Need advice, please!

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I don't know where to begin. "Retirement home" in this case means personally independent (grooming, cooking, mobile) but they don't supply food or nurses or meds. And it's really a nice place. But of course I'm having trouble. I'll spare you the early days. It's a year since I moved in.

Here's my crisis: I just realized that the food on the long tables in the room where we have Friday Coffee Klatch is not for eating. I have PTSD as well as autism so I'm pretty much a wreck but that's why I moved here. These people are very kind, mostly, I'm very hysterical, mostly.

Okay, the food. I arrive in a panic and stay in a panic. This is one activity I have sworn to stay with so I won't die alone. Food soothes me. Also (and this I think is autistic) I thought we were supposed to eat the food. No, it's a genteel hour where everyone is welcome to nibble one cookie and meet one's neighbours. I remember being a small child and sitting next to Mom at a table full of food; we weren't allowed eating that either. But maybe Mom never explained Why. So there's me, wolfing everything down, thinking if they didn't already eat it they don't want it. Wrong! They're passing each other plates of cookies over my head, or behind my back, and I'm reaching and they do a pirouette to get away from me. And do I twig? Nope.

Last week, I arrived with 3 fairly new root canals and with my eating skills diminished. I was starved and stoned on painkillers. Anyway I ate everything, even the Arrowroots.

Today, I have run out of money entirely. I have no coins, no bills. And no food. Payday is 5 days away. And this morning there was food on the table. Need I go on?

A woman sat beside me and loudly told a joke; punchline: "She ate 8 cakes and said 'Oh, I couldn't have another, I have to save room for ice cream.'" And her friends, who had also moved to sit near me, laughed uproariously. She did that 3 times and they laughed 3 times. And I didn't realize the joke was about me!

It came to me tonight - you're not supposed to eat, it's not breakfast, it's one of those things where food is mostly for decoration.

Humiliated? Oh, yeah. But worse, this is not the only thing I'm going to screw up.

Advice, anybody? Please?

Yeah....I've done this sort of thing before. And have been embarrassed for it.

Just don't eat so many cookies/so much food next time.....

or wait until it's evident nobody else wants food. Then it'll get to the point where the hosts don't want to waste the food. At this point, they'd love you to make their job easier by you eating the remaining food.

Tomorrow is Coffee Klatch D-Day. I'm going to try to reinstate myself as a polite adult at the Coffee Klatch. I bought mini-muffins to bring and I will eat one. I will have one small black coffee (and refrain from making faces). I've had a really good haircut and got my eyebrows trimmed. I have a nice outfit (NT approved) to wear.

And I'm terrified. I've been sitting here sweating like a pig trying to pass the time. I will be sweating at the Coffee Klatch too. That woman that led the song against me - she threw me out of the SingAlong, what if she throws me out of the Coffee Klatch?

See, this is my childhood repeated. I got thrown out of everything. I had no friends. And this is where I get to reverse all that. I'm going to live happily with friends. That was the whole point of moving to this place.

And it could could all bite the dust tomorrow morning. The rest of my life is at stake here.

All went well. I am restored. My thanks to anybody who read this thread.

Do you like that group of people, Claradoon? From what you've said, I don't think I'd enjoy socializing with those ladies... Are there any other people around the place you could talk to? Perhaps people that have been shunned already?
I struggle to hold up my 'social act' for long and as a result I'm quite isolated. I prefer to be alone than to feel out of place and disconnected. Out of all the people I've met, I've come across some that are similar to me and I consider these to be my friends. I still struggle though and it's an awful feeling to feel rejected or as if something's wrong with you. I felt that way last night when I tried to socialize with new people. I'm pretty sure I failed. It didn't end well.

These are very nice ladies, with the exception of one. This is my retirement home; I chose it and aside from April it's going well. I'm learning enough NT stuff to get me a life worth living - I'm no longer suicidal. I see it all as learning, which is how I figured out what caused the trouble and how to fix it. And I am triumphant about having controlled it.

I take your point but I don't think I described the problem well enough.

Ah ok, I understand better now. I'm pleased to read that it's working out for you and hope it keeps going well