Limiting interaction time to maintain freinds longer?

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Has anybody found that time limiting close contact when making freinds helps maintain long term relationships?

Engaging in small doses means its less intense for them (I am too intense over longer periods), and less hard work maintaining my social graces for me.

EG go for a beer for 1-2 hours rather than 4 hours all evening.

I am coming to the conclusion that I may often be initially attractive and interesting to other potential friends (if eccentric), but that soon turns into annoyance/distancing if I spend too long with them and my intensity, social mis-cues and apparent aloofness begin to leak out and it becomes hard work for them.

I think i should acknowledge my eccentricity early on and use it as an interesting/atractive feature of myself and then Limit the time spent with others, when I start getting too intense I need to leave so as not to overwhelm them.

Small doses might be more manageable for them and thus hlp me maintain freindships longer?
A few other people have mentioned this as a friendship strategy.

Does this work?

Why do you want to be friends with someone that can't accept you for who you are?

It's not about not being accepted for who one is, it's about learning how to balance a relationship so that the other person is not overwhelmed as a result of accepting you.

My husband accepts me! But there are times when I start to go on and on about something and he has to tell me that he can't handle listening to it right then. It's not that he *never* will, but that my timing was off. Or maybe he is extra tired at that moment. Etc. At those times, it would not be kind of me to keep bombarding him with whatever I am talking about.

This is even more true for people with whom we have a less deep relationship. The problem is that many people will not TELL us what the problem is and just quit being our friends. I think Peejay is right to try and limit the intensity, and that can partly be done by hanging out in shorter amounts, at least at first when a friendship is still in the beginning stages.

As friendship grows and someone gets used to you, longer periods may be OK.

I also am extremely intense...even in small doses. I do tell people this right off, but it doesn't always help. For me, I get along OK socially as long as I don't share my opinions with others. I try to be careful about who I open up to, and try to start small. If I am still accepted, I try something more. It is not often I will find a friend who will stick around for the long haul. My only real friend who has been around for a long time is my husband, but right now I have a couple of other beginning friendships I hope might last. People who can take being my friends also have strong personalities and opinions and seem to have some autistic traits themselves.

OP, i think this is a very wise idea. In my younger years, i lost what seemed to be to be good friendships without really understanding why. Looking back, i think it was probably due to me wearying my friends of my company. I think that, due to the lack of social understanding and the fact that i don't do "shallow" and small talk well, i have a shorter time span before i wear out my welcome with someone.

I tend to be too reserved if i don't know someone well; but on the flip side, prone to oversharing and having intense opinions on deep topics once i get to know someone. It probably is exhausting. Sometimes i get my feelings a little hurt when i realize someone is tired of me and they have switched from enjoying my company to polite tolerance. But i don't know what to do about it other than to just walk away. Which may be the wisest thing to do anyway.

It was more of a focused question directed at Peejay, as opposed to a generalized question meant for everyone...

In the sense that, I was genuinely interested in hearing Peejay's thought's on the matter. The more I understand about him, the more likely I/others will be better equipped to help him.

I`m 53 and have had literally dozens of `failed` relationships in fact 100%.
I have tried to understand why and the posters above have nailed it about being over intense and exhausting people.

Its not about getting them to accept me as I am or nothing .... thats been my method for 40+ years and its not working! splendid isolation?

I have to take responsibility for my own behaviour if I am to enrich my social life.
This feels like quite a practical approach knowing how I make other people feel.

a good first step might be learning to spell friends correctly!

No matter your neurology, people must make compromises for others.

My way or the highway doesn't work.

Excellent advice, I will try to use it, take everything down a few notches.

I just had a friend tell me to turn it down. This friend didn't *QUIT* being my friend, like most people!

It is really, really tough because I crave more connection with people than I get. It becomes very hard, then, when I find someone I actually like enough to want to be friends with that person. Then I can easily go overboard because I have so much craving built up. It is like being extremely hungry and then finally having an opportunity to eat. It is not easy to politely eat at a regular pace!

Probly.an.aspie...great description. That is me, too.

It is a bit different for me. I do not have friends. People are kept at a distance. Most of my conversations are short and I try to be humorous. I use politeness and humor as a shield.

My brother is a problem. He calls frequently. The phone calls are always the same. He talks at me. Dumping all his fears on me. All I can do is stroke his ego and try to get off the phone. This has been going on for years. I feel bad and his calls can ruin my day.

The other day, he called early and greeted me in a very loud voice with "Happy New Year". I nearly dropped the phone. It was not a good phone call, kept it short, my conversation processing was shot.

Sometimes, I will call him with a few subjects to talk about. That works fine. But, an early morning call, I am not prepared, my mind is usually busy doing something else. Switching tasks is not easy for me.

I can't even imagine how I appear to him. He thinks autism is an excuse for us weird people.

Is not answering the phone rude? Should I just let it ring and call back when I am ready?

PS: I am very impressed by the way people in this thread can see themselves through another person's eyes.

I used to always answer the phone, feeling "dishonest" if i was there and did not answer it. But the reality is that sometimes it is just not a good time to talk. I do sometimes let the phone ring now if it is a bad time, or if the person calling is someone i am not ready to talk to.

If i were in your shoes--if i knew that I would need to get emotionally ready to talk to someone, i would let it ring if they called at a bad time. Then call them back. That seems perfectly reasonable to me. Not rude so much as taking care of what you need to do.

Thank you, I will try not answering and call back when I am ready.

I don't answer the phone unless I am ready to talk to someone. They don't know why I didn't answer...they think I am just busy. I call back when I am ready.

Thank you, two votes yes. Sounds like I have a new plan

I will add that my caller ID helps a lot with this. Sometimes I *must* answer the phone (ie. a business call.) I do use caller ID to screen when I must answer the phone and when I can let it slide. I usually let family members slide because I can easily call them back. If a friend calls whom I haven't spoken to in months, I will probably answer. But it is great to be able to screen!

This is a good friend, nerdygirl you are lucky..... sounds like an NT being straight and clear with you....

I can deal with that!

The next paragraph sums me up perfectly.