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Do you lack social initiative?
Yes 93%  93%  [ 25 ]
No 7%  7%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 27

RetroGamer87
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28 Jul 2016, 5:04 pm

I find that a lot of the time I'm happy to go along with almost any sort of outing or social occasion but I'm never the one to propose it. Most of the time I only go to my friends houses when they suggest it or when I have some specific purpose in mind. The same with social outings. Someone else suggests it and I comply. Most of my friends made friends with me rather than vice versa.

It can be for other things. People think I don't like hugging. I don't really mind it's just that I never initiate them. I've noticed some NTs will hug eachother when they barely know each other but I can't tell who'll find it acceptable so I never initiate it. Most of the time I don't even offer a handshake, I wait for them to extend their hand.

Is this type of thing common among aspies?


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kraftiekortie
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28 Jul 2016, 5:07 pm

I like to do things on my own most of the time.

But I don't totally lack "social initiative." I initiate conversations sometimes.

But when it comes to "events," I have no "initiative."

If I do initiate socially, though, it usually turns out somewhat awkward.



RetroGamer87
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28 Jul 2016, 5:42 pm

Initiate conversations? Sometimes I have trouble with that even. Last week I was at a party and I pretty much waited for people to talk to me.

I know this is pretty dumb because if it's ok for them to start talking to me then it's ok for me to start talking to them.


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kraftiekortie
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28 Jul 2016, 5:45 pm

It's not easy for me to talk to strangers. I know exactly how you feel. I don't even go to parties any more. If I do go, I make use of my I-Phone.

The exception, when I was in my 20's, was when I saw a woman I felt attracted to. There were times when I had considerable "courage" then. The attraction was what evoked the words.



RetroGamer87
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28 Jul 2016, 6:11 pm

Yeah, at the party I have heavy use of the laptop I keep in my jacket. I guess that makes me look antisocial.


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kraftiekortie
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28 Jul 2016, 7:42 pm

Nope...no laptops in my 20's LOL. Not even primitive cell phones. No Internet. A few people had home computers with which they figured out their finances, though.



QuillAlba
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28 Jul 2016, 7:43 pm

I rolled a 5 for initiative.



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28 Jul 2016, 8:11 pm

Definitely. People sometimes joke that I act like a pet dog, just following people around and following their commands.


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Tiankay
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28 Jul 2016, 9:45 pm

Short: Yes

Long: Totally

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09 Aug 2016, 7:21 pm

Yes, but I'm not really motivated to interact with people, either. I can initiate when I have the interest to.


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creepycrawler
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22 Aug 2016, 11:31 am

Yep. Most of my friendships fade away due to this. I just never make contact.

If I hadn't been willing to go along, I wouldn't have any friends or relationships. I'm getting less willing to go along as I get older, just because I'm getting more confident to live how I really want instead of how other people think I should.


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DataB4
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30 Aug 2016, 4:13 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I find that a lot of the time I'm happy to go along with almost any sort of outing or social occasion but I'm never the one to propose it. Most of the time I only go to my friends houses when they suggest it or when I have some specific purpose in mind. The same with social outings. Someone else suggests it and I comply. Most of my friends made friends with me rather than vice versa.

It can be for other things. People think I don't like hugging. I don't really mind it's just that I never initiate them. I've noticed some NTs will hug eachother when they barely know each other but I can't tell who'll find it acceptable so I never initiate it. Most of the time I don't even offer a handshake, I wait for them to extend their hand.

Is this type of thing common among aspies?


When I come across people like this, I don't know what to do. How do I get a read on someone who doesn't take initiative? Do they want to hang out? Are they too busy? Did I do something wrong? I feel like I can't ask because it would just make them uncomfortable. Should I just take a hint? All these things go through my mind when someone doesn't invite me to go places.



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30 Aug 2016, 4:32 am

i only lack initiative when i don't see the point. the problem is i rarely see the point

still, when i do see the point, i have more initiative and determination than anyone i've ever met


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Jacoby
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30 Aug 2016, 8:29 am

yes, much to controlled by anxiety



nick007
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01 Sep 2016, 2:58 am

I relate a lot to this


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