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Summer_Twilight
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24 Dec 2015, 10:12 am

I have been associating with a friend off and on for two years and we are of the opposite sex. There has been a conflict with us since April. He has been wanting to sweep things under the rug and move on. Anyway he invited me to get together since we are both off from work for the holidays. It turned out that he only wanted to hang out with me because he needed someone to go with him. He also had been chasing around another girl who had been dating someone else and just broke up with them. He got his feelings hurt. So that's why he hung out with me.

I have more to say later but don't have time



nerdygirl
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24 Dec 2015, 10:52 am

Are you talking about what happened in April?
Did he apologize? Maybe he feels bad about it and just wants to stop revisiting it because it makes him feel ashamed.
If things are OK between you two now, I would let it go.
I understand wanting all the pieces in order, but sometimes things can't be that way. If he has apologized, just trust that he means well and that he felt bad and doesn't intend to do it again.
Then I would trust that he wants to hang out with you for you until you have evidence that says otherwise.
See if that bad behavior was a one-time thing or a repeated behavior.
It sounds like you don't know the answer yet, so try to give him the benefit of the doubt.



Summer_Twilight
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25 Dec 2015, 1:32 am

We had some other issues in May which took place at a convention where he and his two friends, who I roomed with behaved in a cliquish manner because they love video games and I am into anime and animation. They were very rude the entire time and he doesn't seem to really care to talk it out with me.

Anyway we went out this past Weds on a mini road tip to another city away from where we both live. This was because he has been recently been corresponding with another girl through a dating site. Well she kept leading him around and eventually blew him off. So he wanted to know that he could go there without feeling afraid to do so.

He also had a crush on another girl who was in another relationship but they had also been corresponding as friends. She recently broke up with her boyfriend two weeks ago. From what it sounds like, he had been chasing her around.

When we were on our way, he told me that we may need to start dating if we don't find anyone else before 40. I told him I felt like it was a bad idea. For one thing I am not interested in him in a romantic sense. When we were in the city he didn't seem too excited about us being together along with also seeming to pay more attention to his phone when we sat down for lunch.

Later on, he was fixing to drop me off at my condo and he said he was tired and was worried about falling asleep at the wheel. I let him take a nap on my couch for a few hours while I took one in my room. I went out to get my mail and along my way out, I noticed that he had been passing gas which was unpleasant. I also felt like he took his sweet time in getting up. When he left I just had an icky feeling.



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25 Dec 2015, 1:55 am

I do not know you or him or the situation that is surrounding you two...but it sounds like you are not into him. He does not sound too considerate on the whole. I have had friends that have turned me off due to their boorish behavior and it sounds like what is happening to you.
Just an observation.



Summer_Twilight
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25 Dec 2015, 2:45 am

I think he is a super nice guy but I really feel like he's only been hanging around because he has been trying to find a girlfriend and he's only looking at me as a last minute option and I don't want that.

In terms of crashing on my couch I don't feel comfortable with him doing that again. What should I say?



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25 Dec 2015, 9:14 am

Just be honest and tell him you're not cool with him staying over.


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Summer_Twilight
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25 Dec 2015, 1:23 pm

For one thing he lives in the area and there are several convenience stores that he can get gas and load up and coffee another energy drink.

How should I make the comment about the coffee?

Should I also express my concerns about him chasing other girls around?

Should I call him over the phone or offer to meet him somewhere?



redbrick1
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25 Dec 2015, 1:48 pm

IDK..I have learned over the years to keep my opinions to myself unless the other person asked. I found that people rarely care to hear what I have to say in a matter unless they expressly asked me.
But there is no owners manual for social interaction so it all depends on your relationship with him and how he sees you.
I am confused about the coffee issue. Is that a concern?
As for the someone sleeping over your house is definitely a need for concern on how to deal with it. I would think up different scenarios in my head on how to say it and they all sound hostile and awkward...so how I would handle it for the next time is if he asks or it comes up than I would just say no. Saying no politely enough times and people would get the hint.



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25 Dec 2015, 3:44 pm

He sounds manipulative.
And he literally does not pass the smell test. (This is the most polite thing I could come up with in response to him "passing gas" ... I should stop now, but will have to admit I found this kind of humorous.) :lol:
On a serious note, sounds like he's testing your boundaries
to see if he can take advantage of you.
I hear that abusers act this way ... seem oh, so nice to start with ...
then it's all about them and their selfish wants, and all downhill for you.
Given the history between you,
the rudeness at the convention and then him wanting to minimize it or act like it never happened, ...
personally if it were me,
I wouldn't want to even just be friends with him.
Be careful.
Stay safe.
Find better friends who respect you.
And since he won't explain his former past rude behavior to you,
you certainly don't owe him any explanations.

...



Summer_Twilight
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25 Dec 2015, 6:11 pm

1. I was going to suggest that if he is tired like that and lives in the same area I am going to suggest that he can go pick up some coffee or some sort of beverage that will keep him awake just enough to get home.

2. When was about to leave I openly said more than I should of about the girl that he was chasing after in that she was not that attractive. That might have been because I was mad at him.

He took off with an attitude.



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25 Dec 2015, 7:43 pm

I am a little confused -
Did this interaction happen when you were talking to him?
Sounds like the argument got heated. At what point did that happen?



Summer_Twilight
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25 Dec 2015, 9:32 pm

If you are talking about the interactions with the other two females no. Those happened on two separate occasions which caused him to feel down.

He contacted me because he was lonely which we has not. I feel like he only contacted me after both of them had turned him down. He did not have the courtesy to call me otherwise.



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25 Dec 2015, 10:03 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Friend using me?


There's a different kind of Friendship?

Seriously though, friendship is all about giving and taking, sometimes it's mutual, other times it's completely one sided.

Most friendships are fueled on the basic maintenance of assurances that you'll be there when they need you, and they'll be there when you need them. Friendships are essentially long standing alliances that have no set expatriation date.

In your particular case, you need to work out if this man is a friend, or a love interest, wherever your interests lie, you need to make sure that both you and he are on the same page.


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nerdygirl
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25 Dec 2015, 10:08 pm

Summer_Twilight, does this guy does not have a romantic interest in you?



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25 Dec 2015, 10:43 pm

I am still a bit confused (common issue with me ). In a pervious posts you made it clear that you were not romantically interested in him but that maybe he may be looking at you differently. You stated that he would only call you when he have exhausted all other romantic options, he had asked if you were interested in a romantic fling and you correctly evaluated through his non verbal communication that he was not really interested.
Maybe it is because you have only pointed out the negative but I fail to see why this guy is on your radar.
If you have a feeling of being used than you might be..why are you hanging with this man?



Summer_Twilight
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26 Dec 2015, 10:47 am

Before we got together and did lunch or dinner one on one and we would talk like brother and sister since I have made it clear that I am not interested. I wanted to keep it that way. However after what I saw I am not really sure.