Uncomfortable

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Hi. I moved out of state a little under a year ago.

I have a friend who sent me a message that read "walks aren't the same without you".

I, personally, have been taking walks and contemplating life/etc all throughout my life and as an only child.

I love my alone time and I feel that I am my own best friend.

This friend said that to me and I was immediately uncomfortable. I felt as if he was looking to me for some kind of reassurance. I also felt like he was clinging to the past instead of just looking forward to the future.

So, I recommended that he try to spend more time alone to get to know himself better and to make a friend out of himself.

He blew up and started swearing at me saying that I lack empathy, blah, blah, blah.

I am a person (and I explained to him) who understands that through pain there are lessons. I have conquered my own fear of death and of heights on more than one occasion.

I want that for him. So, that's why I said what I said.

I just feel like I shouldn't have to hear his sadness or be affected by it.
If something is not in the present, then thinking about it can only bring negative feelings.
I feel that he is selfish for trying to bring negative emotions up.

I am the one who moved afterall.

I do not need someone to make me feel 'wanted' either. It just makes me uncomfortable.

Anyone know what I'm talking about?

I understand about feeling uncomfortable when someone brings up the past, even if the memories are good ones. I'm not sure what the context was for your recommendations about learning to be comfortable by yourself though.

My first reaction to your friend's out-of-the-blue comment about how walks aren't the same anymore was feeling that was sweet. Could your friend intended to compliment you and share fond memories? I understand this isn't how you felt. I'm wondering though if that's what your friend intended.

Do you think it would be helpful to apologize, in case your comments about being alone were taken as an insult? I imagine that if I were your friend, I also would appreciate if, after the apology, you explained that you miss me too and that you feel sad when you think about the old days. If this isn't true, then maybe just explaining that you've found a lot of comfort in solitude and wanted your friend to feel that also, since you can't take your walks anymore?

Wow, Torstin,

I wish I had a friend who missed me
enough to send me a text message
showing me that he or she cared
and that he or she was thinking of me
even when I wasn't around.

To my mind, your friend was not being selfish at all ...
just trying to communicate to you
how much you were valued ...
and still are valued,
enough to keep in touch with.

Your friend was being a good friend.

Like I said,
I wish I had a person like that in my life.

I hope the two of you can work things out
and stay friends.

You sound a lot like me in a lot of ways and I have a few things to say about that.

On one hand it means that you are sure of yourself and therefore are comfortable. So it doesn't bother you that you are alone. Believe me I know what that feels like. I used to be more like your friend but I like it now.

On the other you have a friend who doesn't feel that way yet and is probably lonely and sad that you are gone. A few things to say when he says that he misses you would be.

1. "I miss you too and I am still willing to stay in touch with you and you can contact me anytime."
2. The reason why he yelled at you was because he felt like his needs were not being met. It sounds like he is in a different place in his life where he feels like he has to be around others to feel comfortable. So it might be a good idea to apologize and explain your situation in a more gentle manner without criticizing his lifestyle.
Now if he is being clingy and controlling, that is another story.