Do you think my friend was stupid doing this?

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Jamesy
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18 Aug 2016, 3:16 pm

My friend told me yesterday a story that there was an incident a year ago where he walked through the park and he spotted an former female friend of his (the last time he spoke to her in early 2014 he was rude to her)

As my friend walked past her he noticed she 'glanced at him' and interpreted that as a positive signal. He followed his gut and went up to talk to her and she was very aggressive towards him.

Do you think my friend was a bit foolish to go up and talk to her just because she made eye contact?



kraftiekortie
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18 Aug 2016, 5:55 pm

In what way was this girl "aggressive" towards your friend?



Jamesy
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18 Aug 2016, 6:06 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
In what way was this girl "aggressive" towards your friend?



she sweared at him



kraftiekortie
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18 Aug 2016, 6:07 pm

Nope...wasn't a smart thing to do.



Jamesy
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18 Aug 2016, 6:33 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Nope...wasn't a smart thing to do.



What might have my friend thought though when she glanced at him?



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18 Aug 2016, 6:35 pm

Jamesy wrote:
My friend told me yesterday a story that there was an incident a year ago where he walked through the park and he spotted an former female friend of his (the last time he spoke to her in early 2014 he was rude to her)

As my friend walked past her he noticed she 'glanced at him' and interpreted that as a positive signal. He followed his gut and went up to talk to her and she was very aggressive towards him.

Do you think my friend was a bit foolish to go up and talk to her just because she made eye contact?


If their last interaction was him being rude to her, it probably wasn't the best idea.


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18 Aug 2016, 6:37 pm

Yes probably not the best idea if their last interaction was him being rude to her...how rude was he to her exactly?


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Jamesy
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18 Aug 2016, 7:01 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Yes probably not the best idea if their last interaction was him being rude to her...how rude was he to her exactly?



Well I think he made it clear that he didn't want to hang out with her anymore.

Do you think it was easy for him to mistake her 'glancing at him' as being a friendly gesture?



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19 Aug 2016, 10:33 am

She was hostile to him out of mistrust and resentment because he rejected her and she is still hurt.

Here is an example of something that you could do:

What I did was cut someone out of my life last year because I didn't like how things were going. Though I ignored them on facebook, I decided to be civil when I saw them in person but at a distance.

I saw then in person 6 months after I cut them out of my life and though I said hi to them in passing. What they did in return was a wave at me nod their head in acknowledgement. Then I just moved on and invested in my own life.



animalcrackers
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19 Aug 2016, 8:19 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Do you think my friend was a bit foolish to go up and talk to her just because she made eye contact?


Depends on what he said, and what he was expecting.

If he went over to apologize or to just "test the waters" and see if they could still be friends, I don't think that's foolish.

If he went over acting like he'd never been rude or rejected her, expecting her to just be happy to see him and act like nothing had ever happened, that could be called foolish.

Jamesy wrote:
Do you think it was easy for him to mistake her 'glancing at him' as being a friendly gesture?


I don't know. Can he read facial expressions? If he can't read them, or has trouble with it, then maybe it's an easy mistake for him to make. I don't know if a lot of people would make the same mistake or not.

Just glancing at someone doesn't necessarily mean anything or count as a gesture.....it just means you've noticed them. I think you need other nonverbal signals to make it a friendly gesture -- like if you look a person and smile or nod your head at them, then it's a friendly gesture.


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Jamesy
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20 Aug 2016, 11:03 am

animalcrackers wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Do you think my friend was a bit foolish to go up and talk to her just because she made eye contact?


Depends on what he said, and what he was expecting.

If he went over to apologize or to just "test the waters" and see if they could still be friends, I don't think that's foolish.

If he went over acting like he'd never been rude or rejected her, expecting her to just be happy to see him and act like nothing had ever happened, that could be called foolish.

Jamesy wrote:
Do you think it was easy for him to mistake her 'glancing at him' as being a friendly gesture?


I don't know. Can he read facial expressions? If he can't read them, or has trouble with it, then maybe it's an easy mistake for him to make. I don't know if a lot of people would make the same mistake or not.

Just glancing at someone doesn't necessarily mean anything or count as a gesture.....it just means you've noticed them. I think you need other nonverbal signals to make it a friendly gesture -- like if you look a person and smile or nod your head at them, then it's a friendly gesture.






My friend said she glanced a him and had a open mouth expression (not smiling)



animalcrackers
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20 Aug 2016, 3:27 pm

Jamesy wrote:
My friend said she glanced a him and had a open mouth expression (not smiling)


Hmmm...I am not sure what that would mean, but I probably wouldn't interpret it as friendly.


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Jamesy
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20 Aug 2016, 9:26 pm

animalcrackers wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
My friend said she glanced a him and had a open mouth expression (not smiling)


Hmmm...I am not sure what that would mean, but I probably wouldn't interpret it as friendly.



Why do you say that? An open mouth expression would mean 'suprise'



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20 Aug 2016, 9:43 pm

Jamesy wrote:
animalcrackers wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
My friend said she glanced a him and had a open mouth expression (not smiling)


Hmmm...I am not sure what that would mean, but I probably wouldn't interpret it as friendly.



Why do you say that? An open mouth expression would mean 'suprise'


Because surprise is separate from friendliness and surprises can be good or bad.


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21 Aug 2016, 9:31 am

Yeah, the mouth hanging open means that she was shocked to see him and maybe even a bit intimidated. The best thing to do in a situation like that would be to wave at her and keep on walking or just ignore her and wait for a response from her. Otherwise, the ball would be in her court by letting her come up him and talk.



Jamesy
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21 Aug 2016, 11:47 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Yeah, the mouth hanging open means that she was shocked to see him and maybe even a bit intimidated. The best thing to do in a situation like that would be to wave at her and keep on walking or just ignore her and wait for a response from her. Otherwise, the ball would be in her court by letting her come up him and talk.



I wonder why she would be intimidated?