I think I accidentally found out about a surprise party

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Dwarvyn
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03 Jun 2016, 6:21 am

I was sitting at my computer when I happened to see a line from my husband's email out of the corner of my eye that I'm pretty sure included the line "[Dwarvyn]'s 30th birthday party". I'm pretty sure it wasn't just a 'what does she want for her birthday' email, since

    [1] He didn't mention anything about it and seemed to close it quickly after he'd opened it.
    [2] I didn't get the same email.
    [3] From what I saw from my quick look, it looked more like a formal invitation (with formatting and everything) rather than just a quick conversation email.
    [4] I've mentioned my birthday a couple of times since then, and he hasn't mentioned anything about the email.

The internet seems to think I should play along, as do the people I've polled at work, but I can't stop thinking about it - that now I've ruined the surprise - and it's getting to me.

I'm also not entirely sure I want one. I mean, I've always kind of wanted someone to like me enough to want to do something like that for me, but I don't know that I actually would want a whole surprise party. It helps that it would probably just be family (since I don't really have anyone I'd call a 'friend'), but even then...

Should I mention something to my husband? My mother (almost definitely the one who'd be setting it up)? No one?

My birthday's next weekend so I have more than a week left, and I do have a therapist appointment on Tuesday so I can ask her opinion, but I'm kind of floundering here trying to figure out what to do and any advice at all would be helpful.



Fnord
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03 Jun 2016, 6:43 am

Say nothing and act surprised when the time comes. Surprise parties are as much about everyone else having fun surprising you as they are about you having fun being surprised. Don't spoil their fun.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Jun 2016, 9:36 am

Don't mention it to anyone.

Like Fnord said, just act surprised.



the_phoenix
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03 Jun 2016, 5:30 pm

Lucky you!
Act surprised,
have fun,
and enjoy the party!

Happy Birthday! :)



Dwarvyn
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05 Jun 2016, 6:19 am

Thank you for the replies.

I think the reason this is getting to me is because usually I talk through these things with my husband, but given the nature of the situation, he's one of the people I can't talk to about it, and I'm getting worked up.



0_equals_true
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05 Jun 2016, 6:34 am

If you don't like surprises, you know it is going to happen now.

What is making you worry? The social side, or the fact you are pretending you don't know and keeping that secret?

If you usually talk to your husband, that show you are cooperative, but not everything has to be discussed 100% of the time.

It is fine to tell them you knew all along after. You could tell them now, but they like the idea they are surprising you, it is a nice gesture on their part. If you really don't think you could do a surprise party that is one thing, if you could do it you might enjoy it, and they would certainly enjoy it.

The whole convention of birthday parties, isn't solely for the birthday girl or boy. It is for general reciprocation and enjoyment.

Personally I like small gestures. I don't need something big. However I can understand for major markers people like to do this.



Dwarvyn
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06 Jun 2016, 6:03 am

0_equals_true wrote:
What is making you worry? The social side, or the fact you are pretending you don't know and keeping that secret?


This is one of the things I've been trying to figure out myself. I don't know why it's getting me upset, and that's also getting me upset. So far, I think it's a combination of things.

I think that one of the things I'm worried about is that they'll be able to tell that I wasn't surprised, and then find out how long I knew, and then get mad that I didn't say anything when I found out so that they didn't have to go through so much trouble.

I think I may also feel like I don't really deserve someone to put in so much thought and effort for me.

Neither of those feel entirely right, but it does feel like they cover at least part of what I'm experiencing.