Do you like both giving and receiving advice?

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underwater
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20 Jun 2016, 3:51 pm

When I decided to become a member of WP, I gave myself free rein to be myself. I figured I'll never get to understand myself if I keep second-guessing myself on a forum full of autistic people. This way I am figuring out which parts are the real me and which parts are pretend.

One conclusion, which I guess is obvious to all who know me, is that I'm a bit of a besserwisser; I love giving advice and solving problems. That said, I think the motivation behind it is different from your average NT.

The thing is that I love it when people give me useful advice. I never had anyone help me with anything; in the event that people ever gave me advice on life, it was worse than useless, since the advice people gave me presumed social and organisational skills I didn't have.

I've noticed, though, that a lot of people who love to give advice would not like to hear it from others - they really think they are experts on everything, and take umbrage at the suggestion that they might not know something. Every bit of life skills I have was dearly bought; I would have loved to have something like WP in my teens and twenties, for those moments when I felt completely confused and unable to make a decision because the possible interpretations of a situation were limitless...........

Anybody else who feels like this? Do you enjoy being corrected when you are wrong, do you like it when people give you a reasonable explanation for something that's going on? Or do you prefer that people don't bother you with their opinions?


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AJisHere
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20 Jun 2016, 4:25 pm

I do like when people share their insights and advice with me, yes!


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drlaugh
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20 Jun 2016, 5:19 pm

I try to only give it when asked.
Listening instead of fixing is still a challenge.
Taking it depends on the source.

Last year I got some at work
Barriers and force field went up.
After initial shock the real words helped a lot.


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Ganondox
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20 Jun 2016, 5:45 pm

I like advice when I'm looking for it, otherwise I prefer giving advice.


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slw1990
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20 Jun 2016, 6:40 pm

Yes, I like getting feedback as long as it doesn't seem manipulative. I also like helping others.



kraftiekortie
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20 Jun 2016, 6:47 pm

I like helping people.

I don't believe I know everything there is to know. Even the greatest genius doesn't know everything there is to know. And I'm no genius.

I've gotten better at receiving advice over the years. When I was a child, I didn't like people giving me advice at all.



beakybird
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20 Jun 2016, 7:21 pm

I love sharing perspectives with introspective, insightful people who can articulate what they think about and break it down in an analytical way. I do this all the time with myself and others. I can't resist offering anything I think that would help when I identify with someone's feeling or issue. Otherwise I try to stay very surface or out of it altogther. I try hard to not offer advice, but more lead others to different perspectives. Give people different angles, some off the wall s**t sometimes.

I love when people do this for me. It's just so hard to find because whenever someone tries they can't adequately engage me in a critical thinking discussion. If you present me with a recommendation, i want to analyze it with you. Bounce off a few rebuttals. People take this as arguing. I see why. But I'm not, it's just trying to walk through something to see if it's viable not just taking meaningless nice words because they are nice.

On the other hand, I'm trying to learn when trusted people give me advice I don't understand, sometimes it's better to just try.



SilverProteus
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20 Jun 2016, 7:31 pm

Depends, sometimes people are looking more for support rather than advice, and giving unsolicited advice can be a rather bad thing.

As for me, I usually don't mind receiving advice, but I take it all with a huge grain of salt. People who give advice usually say what they would do in your situation...but they're not you...understand?


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beakybird
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20 Jun 2016, 8:51 pm

SilverProteus wrote:
Depends, sometimes people are looking more for support rather than advice, and giving unsolicited advice can be a rather bad thing.

As for me, I usually don't mind receiving advice, but I take it all with a huge grain of salt. People who give advice usually say what they would do in your situation...but they're not you...understand?


Yes. I'm trying hard to better develop this understanding. It's hard for me to fight urge to try and solve someones problem when all they want is someone to hear them out and let them go.



nick007
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21 Jun 2016, 12:13 am

I like giving advice but I don't do it a lot on here because I feel like others can articulate themselves better than me. I also like receiving advice even thou there were many times when I did not act like I wanted to hear it. I post about things to analyze situations & sort things out. Sometimes I know certain advice won't work for me but trying to explain why it won't helps me analyze the situation even thou it comes off to others as arguing with them.


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underwater
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22 Jun 2016, 3:59 am

Thank you all for the answers. I had to think a bit about this, that's why I'm answering late.

@kraftiekortie: I relate a lot. I like helping people too. I think it to some extent has to do with feeling like I was in storage for large parts of my life. Perhaps not true altruism, but what is? I like to know some people could avoid making the mistakes I've made.

Also, I think sometimes people think I'm talking about things I don't know anything about, and I'm not good at expressing why I have a certain opinion. The thing is that I have spent my life very systematically learning things I am crap at, experiencing new situations, travelling to new places, talking to people from all over the world and asking them about their experiences. Because I felt so alone, I thought I had to be prepared for just about any eventuality, and be able to master just about any activity on my own.

I was not good at taking advice as a child. My mom used to yell at me "I can't tell you anything! You don't want to listen!" The truth is I would catch the two first sentences, and then I'd be lost. A lot of the time I had no idea what she was talking about, and she didn't understand what were my challenges.

Now I am surrounded by people who actually listen to me and whose opinion I respect, my attitude has changed considerably. Also, I have a better attention span :D

@SilverProteus and beakybird: I find it often helps to ask people questions.....while trying to avoid being intrusive. Obviously, on WP, just about anything goes, which is a relief. Somebody here once mentioned that auties had a narcissistic streak. That is possible. However, narcissists don't strike me as being genuinely interested in other people.

I feel that language is one of my few strengths in this world. That I can make people think. I use language like a sonar, to get some reaction from people that I can work with.

Sorry if this was a lot of me, me, me. However, the alternative to talking about yourself is often talking about other people, which is not very charming. I once was criticized by a guy who said I started every sentence with "I", and that this was a sign I was self-centered. Pot calling kettle black, in this case. What he didn't get is that I do it because I don't like generalizing and assuming others feel the same as me, However, that was when I resolved to get over my fear of asking questions. So his criticism was useful, just not in the way he thought.


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underwater
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22 Jun 2016, 6:15 am

One other thing that I have trouble with: I have a really hard time just sitting and listening to a conversation. I zone out, and it's really obvious to others. By engaging with the person speaking, I manage to pay attention.

I don't know how introverts do it. If I was just sitting and politely listening, I'd be perpetually lost in my own little la-la-land.

How do introverts do it?


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Starfoxx
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04 Jul 2016, 8:03 am

I like to give advice and get advice. I might not take all the advice but it's interesting to know what other people think.