The Way I Speak Around Others

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Every time I'm around others, I'm aware that I sound confused, dumb or something. Very hard to explain. I talk too fast and sometimes lose track of the point or idea. I tend to panic when improvising a conversation and I have gone as far as to tell a fib because I've lost track of what I was trying to communicate. (Not even a fib, really. Just an unrelated thought thrown out before I could catch it.)

Some people will take advantage of this and only later do I realize they weren't interested in what I was saying, but rather egging me on and, in a way, making fun of me. I wind up getting very angry. Like a couple of days after Christmas, I was unable to hold in how upset I was with how a couple of relatives treated me. (Lots of crying and screaming and wanting to cut my hair...) I felt like I was being bullied for the way that I speak.

I want to learn how to verbally express myself better with people I don't regularly converse with. My brother and mom are used to how I speak and I can hold a great conversation with them. They actually understand me quite well. It's when I talk to others that this situation arises.

Anyone ever experience this problem? How do I avoid this, or deal with this?

I'm sorry you had those lousy days with those relatives.

What did they say to you?

They don't really say anything, but will do things in a passive manner. Like my sister will over talk me or abruptly change the subject. My cousin will talk about something then look at me in a strange, disgusted way as if I said something wrong. They will also bring up stuff I've said before only to make a rude comment like my cousin noting how much longer her hair is than mine. My cousin's mom even rubbed her hair in my face! (Not very passive. To me, that's a form of assault.)

I also get nervous, sometimes talk louder, or faster, or just shut off completely.

My only solution at the moment is to just not speak to them when they are around.

They sound like horrible people. Why would you even want to talk to them?

Growing up, I had several female cousins around my same age that would make fun of me all the time. They'd roll their eyes when they thought I wasn't looking, make mean, but somewhat subtle insults that they thought I couldn't understand (they also directly insulted me) and tell me how much better they were than I was, in an indirect way. They also excluded me from everything in a very obvious way so that I knew they were doing it on purpose.

They did all these things because I was weird, I was different, I was awkward, not cool, had poor social skills, etc. I often didn't even know why they were making fun of me, or what they thought was so funny.

I learned how to detect nasty, mean girl behavior as a result of them. I never see them now, and I have no use for them.

My point is, why waste your time on mean people? Your sister is your sister, but cousins, aunts, whatever, they don't matter. They don't deserve your time.

Forget about these idiots.

Just get involved in studying your special interest, and learning things in general.

Thank you both and I agree. I don't want anything to do with them. My mom keeps thinking I'm making it up.

I am learning something new through Coursera, Kraftiekortie. Stuff means more to me than trying to maintain relationships with mean relatives.

I felt that I should confront them, but I will do to them what I usually do to people who give me that sort of signal. I will just back away and not talk to them when they come by. I did it once to my sister, then she reached out, but I can do it again. It's not worth it.

Why would your aunt rub her hair in your face?

I'm not discounting the possibility that she had some malevolent intention in what she did but:

Maybe she's Aspie, and doesn't have a good sense of her own personal space (also known as proprioception).

I bump into people all the time because I don't, at times, have a good sense of where I'm located in relation to other people, animals, and things.

She does have some Aspie traits. However, she did it to be mean about my hair. That's where there subtle jokes were going. I'm very natural (because it's my darn hair and none of anyone's business) and I once disclosed this... That was part of her daughter egging me on about it and not being interested but only wanting to make fun of me. She did that on a couple of occasions. Then the weird looks at each other and subtle jokes or comments about my hair. So that was in relation to that.

It's quite confusing because they got me gifts and my cousin even invited me out. But my mom said that if they ever bring me up in conversation, she will tell that I just want some private time to myself for a while. I don't have to see them, but they have a closer relationship with my mom. I just won't see them.

And yea, I've ran into poles and doors and walls. She hugged me then put her hair in my face. That was the final straw, and I overreacted, according to my mom. I couldn't let it go because to me that's assault. She violated my space by doing that and I know she did it intentionally because of how things were going and how she turned her head to accomplish the movement.

You were born too late!

You would have been hip in the 1970s--especially if you have an Afro.

My wife feels she has to either put weaves in her hair, wear wigs, or straighten her hair. She won't try anything else.

Truthfully, many African-American women, when they achieve success, keep their hair short, but natural.

I notice that. But some women also feel that that's the only acceptable way to wear their hair. It's also easier. But its' like a piece of yourself that you're either perming or hiding away. I also believe it's their right. I would only suggest it because it's one of the greatest ways to learn more about yourself. I've adopted so many healthful practices because of it.

Plus there's a lot more to it. There are many opinions and practices floating around out there that there's still a lot of conflict concerning certain types of "natural" hair. I love myself enough to not put up with the abuse. They can keep on talking about me, but I don't have to listen to it. I can accept and be comfortable with myself and I'm sure they can't process that.

Back to topic. I just hate that they treat me differently and they don't even truly know me. I'm very sincere and often find pleasure in simple things. My interests are also...interesting, lol. But they don't know that. They are too busy judging me or treating me like I'm a kid. Part of that is due to the way I talk, also...

I'm a simple guy, too.

My family treats me like a kid, too.

If you are black...I have noticed black women seem to have a lot of "hair issues", meaning they seem to worry a lot about their own hair, other black womens' hair, and have very strong opinions on what black women in general do with their hair.

That seems like a awful lot of stress over hair and I'm glad I don't have to deal with it myself. I've always wondered why many black women feel it necessary to alter the natural aspect of their hair to such an extent.
Other women do it too but they don't seem to hate their natural hair. I like natural hair myself. My hair is curly and I do nothing to it but wash, condition, and use oil on it. Maybe I will straighten some day to see what it's like.

Anyway, regardless, it's really, really rude for someone to push their hair in your face! And it sounds like some of the reason they are picking on you about your hair is that they disagree with your choice, and your right to make that choice.

It really sounds like they don't respect you at all. If you have trouble speaking to get your point across, you could just glare at them if they make such comments, leave the room if you have to. Let them know that you are not a kid, deserve respect, and won't put up with that behavior.