What's WRONG with me??

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(Recently I found out I'm autistic so I thought I could come here for advice...)

What's wrong with me? Everywhere I go, everyone doesn't like me, what the hell is WRONG with me? I wish I wasn't such a awkward and quiet girl but it's so hard talking to people I DON'T KNOW WHY!!

Ever since I was little and started my first day of school, all the kids would tease me and hate me because I didn't talk and I pee'd my pants alot. Throughout all of elementary school, I didn't have a single friend, everyone hated me and bullied me... it was the same thing in high school minus the bullying, everyone just didn't like me and every time I tried to talk to people, I would get called shady or weird

My mother hates that I'm autistic. She wishes I was a normal social butterfly girl. So my relationship with her isn't so good. I wish my autism didn't bother her so much...

Well I've been going to this college for 1 year and I made a group of friends... I was so happy to have finally made friends... but there was so much drama with them, alot of the guys liked me and everyone else called me a whore for that. I also got called shady and that I have bad vibes. I also got in a relationship with this guy I met there but it ended because his friends hated me (they think I'm shady) so because of that, our relationship ended. And now it's like he has something against me and everyone feels bad for him, everyone looks at me like I'm a monster that hurt him...

I don't do bad things... I don't do drugs or smoke or drink and I don't like to start drama... Ok so maybe I'm quiet and awkward and that puts people off but why does it have to be that way? Why are people so difficult? I have 2 friends in my life... they are dear to me and accept me for who I am... i dont know, maybe I shouldn't get so involved with people since this keeps happening. It hurts so bad and I've been having multiple meltdowns lately from the recent incident at college... Everyone at college sees that I'm alone now and they have this "Haha you deserve to be alone" attitude towards me...

I'm not mean or anything, I like to be nice and talk about common interests and life... but I am soft spoken and a little awkward... but I even got judged for that, so many people would say I'm a fake trying to act sweet

These days I feel SO worn out emotionally... this is the worst I've ever felt in my life emotionally speaking. I am 19 years old... will it get better when I get older?

What are you studying at college?

I'm asking because certain work environments contain those types of people a lot more than others.
If you go to some regular job it will just be the same situation all over again.

So first thing, it is hard for most people to talk to strangers

Second, there is nothing wrong with having autism.

Third, in my experience things get better with practice. So your social skills will get better with practice.

Fourthly, don't let whst others think of you affect you too much. Yes, it is importqnt for communication and such, but really only so far as a feedback mechanism for learning what is and is not socially acceptable behaviour. If you spend to much time thinking or caring about what others think abiut you, it can cause you nothing but stress and hurt you in the long run. As they say, you can't please everyone

What you're going through is very normal. You're not the bad guy in all this, but the weasels who are calling you "shady" (whatever that means).

You might not know this but Madonna apparently went through the exact same thing as you. She dealt with it by being even more of an individual, dressing outrageously and showing people she didn't give a f*** what they thought.

You just have to tell yourself that it doesn't matter what people think of you. It's not their opinion of you that matters, it's your opinion of you. In ten years, nobody's gonna care. So do your thing and avoid the a$$holes because they're not worth your time or concern.

Your story hits home for me in some ways. I too was alone and bullied throughout elementary school. Hung around toxic 'friends' simply because nobody else wanted me. Was emotionally and physically scarred from some of these so-called friendships. High school wasn't much better - less bullying but still, too awkward and quiet for anyone to ever befriend. I'm also not naturally pretty or fashionable, so peers never flocked around me like 'cute' shy girls I knew.
I also have dysthymia and generalized anxiety on top of autism... it sucks.

I have struggled with low self-esteem for most of my life, so unlike other aspies I can't really bond over my special interests or stereotypical girly things (gossip, makeup, boys) ... I'm genuinely disillusioned and, at times, disgusted by other people and seem to try avoiding social interaction more of the time now.

Mother issues? Where do I start lol ... my mother would trade me off in a heartbeat, loves comparing me to these other NT non-depressed girls my age who wake up at six a.m. daily, jog and diet and wear perfect makeup and have nice hair and smiles etc. .... I literally would pass more as a male than a female... too plain and lethargic to be female... I ask myself every day what is wrong with me. It can be the hardest thing ever to be positive about myself, my disability and ultimately my life as a whole.

Everyone has their own issues, and believe me - you aren't alone in yours.

Cardia, what you said rings true also with me. The comparison thing is seriously gratingly just wrong. Nobody should be compared to anyone else but our parents do it because of their desire to see us be better than other people's kids (or at least on a par). It's a pity they can't see our latent potential. Maybe we should point out to them people like Susan Boyle who also has Asperger's and yet look at her now. I'm sure she was compared unfavourably to other women in earlier years. It's so frustrating because what a person is today they will not be tomorrow.

What's wrong with you? What's WRONG with you? I'll tell you what's wrong with you!

There isn't anything wrong with you but rather what's wrong with them. It sounds like none of those people understand or want to understand. As for these girls calling you names like that, they sound insecure and envious because you are quiet and it bothers them.So they dogged you because they knew how to push your buttons. Guys like girls who are more docile and that's why they liked you. Regarding for your ex he sounds like drama next to being self centered because relationships are meant to be about putting you first over his friends. At the same time he may still be looking for the right one and he's still young as well.

As for feeling lonely, have you thought about seeing a counselor on campus? I am sure they have services.

Colleges also often have clubs with special interests and you might consider joining some of them where you meet otherr who are like minded. Also if you have any talents you can start by showing those off. Example, sharing your artwork with the people who think you are weird. You can show off your school projects because these can get you places like a job.They might even has a support group for people with autism as most colleges often do.

Autism resources-

If you want a really good person to listen to Jennifer Cook O'toole has Asperger's too and she is an entrepreneur of a great line called "Asperkids,' she has lots of great books and other resources to buy. She also has a podcast called "Speaking Geek" where she talks about facing similar issues you are facing. You can find her on Youtube and podcast. I met Jennifer at an Asperger's Conference and I was impressed with her ability to relate and help other women. She and I hit it off as well and I think you might like her.

It sound like you might look to working on your social skills.
If you want to work on social skills you have Daniel Wendler "Improve your social skill.com" or "Asperger Experts." It sounds like you could work on your social skills. All of them have Asperger's as well.

DJ Svoboda is an artist and public speaker who also has AS and he speaks out against bullying.

Also you could start looking up some information on Asperger's Syndrome and give it to these groups of people who have been nasty to you in college as well as begin educating your family.

I just wanted to thank everyone who responded and gave me advice. This past year has been stressful and the day I posted this was the moment I had a meltdown and truly felt like dying. Really, I have never fell as low as I did recently...

There's a part to my story I never posted and it's how my step father got diagnosed with cancer last year and I had less time for college for a few months to take care of him. When I came back recently there were rumors saying I lied about my father having cancer and I was actually cheating on my ex behind his back. My ex also messaged me that I lost something good and showed me pictures of people saying bad things about me in a group chat with him, saying I'm an ungrateful girl and I put my ex through hell. And then they made a facebook status about me saying this generation of girls is all about "ME ME ME" etc... That made me depressed because the people who said that about me were people I thought were my friends.

Another reason why I dumped my ex is because he was a bit pushy for sex when we dated and I am sensitive to that because I am a rape victim. I was bullied back in high school for getting raped so this issue felt familiar and triggered bad habits and feelings in me...

My timeline is not all that great... I've also been abused in my childhood by my previous step father but when I turned 10, my mom got remarried to a man that gave us a better life today. And a lot more things happened down the road from there... as a result I struggle with severe depression here and there but I'm determined to stand strong and strive for happiness. I want to be strong for my mother because I'm all she has left.

Well things aren't too bad, recently I found my true friends... I am an only child and I thought all I really have now is my mom. Well, I have a group of 4 friends outside of college that I haven't seen for a long time because we've all been busy. I've known them since 2012 and recently they reached out to me and told me I have a family in them and they want to be there for me. Last night they made a little surprise get together party to help me feel better, it was really touching and made me cry. I'm really grateful to have them in my life and I'm determined to do the same for them in their time of need.

Oh and in case anyone was wondering, I am 19 years old... I have much more years ahead to strive for the light don't I? So now I want to be strong no matter what. No more backing out on life... I'm going to work hard to have a better spirit.

That is what I thought your profile said was that you were 19 which is an age for you to grow as a person. Besides it sounds like working on yourself is key while not looking at dating guys and choosing the wrong friends.

Your friends out of college are what count and you are very blessed to have them but believe me if you get involved in some of the special interest clubs then I am sure you will start meeting people there. I am in my 30's but I am still in undergrad enjoying the clubs and all the other perks like the gym.

As for your ex boyfriend he sounds very immature, self centered and controlling. The worst part is that he did respect you and especially when you are reaching out to your step father? Hello. If he were the right one then he would have been there for you and your step father.

Also I have had plenty of people share a strong dislike for me and treat me poorly on quite a few times. Like you they spread some pretty nasty things about me that were not true. I also had them make fun of the way I did things and the types of foods I liked to make.

Being only 22 i can't give much advice. I went through a similar situation being lonely and feeling my entire school hated me when i was in elementary and middle school. But take it from me, don't ever consider acting how they think you do. I did adopt a public personality based on how my classmates thought of me, even going so far as using the rumors that went around about me after transferring to another school for 2 and 1/2 years to my advantage. While it get them to leave me alone for the most part and i was able to make friends. When I graduated 4 years ago after using that personality for almost 10 years i couldn't even tell which personality was really me. I still can't tell if I'm really the kind, friendly, trusting, positive kid i used to be. Or if I was always the sarcastic smartass jerk i am now. Stay true to who you are, i had a point in my life where i felt like ending it during 7th grade. That changed when a friend hung himself a year later during the summer before freshman year and I swore i'd never consider it again no matter how bad things got. I refused to put anyone else through what his friends and family went through (myself included). That day i also swore I would never let anyone feel so alone, ignored, and disliked that they would consider it either, if I could do anything to change it. Nothing is wrong with you, those people are what's wrong. In high school I also had a classmate who was raped, and I used my bad reputation from middle school to my advantage as i stood up for her. The entire school district knew my name either by rumors or stories regarding my meltdowns, suspensions, or my near 4 year absence prior to Junior year, so I had a lot I could use to intimidate the would-be bullies into backing down. Eventually i became sort of an anti-bully, and started trolling the bullies when they tried to start something in my vicinity. Wasn't a perfect solution but it worked for me. I wish I could go back to the person I was before my classmates changed me into who I am now, but to be honest I actually believe I'd be worse off than I am now if I did. Don't do what I did, be true to your real personality, and never let anyone change who you are. The best advice i can give is listen to the lyrics of The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, truer words or better advice for school students will never be spoken.