Socially alienated because of politics

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This isn't something I don't necessarily have a huge problem with but it is something I have become more aware of in recent years.

It's normal for friends to grow and drift apart over the years. It doesn't mean that your friendship wasn't meaningful but rather that your lives are going in different directions. That's perfectly okay to happen and you may even drift back together sometime later on.

However what if there is a strong rift between you and a large portion of your friends due to the political climate? Whether it is because of an election or a referendum or even a general ideological stance, this can really test the strength of your friendships.

I consider myself to be fairly open minded. For instance, I'm an atheist and anti-theist but I am more than happy to be associated with religious people. I'm a liberal but that doesn't mean I am incapable of being friends with a conservative. It doesn't mean I am okay with those ideologies but rather I don't dehumanise people because they have different ideals than me. Also, I like to be challenged so I tend to welcome lots of political discussion in my group of friends. Whether someone is far right, far left, libertarian or totalitarian I want people to challenge my perceptions and help me hone my critical thinking skills. I can also still love people even if we are very different from each other.

Most of my friends seem to be of a liberal persuasion which doesn't seem surprising. A lot of them are really into social justice causes, which I admire. I do have many reservations about their viewpoints, but I always like to have an opportunity to be proven wrong (as stubborn as I can be). What I do find difficult is that some of my friends will outright reject other friends if they don't comply with their beliefs.

For example one of my closest friends unfriended me on Facebook and refused to talk to me because we had a disagreement regarding Gamergate. I know that was a very divisive issue, but I didn't think it was worth rejecting friends over. I felt hurt because he didn't even apologise when he did finally add me as a friend after being convinced by a different friend to do so. Incidentally, it was because of this mess that I wasn't added to a group discussion of the rest of our friends. They claim that they thought they did add me but I'm pretty sure he had something to do with why I wasn't added. This was also during a time when I lived in a different city so I couldn't easily meet up with them in person. I felt isolated and hurt when I needed my friends the most.

I often feel like I have to walk on eggshells for people's sensitivities for fear of their wrath and social rejection. That frenemy of mine was the reason I was socially cut off from a good chunk of my friends for a while, so what is going to happen if more of my friends act like this?

Many of my friends have adopted a style of argumentation akin to an angry teenager because they feel so passionately about their beliefs. Some of them will drink out of "Male Tears" mugs and they they are misandrists ironically (or maybe not so ironically). I think it's awesome they are so passionate, but the way they treat these serious social issues with such immaturity, lacking in the reverence these topics deserve, is very insulting to everyone's intelligence. They're adults. Why can't they behave like adults?

I just hate when dogmatic politics and ideologies ruin perfectly good social units. I'm not afraid to be challenged or offended. I like when my friends disagree with me on stuff because we can learn more that way. It teaches me to be patient and hear people out and I know I'm not perfect in that respect. I know I have definitely lost my temper with friends over political stuff and I'm not particularly proud of it.

I also don't find any solace in "anti-SJW" communities because too many of them are just a mouthpiece for far right rhetoric that mirrors the shrill yammering of the far left. I don't want to get suckered into something just as nauseatingly crappy just so I can feel validated. I'd just as easily be completely iconoclastic at this rate.

I just don't know where I stand with people anymore. I know most of my friends care about me, but I just wish that some of them had a healthy distance between their idealology and their interpersonal lives.

Is this something people can relate to? Also, if this isn't appropriate for this forum, I'm happy to delete this post and move it to the politics forum. I just feel like the focal point of this is the feeling of being isolated by people you though of as friends.

Last edited by MindBlind on 26 Jul 2016, 4:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

IMHO our political mess is related to two incompatible philosophies, each fighting to eliminate the other. no middle ground there. it reminds me of Rudyard Kipling, "east is east, west is west, and never the twain shall meet."

It depends on what you mean by "our". In my country there is a clear divide in politics but it's more than left wing vs right wing. There's also unionist vs nationalist, european vs British, Scottish vs British, loyalist vs republican (and yes, these terms have a different meaning here in the UK than it does in the US, for instance).

But I suppose if we are just looking at the Left vs Right dichotomy then yes, I see what you mean. Still, I don't agree with that assessment. There are times when left wing and right wing ideologies can merge. For example, the Social Market Exonomy (or 'Rhine Capitalism') merges the free market and socialism together and it's an economic/political model that helped Germany recover after the Second World War. So I think it is possible for the two sides to converge at some point.

I don't believe amuuricans can handle the nuance of the third way, otherwise we'd have done so. some hold out hope that, in the words of Governor James R. Thompson of Illinois, "America eventually does the right thing, but only after exhausting all other possibilities."

Id like to quote the game "L.A. Noire"

Peace
TK

I think both could be very fertile areas of discussion---provided an agreement is reached to keep it civil (perhaps in writing!)

The problem is not only one with individuals of the Left, but of the Right. However, the Left seems to have it and on a more serious level. Just examine the history of the Spanish Civil War and you'll see that Franco won because the Left couldn't get its act together. This attitude was mocked by comedian John Belushi, quoted by Bob Woodward in the book Wired:

"All right, I don't want to bring anyone down ... [But] if you're not a black homsexual working-class woman, you're an oppressor pig. You deserve to die".
- John Belushi

It's a joke, of course, but like any good joke, it does have some basis in reality. And that reality shows up whenever one of your putative "friends" decides to unfriend you or worse. They regard you as an oppressor, so I would stop oppressing them and have no further contact with such. And you should then feel like this:

why can't the left have the discipline of the right? why do they have to be so wayward and ornery?

Hi MindBlind,

Oh yes, I've definitely made enemies simply for having different religious or political views from other people.

As for people fighting and ignoring online over something like Gamergate,
it strikes me as immature ...
That said, I'm one of those crazy Star Trek fans and I make enemies
just by showing up to a meeting or an event dressed in costume and announcing my name as "Q."
And this is groups of adults I'm talking about ... smh.
Mostly adults who pretend to hold the rank of "Captain" or higher.
The lower-ranking members of a ship seem to like me better.
It's because the "people in charge" consider me a threat
because I value my freedom and won't play the social hierarchy game
so that they automatically "win".

Anyways.
Yeah, there are some adults who remain immature,
and I won't even blame it on being an Aspie vs. NT thing,
it's just a human thing.

As for you and me personally, we have vastly different beliefs.
For starters, I believe in God.

My motto these days is,
"Acknowledge God,
take the next right step,
and be a sign of hope to those around you."

I like to think that people can hold different beliefs
and still treat each other with respect,
even be friends ...
or at least treat each other with decency and common courtesy.

...