Does anyone else do this?

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I'm curious if anyone else has this problem, or does something similar... I have a very difficult time really participating in online forums like this one. I always feel I don't belong and that everyone else is already well-acquainted except me. I also don't seem to really know how to interact in a group setting, the larger the group the worse it is-- the feeling that I don't belong and the anxiety of reaching out. I'm better at one-on-one, which is why the few times I've worked up the courage to join a forum, I might make a friend or two, then withdraw from the forum, itself. In worse cases, I withdraw before ever really meeting anyone.

It also feels stressful and a bit exhausting to make new acquaintances for me, it's like I have to start from nothing with someone and sometimes it's just too difficult for me. Another factor is that I feel as if it takes forever for me to write anything, so I tend to just lose the urge to even try. Despite having no real obligations, I'm terrible at managing my time and chores every day, and finding time for even the few online friends I've managed to make seems to be overwhelming quite often. By the way, I have no friends in real life and I hardly ever leave the house-- it's complicated. Due to various issues, including being a shut-in, I'm emotionally and socially much younger than my chronological age. I'm definitely not an adult, the mere idea that someone might think of me as one terrifies me beyond words. On the inside, I'm still very much a child and, fortunately for me, I believe I also look young for my age, particularly if I am correctly recognised as male (I'm trans)

My immaturity is yet another thing that causes me a lot of stress when interacting with others, even online with minimal personal information exchanged. I just feel like sooner or later they're going to notice how childish and weird I am and wonder why I'm not working or going out for fun, or living on my own, let alone making the sorts of choices that most 12-year-olds make.

I apologise for this disorganised post. That's generally how my train of thought goes, which is why talking and writing are exhausting for me. I feel like I have so many things I just 'need' to say, yet can't keep it organised and never seem to reach a point. Sometimes, it's like there's no point at all... but I still feel the need to say it all. And I'm sure it bores people. Especially the very few people I open up to.

Oh yes, I can relate, particularly the 'need' to say a lot of things... In writing, I just don't feel satisfied unless i've explained everything in detail. And writing is exhausting for me too, because i feel so otherworldly and different that I have to appear 'normal'.

I may be your antithesis - I'm a bit like a proverbial bull in a china shop when encountering topics that interest me, online or otherwise. I want to get right in there and find out everything, question everybody, without regard for people disliking that. At the risk of sounding like a recovery manual, I find much of that is acceptance. You're different. You don't belong. You're outside the established group. That's the way it is. But you can work from there, it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Maybe you're fresh blood.
And there can be exciting aspects of meeting new people. I don't have any friends either (online or in real life) but I'm working on it with a few recent acquaintances - I'm meeting with a new acquaintance today and I have been frankly shocked she wants anything to do with me. I expected her to see me once and run for her life as is the norm, but that hasn't happened. That interests me and I want to understand her social functioning that she can work with someone like me past one meeting.
I would hazard a guess that many autistics are socially / emotionally a bit delayed. I certainly have been so you're not the only one. What makes you think you're immature? Why would that put others off?
The shut-in phenomena is interesting - I certainly could not do that. I'm nomadic and sometimes, just being indoors panics me and I feel so trapped I have to get out. I'd be interested to know how that works for you.

Thanks for replying.

I think of myself as immature for several reasons.
--- My emotional coping skills and limited control of emotional impulses like anger.
--- My lack of social experience.
--- The fact I've spent most of my life in isolation and haven't done many of the things people my age take for granted. I have never had a job, I have never learnt to drive, I have never had a romantic relationship, or friends in real-life since I was about 8. On top of this, I've never gone anywhere by myself or with a friend, or done pretty much anything with others my own age. I've missed out on so many things normal in childhood and adolescence, thus I feel trapped somewhere between those stages.
--- An overall feeling of incompetence. I've had family doing things for me my entire life. I feel like I've never grown out of the 'let the grown-ups handle it, I'm just a kid' mentality. And in most cases I ignore everything that isn't a special interest. It's like I've got tunnel vision whenever I start to engage in an interest. I block out everything else. So I've got poor discipline and willpower and need someone to keep me on track.

As for how the shut-in thing works, well, it was never a choice. It came about because of my unusual family situation-- by the time I was around 9 or 10 my family had become increasingly reclusive and the situation kept me isolated. I was also home schooled from this point onwards, so had no opportunities to be away from family. Over the years, I developed DPD (dependent personality disorder) so now I have extreme difficulties with autonomous functioning and basically feel helpless to change any of this. It doesn't make it any easier that I live in a conservative rural area far from any decent mental/medical help and have limited transportation. It's a frustrating situation for many reasons. One of which, I can't receive any LGBT friendly help. So I'm in limbo, unable to even transition, which I suspect makes me even less confident and more self-loathing.

In truth, I despise being a shut-in, but I feel powerless to change that now. I'm an anxious person and feeling like the world's oldest child, plus being trans (and unable to transition) makes reality harder to face and it's easier for me to just hide away from the world and pursue my interests in peace and quiet.

Sorry to bore anyone with my issues.

The community here is a little different from most other forums. Wrongplanet has a number of useful sub-forums (like The Haven, NT-Aspie Hotline, games etc.), a pretty good moderation, you can quote others easily. Then its the people. There are a number of pretty extreme people who get taken more seriously than elsewhere. And there are a number of pretty nice people (some with bigger anger or anxiety problems in their past) who will try to calm others when they are getting too anxious or too upset.

I hope you will enjoy this forum and that posting here helps you with opening up. You should definitely find a lot of people here with similar backgrounds and the same problems: kid mentality, having missed out on "normal" experiences, reclusive family, difficulties with making friends or even just meeting people, obsessive interests.

I did not find your posts disorganized. It all makes perfectly sense together. Good also that you added the second post.

Little suggestion: Try to give your thread a more telling title. You might also later take out some topics and start some new threads. It is a big forum after all, and you know how aspies are with their special interests ...

Thanks. The forum here does seem nice. I'll try not to lurk too much. Also, I will try to make a clearer thread title next time. At first I had a better one, but somehow ended up stupidly settling on that vague one because I wasn't sure how many characters would be allowed.