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Radicalpizzaeater
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 19 Dec 2015
Posts: 1
Location: Washington

20 Dec 2015, 1:00 am

Hi everyone. This is my first post here. I have read so much insightful stuff in this site and have finally decided to pose my own question.

I really struggle with declining people to hang out.
I HATE hanging out with people. I just got a job at Taco Bell. I have been there for like 2 months (im 21 btw). I'm a really pretty girl and I am really smiley and nice at work :/ I can't help it :/ and all my coworkers are really nice too! And weird so I fit in pretty well I'm REALLY lucky finding this job. So don't get me wrong. But it's also causing tension for me:/
Because, Then my coworkers want to hang out. A long term (6 years) friend of mine works there too and we hang out sometimes but just once in a while.... I don't hang out with people. I just don't like to. I've hung out with a couple people from work a couple times and It was exhausting. Everyone keeps asking me to hang out with them and stuff... :/
I smoke weed and sometimes smoke w people after work or on break or something... But then they ask to hang out outside of work... And...
They get butthurt that I don't want to. I always make an excuse or just ignore people. You can only turn someone down so many times before hey get offended. But it's not THEM. I just DONT hang out w people usually. It's so stressful. I don't know how to get people to leave me alone. I don't like socializing!! ! People don't get it!! !
What do I say? Does anyone have any advice? I don't want to tell people about aspergers. But this is really exhausting. I am just struggling and would really appreciate any advice anyone can give me.



Grahzmann
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 8 Mar 2015
Age: 31
Posts: 326
Location: Oregon

20 Dec 2015, 2:43 am

If you (politely) decline enough, people will eventually stop asking. If your coworkers are decent, it shouldn't really hurt your relations with them much. Of course, this does mean that if, on some freak day, you Do feel like hanging out, it'll be up to you to initiate, which can be difficult (for me, at least).

I know exactly what you mean though, as I struggle with the same thing. I don't really "hang out" much either. It gets awkward very quickly and I'd usually rather just be doing something on my own anyway.



Varelse
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 5 Sep 2015
Age: 61
Posts: 368

20 Dec 2015, 3:54 pm

I tell people that I need a lot of time alone, and that this is to me what oxygen is to most people - essential. I try to make them feel valued during the time we *are* together, by complimenting them frequently or asking them about the things that are important to them (like their hobbies, kids, family, whatever). That way, they're getting enough out of me when we're interacting in the context (work, school, garden, etc), and are less likely to take it personally when the interaction doesn't happen out of context.