A very loooonng post of my life story

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*prepare for a very long post*

So, in elementary school, I was bullied a lot, but not that badly. Mommy said it was because I'm a pretty girl and the boys all had crushes on me. (I don't know about that....) but I was loyal to the boyfriend I had. I was a big crybaby, and my only friend was my boyfriend, and a few other girls, who were the popular girls. back then, I had never heard of pokemon, OR Aspergers, and I wanted to move to NYC to be a fashion designer. So I was thrilled that I was friends with the girls who were as cool as you can get in elementary, but for some reason I felt a little disconnected from them. There was one girl who was the dictionary definition of a redneck country girl for some reason she was in the popular group. she came to school wearing a shirt that said "Forget the crown, this princess wears camo hunting boots". I was confused. at the time I had no idea what hunting was and she explained it to me. I felt horrible, since at the time (this is the 1st grade) I had two cats and one dog and loved animals. my teacher thought I wasn't right, so she paired me with this same girl, made me be friends with her, to get me to be just like her. I felt bad, so I tried my best to be just like her. she had short, straight hair, and blue eyes. I liked my long curly hair, but that wasn't what she had. I started literally chewing my hair off and talked myself into hating my eyes (witch are brown). I hate camo with a passion to this day though, so I couldn't bring myself to do that.

my hair grew back, and I was just as girly as much of a girly girl as ever. I was STILL with my boyfriend, and people wanted me to break up with him, witch I wouldn't do to save the world. I was in the fourth grade, and our school was really screwed up, and there was too many kids and not enough classrooms, so I would have to go to middle school early. the whole fourth grade took a field trip to the middle school we would go to, and I thought it was so cool! on the first day, though, I had a meltdown. I was crying uncontrollably, (so much for getting rid of that crybaby reputation!) I dropped a really heavy book on my toe, and my locker was unopenable. after that day, the bullying got 100x worse. the kid that had the locker under mine would move the door to where I would bump my head on it on my way up from picking my stiff off of the ground. I had some expensive decorations in there, but with crappy magnets so whenever I hit my head they would all fall. my mommy would give me 2 weeks worth of lunch money, but I never ate lunch because I would buy lunch for little miss redneck. I also thought I was too tall because her head only came to my shoulders, and she was older than me!

Immagine an aspie trying to act like a popular girl, an it actually working!... sort of. I was one of them, but I was just used. when I went to the sixth grade, so many oppurtinites opened up! I joined the band to play the flute, ( I sucked) my band teacher hid my book before a recital, and my daddy had to go and buy a new one. my old one showed up 5 minites befor we had to go onstage, he just laughed. I couldn't cry because I was wearng makeup and I didn't have time. I wasn't sad for that long, because I found out how much I loved to preform! sure I sucked, but getting to see my idol, an eighth grader who was my boyfriends older sister play a few rows behind me was sutch a thrill! I went to the Christmas dance, in my most stylish dress, and was "the belle of the ball" as my dad put it.my boyfriend told me he loved me and we had our first kiss, after five years!

I never went to school after that. winter break started, and I started to let loose. my ainxiety was bareley there, and when it started to draw to a close, it was back. my mommy had had it, and decided to take me out of school. I cried when I thought I would never see my boyfriend again, so he just couldn't handle that. she begged his mom to go to our church, and that's what she did. that happened for a year or so, and that's when I heard about pokemon. he showed off his DS, and I wanted one so bad, but until then, all I could do was watch the anime. (BTW I ship amourshipping!)I saw the episode about Penelope and her Sylveon, and I knew I had to have one. My boyfriend finnally broke up with me, after two years! I was crushed emotionally. my counselor said that I had aspergers, but my psychiatrist said that it was nothing more than ainxiety and depression. I had an unbearable amount of depression, but on chistmas I got my own green and white 2ds with pokemon X. I played the game nonstop until I got a girl eevee, and I named it anna. I didn't know what I did, but she evolved into sylveon! I eventually found out why she evolved, but I still kept playing on pokemon amie with her. she saved me from the darkest time in my life so far, and my mommy took it even further when she bought me a sylveon plushie. now I had a physical Anna! I was put into another bout of depression when my cousin (she has Borderline) stole my pokemon x. no more battles, no more PV videos, and no more pokemon amie. January this year, mom bought another x for me, and I got another sylveon and named it anna. who I still have today. That's why Sylveon will always be my favorite pokemon.

I'm still depressed, though. I'm pretty childish, for 13 going on 14. I used to want to me a new York fashion designer, and now I wanna be a pokemon youtuber or a twitch streamer. I have no friends other than my two cats and one sugar glider, Anna, or my other pokemon or stuffed animals, or my friends here. I don't have any brothers or sisters, and I hardly ever get to see civilization, and when I do, I'm a little to enthusiastic when I see other people, and I drive them off. What should I do?

(sorry for all the typos!)

So you're homeschooled, right? Do you want to interact with more people your age? Is there anyone at your church you could befriend?

I don't go to church anymore. the preachers wife did some bad things to my mommy, and she was fed up and now I hardly ever leave my house. we did have a youth group, but they cut ties with us.

Well, I guess the first thing you should do is go talk with your mother and tell her that you are lonely and don't have any opportunities to meet anyone.

I tried that, but my mom wants me to learn to be happy with myself before I try to make friends, until then, the closest thing I have to that is here.

Did you ask your mom why she feels that way about keeping you by yourself? How does she suggest you learn to be happy with yourself?

It's always good when you can feel good about yourself; do you? Have you ever tried writing down all the stuff you like about yourself? Was it a long list?

Some homeschoolers attend groups for homeschooled children. Could that be a reward for good behavior maybe?

Were there activities from school that you miss? What did you like best?

the only homeschooling group in my town is Christian and mom tries to keep me away from religion, so that's out of the question. Frankly, I don't want anything to do with it either. I don't have time to type the rest, but bye for now!

Public schools are full of immature people. Even if you became insanely popular, like I was for a time, even if half of the entire school became your fans, the other half will still consist of people who are against you (and if that were not bad enough there would be invisible forces at work which try to keep you separated from the cool/popular group and instead force you into classes with the problem-groups). I am absolutely 1000% certain that it is worse these days so staying out of public-school is definitely the right decision for you in my estimation. You can learn just about everything you need to learn from looking them up on You-Tube these days and/or going to a library and finding out-of-print books on them anyway.

I am sure you can figure out something to do that will help make you feel happy with yourself. Just so you know, when we are Aspies, our learning curve is a bit different than other people. Are you familiar with the story of the Ugly Swan who then became The Most Beautiful Swan amongst all of the Swans by the time she became an adult? Similarly, our learning curve for a lot of things can be like that, most of us being something like Late-Bloomers. I am sure that you can still be a fashion-designer if you wanted. Regarding what you should do about your situation in wanting to make friends, I will recommend that you learn to speak other languages, because it seems to go a very long way in being able to sky-rocket your popularity if you're able to translate/interpret for people who do not speak the language.

That is what I would recommend to help you be able to be better-prepared for when you do have the opportunity to be out to meet with civilisation (this way, they are less-likely to be driven off, and it's always good to gain allies/friends from other countries, especially if you cannot trust the people from your own, and it will be extremely valuable for you if you can develop a level of fluency to be able to communicate with even those who do not speak any English). I might also recommend learning how to grow your own organic-food at home since food is becoming even more and more expensive for everybody these days and learn it whilst you are still at a young age. Here is a video-clip of someone who explains how it is done and don't forget to read all of the comments to the video so that you don't miss anything important...

Thank you! we were just talking the other day about the language thing. OwO

If it goes down to the point where your mother is keeping you from interacting with other children just because of her experiences with religion, that's borderline abusive. Children need social interaction to develop, and generally to be happy.

How have things been going this summer, Midnightstar16? I hope things have been a bit better.

I agree with Ban-Dodger,

I too tried to be like the people around me that seemed to have it all, but you are just not them- plain and simple.

Learn to love yourself, but understand that you can learn small things here and there from other people.

Thats what i eventually took from high school, i was bullied pretty bad.