what should i have done?

Post Reply New Topic

So I just finished my college course and so im now 19 years old and ready to go to uni apparently, but during those 2 years there was a guy who did numerous things to me all the way through, to list them:

everyday, especially towards the end of the year, he'd tell me i was going to fail and that i should just stop trying.

most days, he'd tell me to just kill myself. i was ill for a week one time and he commented on how much better it was without me, and asked me if i could take more days off or better yet just end myself.

in the second year (this one thats just ended) he figured out that i don't like being touched, i don't like human contact (unless possibly with someone im meant to be on a romantic level with...i don't know ive never had that relationship), i wont even shake someones hand. so he decided it would be hilarious to put his hand on my arm or rub my arm and watch me recoil and get annoyed, he even one or two times decided to see my reaction if he put his hand on my leg, which was just borderline creepy and im afraid to say it, he got a bigger and more annoyed reaction from it. but his friends called him gay so he didn't do the leg anymore, just the arm, he would get the attention of his friends in the class (when they were, sometimes they'd work in our class even though they were in a different one to get work done) and then show them that i react like that to being touched, in order to laugh at and mock me, even get his friends to try it to see the different ways they could get me to react and see if i had some sort of meltdown after enough of it (which they never got, luckily).


see the problem is, one time i did say "what if i just reported you for telling me to kill myself all the time and touching me like that?" and he and his friends said they would swear that the guy did nothing and that i was making it up. i feel like there would be nothing i could do, why would they believe me over 7 people saying the same thing?

Thats bullying. I think the only thing that works to stop it is by being confident and not allowing him to act that way towards you. I used to also not stand up for myself and tried to ignore it but that's wrong advice and makes things worse. It's only much later that I realised that.

problem is that i did try that, but then he just laughed at me and mocked what i was trying to say , either that or he would just ignore and forget it and carry on doing it

He would do that. You should hurt them or destroy their belongings. Then he will not bully you anymore

Forgive my forwardness, but he sounds gay.

I'll just say it. I've seen this SOOOO many times and most of the time, the bully is actually quite gay. (I feel like I can say that because I have an excellent gaydar for being gay myself. XD) If that's the case, there's a couple options.

Report him anyway. It's harassment; let people know. Who cares what they say? He's obviously making your life hell, so make his hell by reporting his lousy bum to the campus authorities.

Or~

Do something gay back. He's obviously in denial. If he thinks you're gay, then hey! Maybe he'll actually stay away from you.

haha an interesting plan, i actually am gay, but the problem with reporting him is his friends, they would all swear that he didn't do anything, i really did get the gay vibe from him, i once yelled (after he started touching me to annoy me) "GET OUT OF THE CLOSET for gods sake". haha he went all quiet after that, but soon resumed after about a day or so because the problem around here is that being gay is not accepted here, its something people believe is a choice and is wrong so if i were to actually show it id have been hated even more, and theres no way anyone would have believed me if i tried to convince people that he was. to be honest im glad we are going our seperate ways though, im going to coventry university and he is doing this HNC course thing along with his friends, its done at the college i went to, so ill be leaving him far behind. I had this conversation with his closest friend with me saying "god its like he's in love with me or something" and he says "yeah" haha i think im not the only one whose picked up on it.

i just wondered because it seemed pretty deadlocked, since his friends would protect him from being reported properly i don't think there was anything i could do, i was just wondering what i maybe should have done.

Gotcha. Glad you two are going separate ways though. It took me a long time to realize that most bullies are simply bullies because they like whoever they're bullying. I wish him luck in getting his psych checked and feeling more comfortable with his sexuality. XD

And I feel ya. Being gay is very hard still in some places, even though it's being more widely accepted finally. Despite having been out of the closet for a couple years now, I still get verbally attacked and abused by random people in my hometown.

My advice: use your phone (or some other recording device) to record audio when you are near him, if he encourages you to kill yourself or does some other incriminating thing then either use it to report him or you could even blackmail him with it if you want. You could also try to take a video, wear a shirt with a front pocket and put your phone in it with the camera exposed.

I was thinking the same thing: he probably likes you or that's the only way he can "get away" with touching another man.


You should know, you still can report him. Even if you think it will fail, you can try. Don't give up before you even try!

Jesus.

I think this guy is down low or repressed and that's why his bullying has reached this unbelievable level. He's jealous of you and can't handle you being open about yourself and not hiding like he does. I just read this thread and was like wow. That's stuff that happens in a movie.

Before being a mom ended my going out life, I was mostly friends with post-college gay men. No one would even THINK about bullying them. All of them knew how to fight and could come out with the most foul and incredible come backs that would instantly shut anyone up. I guess they had to develop these skills early. They all had great jobs and were doing well in life, but could clearly take care of themselves if anyone messed with them.

So anyway, I would memorize a few horrible, HORRIBLE things to say and then loudly unload on him each and every time he did something. I would hammer hard on him being down low gay and you not being interested. I'd talk about his mom and DAD even. Like say you're sorry you don't want to touch him like his dad did. Get my drift? Something awful. Make up and then memorize maybe 3-5 things at a time in case you need them.

Then I would NEVER mess with him or acknowledge him unless he started it. To like, train him like a dog to not bother you.

yeah, he just laughs all that sort of stuff off like i said, but im glad im leaving him behind, im just worried im going to get another Alex (thats his name by the way.....) when i go to uni, like what if it happens again? so i thought it would be best to prepare.....hmmm, i wonder if i can plan that far in advance without knowing this future person. its bound to happen, i attract bullies everywhere i go it seems, i was bullied by my entire class from primary school to high school, then with just Alex and his best friend in sixth form (or college as its called here in england?) which some of us took to calling them an old married couple, so when i go to uni i just know im going to get more people, it might even be harder to get rid of them then before because they seem to be becoming more clever each time. im too sure about being that mean to them, like it seems a little personal doesn't it? plus id probably mess it up because i tend to stutter when im trying to say something clever (which makes things MUCH worse).

No, you're not likely to run into this level of bullying at university. I would call the level you're experiencing an "epic" level. It's too easy to get away from other people when you're in college.

Now when you start working you could run into this again, but it won't be blatant like that. Work bullies are more subtle and will do things like try to sabotage you and take credit for your work.

well thats kind of terrifying, i don't think id pick up on subtle attacks.....which kind of makes me paranoid...im just lucky i have 3 years of uni to go so i don't have to worry for quite some time