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ratonlaveur
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: 25 Nov 2006
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Location: USA

27 Mar 2016, 3:00 am

So I started to get out of my hermit-ness and be proactive about making new friends in a new city. Haven't made a whole lot, but I find that with potential guy friends (I'm a guy) who I click with, I ask them for contact info and go "Hey, let's go have lunch some time," "Let's go hiking" or something like that, and sometimes they follow-up (new friend!) or not (whatever). I've been doing the same with potential female friends, but realized recently I may have been inadvertently showing romantic interest in them (based on their follow-up responses after hanging out), though I'm only interested in making friends with people. So is there a way to platonically initiate friendships with girls - like is there a way to make it clear I'm not trying to "pick them up?" I'm mostly meeting people in Meetups, hiking groups, and volunteering.



nurseangela
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27 Mar 2016, 3:43 am

I don't think so. If you're single and not gay, then they will think you're available. Guys don't usually seek out girls for just friendship.


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I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Anneliese
Tufted Titmouse
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27 Mar 2016, 2:22 pm

I am a female with a lot of male friends. Maybe tell them you are looking for more friends in you local area or something, rather than them taking it to mean you want a date. Some people will probably still assume you are hinting at a date, but never mind them and find some friends who understand you and want to meet up.



Chichikov
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27 Mar 2016, 7:22 pm

Seek to form friendships with women who have made it clear to you that they are already in relationships. You have to respect, however, that there are "rules" in the world and one of those rules is that men don't want to be friends with women unless they want to date, and many women will reject your advances purely based on that.



Esme
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 16 May 2015
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01 Apr 2016, 7:10 pm

It can work, but it depends entirely on the two people involved. I have made friends with other aspies who were male and it worked out because we were both very open and honest from the start about wanting friendship and nothing else. The relationship felt more 'innocent' like you would have between two young kids in school. There were clear barriers and we both knew we could trust one another not to misinterpret or assume anything. It's rare that I can do this with NT guys though. NT guys tend to ignore me if I say I only want to be friends and will get annoyed if we continue to hang out without eventual sex. So I'd advise you to find other aspies of the opposite sex to hang out with and to be very clear from the start about your intentions.