other friends, spouse/g/bfriends and family who dislike or don't want us around because of our weird quirks. Yet this information is only heard through the grapevine by your close friend.

For instance- Let's say you appeared to get along with one another of their's and the even goes well one time. The next thing you hear from your friend that their friend didn't like you because you were too bubbly. Yet the person does not tell you themselves.

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 13 Dec 2015, 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's common, even among "normals". Try being the white spouse of an Asian woman in an Asian community, or the black spouse of a white man in a white community. There will always be a sense of alienation for the one person who is not like the others.

I had two insecure females at different points in my life who oftened claimed that all of their friends or family members either disliked me or did but could take me in micro dosages. Yet I would never hear it from the actual source itself who supposedly said such things or felt a certain way about me.

You should tell them they can't have their cake and eat it too.

I have never understood that idiom. Could you explain?

It means that you can not engage in two mutually exclusive activities at the same time.

...

You have a cake.

You can eat the cake; in which case, it will be gone, and you will no longer have it.

-OR-

You can NOT eat it; in which case, you will continue to have it.

...

A similar concept is: "You can't save your money and spend it too".

I've had that happen to me occasionally. I'd have two friends, right, who were friends with each other as well - and sometimes I'd hear from one friend that the other friend that ___ about me sometimes. It turned out to be right, and I worked on myself a bit, and now I'm better friends with both of them!

I don't where these "Friends" get the idea where they can convey third party information to people who they are supposed to love like brothers and sisters.
2. If they are not careful the information will get right back to the main source and it will NOT be very pretty.

Even if it's true any friend would be willing to stick up the person rather than stand in the shadows and let things continue.

Blunt honesty regarding what you really think of people, said to them directly, particularly within overlapping social circles is highly discouraged and unacceptable for some reason it seems. I've never understood it much.

I sort of have an opposite-ish problem. My best (and only real) friend for years is not liked by my spouse or my mom. I've known the guy for 15 years and his family is like my family. But the only other two people's opinions in the world I care about dislike him strongly. I don't quietly tolerate it however.

My point is, I stick up for him constantly. Even if what they are saying has an element of truth to it. I always defend people who aren't present to defend themselves, even if I dislike them. I just hate talk s**t behind people's backs.

But typical social rules are contrary to these ideas. I wish I knew why too. It's dumb.

Very few people would straight out tell you what they think of you when they dislike you. I wouldn't either. I might rant to some specific people about it, but I'd never say so to the person him/herself, that would just cause problems, it'd make me feel uncomfortable and I'd be seen as unpleasant. Most people wish to avoid conflict.
It's very common.

It is true that people do talk behind our backs about how much they dislike us while seeming to lead us along. That's not always good because people are so scared about "Hurting" someone's feelings. Even if they don't use the words "I don't like you." What about something along the lines of "I think you are a good person and I respect that. I don't really care for you."