"We're going to..." vs. "Do you want to...?"

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Ok, so I have asked a few people (friends, family) this question and most of them have said "it depends" in response to it, with little or no explanation of what it depends on! So I thought I might as well ask here

If your friends say that they are doing something, e.g. "We're going for lunch", is that essentially them asking for you to have lunch with them? This has caused me a few problems, especially in making new friends this academic year. I got a bit upset about not being invited certain places only to be told by my friends, when I asked them, that they had invited me. One of them showed me the message where he said I'd been invited and it just said "we're going to...". So, true to form, I responded with "Ok". He had, apparently, thought that I was saying that I didn't want to go.

Has anybody else had this problem? Does it depend (and, if so, on what)? And don't you think it would be easier if everyone could just be more direct?

Thanks

Yes, this can be very confusing for me sometimes. People can be very unclear about who they mean by "we" or "us", and it can be hard to judge whether an invitation is implied or not. Sometimes it is, other times not. I would love it if people would just say literally what they mean, it would make my life much easier!

The only thing you can really do in that situation is to confess that you're not sure whether it is an invitation - if you just make it clear that you would find the suggested activity enjoyable, people will often repeat the invitation in different words (for example "Great see you there, then." or "It's a shame there isn't room for you, maybe next time")

Sometimes, asking for clarification will make the other person feel a little uneasy. Sometimes they might be embarrassed to tell you that you are not invited (maybe they are not organising the event, so it's not their place to decide if you are welcome or not). In that case, I would simply say "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude by inviting myself, I just lost track of the conversation for a moment". Friends who are worth having would not hold a momentary slip up like that against you.

That sounds really confusing. I don't think I've had anybody do that; maybe it's a regional thing.

I tried to imagine situations where I would interpret "We're going to..." as an invitation, and the only thing I thought of is if I couldn't think of any other reason they'd be telling me where they're going. Also, I think if they specify a place (and time, if it's not right now), that makes it sound more invitation-y.

Examples:

At college, after a class gets out. It's lunchtime and everyone is obviously going on a lunch break at this time. A classmate-friend tells you "We're going to McDonald's." I think that'd be an invitation. It guess could also be a sort of goodbye (like, an explanation for why he is walking away).

Same as the above situation, but a friend-classmate who was in a different class sends you this info by text. Almost guaranteed to be an invitation.

You're at work, working. The company rules let everyone pick the time of their own lunch break, within reason. You might need to talk to certain coworkers about something, so it would be helpful to know when they are on their lunch break so you don't waste time looking for them. As some are walking out, one of them tells you, "We're going to lunch." This is probably not an invitation.

So guess step one is to ask yourself why someone is saying this to you. (That's probably step one for receiving a lot communication.) Those are probably only the easier examples, I can imagine some where it's more ambiguous.