So sick of the ya-ya-ya and insincerity

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I'm so sick of suggesting to people, "hey, we should get together" and hearing "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea" and then finding out that the person never has any intention of actually following through. As soon as I make a suggestion that we actually *plan* a time to do such-and-such activity, there's always an excuse as to why they can't. Or they back out. And eventually I realize that they never had any interest in doing something with me.

Why are so many people like this? I know I am generally a nice person, so I don't know why I constantly get the run-around.

Not everyone is genuine but once you find out, then you know who your true friends are.

I think, sometimes, people are just lazy. Honestly.

It helps to say, "We should get together ... how about this Saturday?"

If you leave your interests vague, then the person you're talking to will likely also be vague. Set a specific date, time, and place, and the other person is more likely to give a definitive "No" or "Yes" response.

Just remember that it is considered ill manners to ask someone out and expect them to pay for the date.

It's called ghosting. You make plans and then when they're supposed to happen, poof, the other person just disappears like a ghost. It's usually used to describe breakups where one partner completes the breakup by just disappearing, leaving the other partner to wonder wtf happened. Basically it's the coward's approach to conflict, just disappear and hope it goes away-- out of sight, out of mind.

Most people don't like to get things when it's too short of a notice and maybe it's why they are telling you no.

On the other hand if you invite them in advance and still come up with excuses, it means they are not interested.

In the situations I've been in, I have not been able to give specific dates because we were talking about something future. Then, when the time grew closer, I mentioned it again and nailed down something more specific. For example, I was going to meet with one person about planning out a hiking trip or two (just a day) together and looking at a map, and she bailed on me with the planning and never brought it up again. I asked another person to play some music. The answer was "sure", but then when I asked about setting a date, there was no answer. I asked another person to get together to chat. She was busy, but suggested a time when I was busy. Then she had to go on vacation. Then she was busy some more. Then she never followed up like she said she would. She may have just forgotten, but she put me off so long (the whole process above took months), I gave up.

I've also had two women in my life who I'd like to have as friends straight-out tell me they don't have time for me. OK, I get being busy. But why is it that *almost everyone* I'm interested in as a friend has no time for me? At least these people were honest. But it still hurts. They like me, but don't have time for me. So, they don't like me *enough.* Yes, they have gone through some rough times lately, but with one it was for over TWO years. Now, she's like, "Yay, I can read a book again!" And, I'm like, "How about making time for coffee with a friend?" (I didn't say this, I just felt like it.) The other woman told me she was too busy before having another kid who now has health problems, and her kids are in a bunch of activities. Being a friend is just not a priority. Again, at least *they* are honest.

But when person after person after person gives me the run-around or tells me they are too busy...it makes me think that in situations of regular socializing people like me well enough, but I'm just not friend material. For just about everyone.

Think of it this way: you have more time to compose your music.

And, perhaps, more time for yourself in general.

Nerdygirl, sent you a pm.

I can relate all too well. Eventually, this happened so much I just abandoned any hope of making friends at all. I really don't get it: I am honest, loyal, supportive and caring but nobody (even emotional vampires) wants anything to do with me. Doesn't sting nearly as much since I am getting married to a wonderful woman (and an equally wonderful family) but to say I am sick of it would be an understatement.

I'm not friends with anyone. But I know people are like that. When I got sick, I cut everyone out of my life because I couldn't deal with it. But I didn't really have friends either and I have no idea how to maintain a friendship, nor do I know if I have the capability.

But I'm generally excluded from things myself and have noticed this type of insincerity from people. I don't understand it either. Sorry

I know what you mean Nerdygirl and I have associated with plenty of people like that. I have very low tolerance to that kind of behavior. In fact it is a HOT button for me. There are times where I have spoken up about this kind of behavior to the person who is doing this. Because of my outspokenness, I have had one of get ugly with me in return. I would often let them know how upset I was for not being being a better friend in the form of an e-mail.

I often got:

"I just want to let you know that I don't appreciate this. You have no idea what I am going through and how busy I am because you are in your own little world. If you can't understand that I have problems them consider the friendship over."

I still say it's a ghosting, which is a conflict resolution method-- a poor one. That being said, if you're looking for the underlying cause to the ghosting it may be an NT/autistic thing. I think love is a completely different thing for NT's/Autistics. When an autistic loves something it becomes an almost single-minded obsession, when an NT loves something it's something they want to do, but are perfectly fine doing something else. So when an autistic asks a friend to do something it's probably something they're completely focused and passionate about, but for the NT it's just another activity. Even though they're both using the same passionate words to describe it, the NT is an NT and probably doesn't have the obsession level interest that the autistic does. Something more entertaining might have come up that they'd rather do, for most autistics this almost never happens: the activity they want to do consumes most of their focus, so other activities that may be pleasurable don't even register until the initial obsession is fulfilled.

Then again, perhaps there's no armchair psychology needed and you just happen to be surrounded by flakey people.

It could be bullcrap.

Or it could be true laziness.

I have a few friends whom I don't see because I'm just lazy. I just want to lie around and watch ballgames, rather than go out to parties.

Haha, you are so funny. I like how you just admit that you are lazy. That's one thing I do also that NTs don't seem to do. They seem to find it shocking when I tell the truth.

If I could just stay home and watch TV--go on YouTube--go on WP--Similar types of solitary things, I'm usually pretty content.

I don't the like PREPARATION required to go to a party, or even any sort of social gatherings. The only reason why I take a shower every day is because my eyes get stingy if I don't take a shower.

I'm find myself to be pretty friendly with people most of the time--but it doesn't mean I like to hang out with people much of the time.