How do you "act" around people in work situations?

Page 1 of 2 [ 25 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Dreamsea
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 1 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 155
Location: Under the sea

27 May 2016, 2:58 pm

I'm an easy target for bullying and I'm unable to determine what I'm doing wrong. Even when I think I'm "acting" good I still eventually find out that I'm not. I'm feeling very frustrated with this.

I'm ready to go on disability. I'm such a dumbass.



Dreamsea
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 1 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 155
Location: Under the sea

27 May 2016, 3:00 pm

Why do stupid f***s at these jobs keep telling me what others are saying about me? That's so stupid!! !! How do I get them to stop??? Argh!! !! What the f**k am I supposed to do?

I'm a complete social failure. I'm in my damn 30s and still don't get it. To hell with getting wiser with age. I hate all of this s**t.



underwater
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Sep 2015
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,904
Location: Hibernating

27 May 2016, 3:06 pm

I'm sorry you're having a bad time. It all sounds horribly familiar.

I've only found two solutions;

1. Have a job that keeps you so busy you can't actually talk to anyone. If you work part time you can skip the lunch break.

2. Have your own office and limited interaction with colleagues.

You're a nurse, right? Would a busy hospital job be of any use, or too much for the sensory stuff?


_________________
I sometimes leave conversations and return after a long time. I am sorry about it, but I need a lot of time to think about it when I am not sure how I feel.


Darmok
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Dec 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,030
Location: New England

27 May 2016, 3:20 pm

Dreamsea wrote:
Why do stupid f***s at these jobs keep telling me what others are saying about me?


That's a technique some people use to control or manipulate you. One version is for them to say, "I think you're doing a good job, but the boss is always saying bad things about you." Sociopaths will use this strategy to manipulate people into cooperating with them. ("We better stick together and hide this, or else the boss will fire you -- he's always talking about how he wants to get rid of you.") What they are telling you may well be completely made up, entirely for the purpose of manipulation.


_________________
 
There Are Four Lights!


Dreamsea
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 1 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 155
Location: Under the sea

27 May 2016, 3:32 pm

underwater wrote:
I'm sorry you're having a bad time. It all sounds horribly familiar.

I've only found two solutions;

1. Have a job that keeps you so busy you can't actually talk to anyone. If you work part time you can skip the lunch break.

2. Have your own office and limited interaction with colleagues.

You're a nurse, right? Would a busy hospital job be of any use, or too much for the sensory stuff?


Yes, I don't like social stuff. I am very busy at this job. I still have a**holes approaching me telling me stupid stuff that they think of me--- all negative of course .

I'm a nurse and I'd like to get out of this field. I only work 2 days a week and am close to getting fired from this job. I need to call this job back and tell them whether I'm working this weekend but I don't want to. I hate all of this. Damn.

Would it be okay if I put myself down in front of them? Like make "jokes" about myself? I agree, I am a dumb, worthless, ugly piece of trash. Can I tell them this? Can I "joke" about myself to my colleagues? I'm so f*****g slow. I've already had a few mini break downs at work.



Dreamsea
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 1 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 155
Location: Under the sea

27 May 2016, 3:37 pm

I feel like just yelling, "Shut the f**k up and leave me alone!"

I'm starting to feel apprehensive about going to work and I only go twice a week. I'd like to cut down to just a few days a month.

This is the 4th job I've failed at. This social stuff matters more than the actual work.



underwater
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Sep 2015
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,904
Location: Hibernating

27 May 2016, 3:44 pm

Darmok wrote:
Dreamsea wrote:
Why do stupid f***s at these jobs keep telling me what others are saying about me?


That's a technique some people use to control or manipulate you. One version is for them to say, "I think you're doing a good job, but the boss is always saying bad things about you." Sociopaths will use this strategy to manipulate people into cooperating with them. ("We better stick together and hide this, or else the boss will fire you -- he's always talking about how he wants to get rid of you.") What they are telling you may well be completely made up, entirely for the purpose of manipulation.


I second this. You need to ask yourself why this person is telling you what others are saying, and whether it is even true. Most people would not tell the object of gossip what's being said. Possible answers could be creating a wedge between you and co-workers, making friends and getting you to do part of their job, etc.


_________________
I sometimes leave conversations and return after a long time. I am sorry about it, but I need a lot of time to think about it when I am not sure how I feel.


E V Tooms
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 16 Oct 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 22

27 May 2016, 4:00 pm

The approach I've had a degree of success with is cultivating a persona of being pleasant but distant. I deflect questions about myself or answer them in a generic and superficial way and shift the conversation to the other person. Having learnt this approach, I find my mistakes are usually work-related (due to slow processing and tiredness) and thus passed over.



Dreamsea
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 1 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 155
Location: Under the sea

27 May 2016, 4:11 pm

Thank you for the advice everyone. Wish there was a "like" button.



Dreamsea
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 1 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 155
Location: Under the sea

27 May 2016, 4:16 pm

Is it okay to make fun of myself in front of others? I'm upset with myself, too.



E V Tooms
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 16 Oct 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 22

27 May 2016, 4:24 pm

I wouldn't use NT solutions and expect the same results unless you are confident in your ability to read social situations well. My experience is that making fun of yourself can go wrong and make you more vulnerable by drawing attention to your limitations. I find it's best to accept them and plan accordingly.



Dreamsea
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 1 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 155
Location: Under the sea

27 May 2016, 4:31 pm

E V Tooms wrote:
I wouldn't use NT solutions and expect the same results unless you are confident in your ability to read social situations well. My experience is that making fun of yourself can go wrong and make you more vulnerable by drawing attention to your limitations. I find it's best to accept them and plan accordingly.


Thank you.



E V Tooms
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 16 Oct 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 22

27 May 2016, 4:36 pm

You are welcome, and remember that we all feel like social failures. I cringe over my many mistakes every day. Not so much as I used to due to the passage of time.



slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

28 May 2016, 12:59 am

Maybe just try to keep your distance from them so that they don't have much information to use against you.

Darmok wrote:
Dreamsea wrote:
Why do stupid f***s at these jobs keep telling me what others are saying about me?


That's a technique some people use to control or manipulate you. One version is for them to say, "I think you're doing a good job, but the boss is always saying bad things about you." Sociopaths will use this strategy to manipulate people into cooperating with them. ("We better stick together and hide this, or else the boss will fire you -- he's always talking about how he wants to get rid of you.") What they are telling you may well be completely made up, entirely for the purpose of manipulation.


How would you respond in those kinds of situations?



AJisHere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2015
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,135
Location: Washington state

28 May 2016, 1:54 am

slw1990 wrote:
How would you respond in those kinds of situations?


Maybe ask other, less obnoxious coworkers if they've heard anything about that. If they haven't the person is lying, if they have you sit down with your boss and ask how he/she feels about your performance. Not accusatory or demanding, just "how do you feel about my work recently?". That will let you know what areas to work on.


_________________
Yes, I have autism. No, it isn't "part of me". Yes, I hate my autism. No, I don't hate myself.


HighLlama
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2015
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,017

28 May 2016, 2:14 am

Dreamsea wrote:
Is it okay to make fun of myself in front of others? I'm upset with myself, too.


If you genuinely mean it in good fun and not to belittle yourself, that can be fine. I've found that my humor can tend to over-compensate, so sometimes when I mean to be self-deprecating at work I think others think I'm being really mean about myself. They seem unsure how to respond.