Can mentioning your diagnosis help you with friends?

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I was diagnosed with Asperger's a few years ago but did not fully accept the diagnosis. Some things have come up recently that have forced me to reconsider it.

When I was in school including college I always had 1-2 "weirdo" friends and we were inseparable. Ever since I graduated from college I have struggled a lot. In the past I struggled more with maintaining friendships. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what was going on there. I think I had a lot of toxic friendships with people who would blame me for everything, and made me feel like I was difficult and overemotional. But these people were treating me really badly. I was able to differentiate from friends that were pretty intentionally and inexcusably sh***y and those that were careless and clueless. I was sort of able to maintain friendships with the ones who would be careless but it was still a bit of a struggle and most of the friends fell into the "toxic" category instead of the "careless" one. I have some black and white thinking so when someone is cruel to me it's hard for me to get over it, but I am more forgiving if it's an accident and we can talk about it.

These days I am having trouble even making friends. Unlike some Aspies I don't suffer too much from problmes with emotional intelligence. I can sense if someone is uncomfortable and carry a conversation in the right direction. Not perfect but I don't think my issues are bad enough for most people to pick up on socially. However it's draining for me to do so. I am putting myself out there and will meet people one on one only to never hear from them again, even people I feel like I have a good connection with.

Most recently I was told to not return to a Meetup.com group because I "took the fun out of everything" by asking too many questions and being too literal. I wasn't given the chance to try to control the behavior, which was really sad for me. I thought for a moment that I could tell them to please give me a chance and that I had an Asperger's diagnosis, but I was very ashamed and accepted that they didn't want me in the group.

I guess I am still dealing with my diagnosis. Do you think it would help or hurt by being upfront with people about the diagnosis? Like I said my symptoms come out in a more subtle way, probably seen more as obnoxious/pedantic than being rude or blunt, which most people don't associate with Aspergers.

The one thing you should avoid is using the diagnosis as a crutch, I know some people who their diagnosis as an excuse for their behaviour, whether its introverted-ness, Asperger's or a personality disorder.

Sure it can help when people you see alot or are close to you know about the diagnosis, like family, flatmates or close friends. But telling people straight out the gate may be a little too forward, and can influence how they interact with you. Which means your feedback from them, that you can use to modify your behaviour and learn social skills, is influenced and thus not as effective. It is not going to be easy, but things that are treasured, are rarely easy to obtain.

I kept my diagnosis a secret from everybody for a long time, the only people who knew where my family, my teachers and my psychologist.

Aside from a some family members, and a couple of friends I have known for decades, I mention my diagnosis only if the situation requires an explanation, my autistic traits really are the cause of the specific situation, and there isn't a less specific way to describe why I'm having a problem. For example, in a noisy environment, I would usually just say that "I'm one of those people that has trouble picking out voices.", without ever mentioning autism at all.

The trouble is that even the most kind-hearted people, who have nothing but good intentions, can still have so many false beliefs about what autism is and how autistic people want to be treated. This makes it very difficult to predict how people will react, and can lead them behave in ways that aren't helpful, even if they're doing those thing to try and show that they care. Worse of all, you won't know which "untruths" they believe until they have already acted upon them - so you can't identify and correct their beliefs until their inappropriate reactions are explicitly shown to you.

I'm not trying to suggest that you never disclose to friends - it definitely can help sometimes to tell people. But think carefully before you do, and try to do it in a situation where you will get the chance to describe your autistic traits in detail, and be listened to, for as long as it takes to be sure that the other person has really understood.

I generally only tell people that I have autism if they are a close friend. I also definitely plan on telling anyone I date for a while because that's definitely something that they would need to know. Other the that though I rarely mention it.

Personally I don't think you should disclose your diagnosis because I don't think it helps - in so many levels. It's the other way around, you'll pass as the "fool of the village" in many occasions, know what I mean? You'll hear things from people like "don't mind him please, he's just a ret*d kid and really doesn't mean it".

People will never take you seriously any more because you're just "that sorry bampot who's not right in the head". Some ill-intentioned even could end up taking advantage of you.

Plus, don't try to define your whole life around your diagnosis. It's like lorkaan says: people shouldn't use that as a crutch.

I can agree with the third person said, and that's disclosing that you have autism with a close friend/friends. But what exactly defines a close friend? Well a close friend is someone who recognizes you for who you are, and vice -versa. Another thing that defines a close friend, is someone that you can trust on an emotional and personal level, and vice-versa. That said, I would probably tell a close friend of my autism, if I'm personally comfortable with it. Lastly it's not the quantity of friends that count, but the quality of the friendship that counts.

Telling people may help sometimes and will also be a chance for them to learn a bit about condition. However, if you see you don't get on with someone at all due to your way of processing information. You won't suddenly become more socially desirable when they find out about your Asperger.

Talking about that meet up, they don't understand and appreciate your way of enjoying social occasion; you don't understand theirs. If they know about your autism they'd hopefully be more understanding (I want to be optimistic) but it won't make them enjoy your company, and that's why they are meeting up, to enjoy spending time with other people. You wanted to ask for another chance, but what for? To pretend to be someone who you are not? That is apparently what causing so much stress and emotional turmoil in autistic females lifes so don't.

I was suggested during my assessment to try and connect with people on intellectual level instead, which is bed done with other autistic, they would like being asked questions look for a group for autistic people in your area, you'd have a chance of being yourself there.