Sister blocked me on isntagram

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Joined: 13 Sep 2011
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26 Oct 2016, 10:05 pm

Hi:
I have two sisters and one of which that I am not on good terms with. We had even agreed that we would not stay in contact because we had too much to say to each other. We haven't communicated in three and a half years. In that time, she has started her own business and has been living with her boyfriend for 9 years. They decided to elope on their 9th anniversary. I only found out when I looked at her page as I hadn't seen it in a while. I looked at her facebook and Instagram pages showing nice wedding pictures. I reached out and wished her mazal tov only to have her block me,.

whatamievendoing
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27 Oct 2016, 9:38 am

Sorry to hear that. Wish I could help you come to terms with her...

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Aspertastic424
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27 Oct 2016, 12:07 pm

Just get over it..

Summer_Twilight
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27 Oct 2016, 12:42 pm

Aspertastic424, Orange milk.

Unfortunately, this is a family who I am talking about and a wedding is a big deal. I wasn't expecting much from her but a heads up would have been nice. The real reason why I am upset is because here I reached out and said congrats and she decided to be snotty and nasty about it. So, therefore, it's more that I don't like how she's acting and I feel really sorry for her as a result.

I am fixing to confront her gently though we are not on good terms while letting her know I respect her space and attempting to send her a card.

What could I say?

Earthbound
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27 Oct 2016, 1:27 pm

It feels like she honestly doesn't want to try, so I really don't know if trying to contact her again is even worth the effort.

Summer_Twilight wrote:

That doesn't make much sense. You want to respect her space- yet you want to send her a card? That doesn't feel like you are giving her space. She blocked you! She probably could've said something instead but didn't. It's honestly best to move on. Why make things possibly worse? It feels like you must contact her no matter what, even if she refuses. That's a bit wrong in my view. It feels like she wants to just be left alone.

Summer_Twilight
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27 Oct 2016, 1:59 pm

We haven't spoken in 3 and a half years and really this is the first time that I reached out and said something. Otherwise, I have left her alone.

My parents did ask her to get in touch with me about the wedding beforehand so I would be able to know what's going on. Yet, she refused.

I also wasn't going to say much other than letting her know that I am happy for her in that she is happy being married to a long time boyfriend.

Regarding the card, that was my mom's idea.

Earthbound
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27 Oct 2016, 5:47 pm

Alright. Well its nice of you to try. I wish family were more understanding..

I havent talked to my brother in a long time (I think 3 years now? Maybe more). But I don't have a need to do it.. I've accepted it unfortunately. He lives far away and doesn't talk to any members of my family anymore really.

Aspertastic424
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27 Oct 2016, 5:51 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:

I find it very telling/interesting that you seem far more motivated to repair your broken relationship than this person is. I go to weddings and am treated somewhat badly by my family. I just deal with it and find nice people there

Summer_Twilight
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27 Oct 2016, 6:30 pm

I wish I could because I want a close relationship with both my sisters and it's hard. It's even harder when you hear of your own flesh and blood having something special like the this wedding. What's sadder is that I will not be able to see her offspring which is sad. She's mad at me because I stopped talking to her three years and a half years ago because:

1. We both have strong personalities and have jabbed fingers at each other
2. She has some control issues
3. I can't talk to her about anything like this because she flies off the handle
4. She also has kicked me when I was down several times by accusing me of "Victimizes myself."
5. I don't care to be around her because she is so insecure and the last time I saw her, she kept wanting to compete by trying to make herself sound more important and also seem to make me feel less because I am disabled.

For instance: Every time I kept talking about something that I liked, she boasted about something that she liked. It went like this,

Me: I like oranges
Sister: I like berries

She also made it sound like she was going to head off to a elite college in Europe when she wasn't ready in the first place. She was also very negative, opinionated and closed minded.

Everyone sits there and makes excuses for her behavior, which I got sick of.

Does that mean that I don't love my sister, no quite the opposite. Yet, I have been happy for her

Shahunshah
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27 Oct 2016, 7:06 pm

Damn that must be frustrating. My father was treated very poorly by his mother and nowadays it is impossible to talk to her and make her recognize some of her faults as a parent.

I guess you if want to get along well with her maybe you could let her be at the center of attention as that is where she might be most comfortable. Maybe try to make it sound as though you appreciate, admire or respect her could work as she may feel more at ease when she is around you. You might have already done this I am not sure but I think the key to making the other person less insecure is to make them feel important or knowledgeable.

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27 Oct 2016, 7:28 pm

It seems you are trying to re-connect with her, for the wrong reason----ONLY because she rejected you / didn't include you. It seems like you're only wanting to reconnect, PURELY, so you won't be rejected anymore. It seems to have become like a competition or something----like "Reject ME, will ya----I'll show YOU!" (meaning, "I'll get back in your good graces, if it KILLS me"); and, if that's what you're doing, that's manipulative (meaning, if you DO get back in her good graces, you can say "HA, I win!", to yourself).

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Summer_Twilight
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27 Oct 2016, 7:44 pm

Camping_Cat, right that is us for sure and it's always been the case. The situation has also always been about trying to make the other one jealous.

Earthbound
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28 Oct 2016, 2:24 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:

Camping_Cat, right that is us for sure and it's always been the case. The situation has also always been about trying to make the other one jealous.

Break that cycle perhaps? It shouldn't be a competition, period. Thats very unhealthy.

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28 Oct 2016, 5:14 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:

Camping_Cat, right that is us for sure and it's always been the case. The situation has also always been about trying to make the other one jealous.

Here's the way I see it..... Have you ever had an "indoor cat" that escaped, and you chased it? Did you experience that the more you chased it, the more it ran from you----and, when you left it alone, it came back? (This might happen with ANY animal----I've seen it happen with dogs and birds, as well.) This is what I see happening, possibly, with your sister. Lemme tell you MY story.....

My eldest sister UNfriended me on Facebook. My next older sister died----I didn't find-out 'til almost 2 weeks later, and only by an automated Fb email alert, that my niece (her daughter) had posted her death (it's not my primary email account, so I rarely go there). If that wasn't bad enough that no one told me my sister died, I wasn't even included in the obituary----unless you count them giving my younger sister, my last name, by mistake (I don't).

I posted on my sister's (who died) Fb page----my eldest sister saw it and messaged me on Fb, like she had been meaning to tell me (and even said she called me----which was a LIE, cuz my phone had been disconnected, for non-payment LOL). Anyway, because that was the final straw (no one told me when my mother died, years ago, either), a NEW phase of our relationship began..... I laughed at her, called her a liar if she was lying, and so-on, just to get-in ANY jab, possible..... Then, I remembered that I had figured-out, quite-a-while-ago, that my eldest sister was a narcissist (the one who died, was TOO), and that I was never, ever, EVER gonna win!! Not only was I not gonna win, by taking jabs at her (cuz she would just boo-hoo to somebody, that I was being really mean to her), I was not gonna win by all-but-BEGGING her to love me / be my friend (which I was doing, in-between the jabs); cuz, once you start needing something from a narcissist, they're GONE----cuz it's all about what THEY can get from YOU. (As long as I chased the cat, she would run farther.)

Our relationship, today..... I STILL laugh at her and call her a liar----BUT, my ego isn't steering me, anymore; NOW, when I call her a liar, I'm saying "Oh, don't even try----I'm not one of your 'groupies'", and she shuts-up; and, we've actually had some ADULT conversations (meaning, not acting childish with each other, anymore----she still tries, every-once-in-awhile, just to test if she can catch me off-guard (if I'm talking to her, I'm ALWAYS on-guard), and suck me back in again----but, I just laugh at her, and we go-back to talkin', "properly"). My contact with her remains EXTREMELY limited / controlled, by ME (cuz she's a narcissist); but, we can holler (not literal) at each other on Fb now, without all the drama. The cat came back.

(Before all of us found each other on Fb, a few years ago, we hadn't had any contact for 30+ years. Also, it might be important to note that age has absolutely NOTHIN' to do, with ANYTHING----in regard to intelligence, wisdom, "smarts", and whether or not someone is TOTALLY insecure and / or acts like a child----cuz, my sister's SIXTY-FOUR!)

Maybe you can relate to some of this. You have to let 'er GO!! Act like she's / anything she does is insignificant----cuz, if she's anything like MY sister, the last thing she wants, is to be considered insignificant----and, she'll come back.

Summer_Twilight
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28 Oct 2016, 7:49 pm

My sister is extremely narcissistic along with being very controlling along with condescending towards me. There was a time where we connected on an art site and things were going well when she started sending me private messages like

"Call grandma, she had to put her cat to sleep." (For a time time all I would do was talk about cats and she thinks that I am still stuck there)

"Call dad, he's unemployed and is having a hard time. (I decided that I needed a break from my parents because we just kept bringing the worst out in each other.) I tried to tell her that without putting them down or badmouthing when she went off on a tangent about how I victimize myself.

KimD
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28 Oct 2016, 8:19 pm

I don't really want to discourage you, but honestly, it seems to me that she doesn't want a healthy, positive relationship with you. If she doesn't, it will be impossible for you to create one with her no matter how hard you try.

I've had to let go of a niece who was essentially abducted from our side of the family by her mother, so I know it may be painful to think about letting her go. Still, ask yourself if you really want to chase after someone who treats you so badly, and if so, why? Do you actually want such dysfunction? Are your goals and aspirations realistic, or are you just hoping that somehow, something good will magically manifest itself?

You don't have to answer these questions for me; just try to answer them for your own sake. Remember: you don't owe people who are unkind to you something just because you share some strands of DNA.

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