How common is this?

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Hi:
How many of you in here have had friends wanting to invite you to something but their other friends and family have a problem with us being there?

My question would be:

How do these friends of yours treat you overall? Do they spend time with you, getting together one-on-one, or include you in other things, other parts of their life?

These are highly personal questions, so I can understand if you'd rather not answer them in a public post.

As for how common it is, cliques are an unfortunate (and terrible) part of human nature. Small, tight-knit groups will form and in the worst cases, exclude people just so the original members of the group can feel "superior." This can happen consciously or unconsciously.

What gets me ticked off are the groups that claim to be "open to the public" and "looking for new members" that whine about how nobody ever joins their club ... and the irony is that the same people that are whining are rude and unwelcoming when new people show up wanting to join.

I am talking about friends who have families and friends who get to know you and even say that they "Like you a lot." Yet when your friends try to invite you to their things those friends and families remind them "I like them a lot but this just isn't a good time. They do XYZ and that can be hard to handle right now. Maybe another time?" So you are left out.

I want to know if this is common in the aspie community.

Don't really know how common this is.

That said, are there some "house rules" that must be obeyed when visiting these people that you could agree to?

As a simple example, some people have a house rule where you remove your shoes first thing when you enter the house so you don't track mud and dirt all over the clean rugs and floors.

Another example is when I've gone to visit two different sisters. One sister has a rule that she doesn't want people to use the computer or hang out on the Internet when they come to visit. The other sister is okay with visitors using the computer and surfing the Internet.

Different people, different rules ... what stays the same is, whoever is in charge of the house makes the rules.

For me it's always about talking too much, being too loud or too hyper. Others have had a problem with my personality being too "Bubbly" or perky.

Ha! Well, I would probably like you.

Though I do have auditory processing issues, so I might ask you politely to speak in a quieter tone sometimes.

Here's just my sense of things, and please remember that my opinion is that of a complete stranger on the Internet, so I may be a little off:

1) Too loud ... that can be easily fixed if you're willing to be a little quieter and if the people you're dealing with will be kind enough to let you know their needs in a polite way.

2) Too hyper ... ? ?? ??? I don't quite get this one. I can't tell if this is a real problem or not. Maybe this one just comes down to you and the people who are complaining not being compatible? Maybe these people just aren't right for you? How does one define "hyper" anyways, or "too hyper"? Or it could be something else ...

Personal Note: I once had a lady who disliked me tell me that I was "too passionate." Apparently she was jealous of the easy way I could be enthusiastic and have fun. So what I learned was that this person was not friendship material for me. Meanwhile, I have an art instructor who loves me, because I have passion! Go figure. So hopefully there are people out there who can accept you as yourself.

3) Too bubbly or perky? ?? ??? This is kind of like the "too hyper" thing. I'm assuming you're not "swinging from the chandeliers" as they say. I've found that there are a lot of dull, boring people who don't like creative types hanging around them. Maybe that's what's going on in your case?

If so, it sounds like your friends like you ... but their friends and families don't, because you don't fit the larger group culture. If that's what's going on, it can be hard to deal with. Then it gets down to, how good are these friends to you otherwise.

No, I don't hang from chandeliers and no most of these are not creative people. Though there was one guy on the autism spectrum who didn't want me around because of my hyperactivity due to sensory processing. He was very creative. Though he did had a shallow side where he only prefers to be around people who can hold deep conversations.