Is making friends really that hard?

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As a person with AS, making social connections over the course of the years has been quite difficult.

But the more I consider that, it was never objectivly hard or difficult to do. I just focused on the wrong people.

There are plenty of nice people out there, people who are quiet, shy and a bit introverted. The people who I ultimately clicked with the best were people who weren't necessarily on the autistic spectrum, but who were just sort of nerdy, quieter and accepting. Smart too.

Part of me thinks the main reason people with AS experience loneliness is try to be friends with the cool kids. If only that instict stopped, they woudl be far less lonely..

Sigh.

I don't focus on the cool peeps and don't have f2f friends anyways. Lots of acquaintances. I am the one they call if they need a ride or no one else is around to hang out with. After years of this subtle sort of being used by others, I now say no more. I am alone more but being used a lot less.

I'm not interested in the "cool" people. I get along the best with people who don't have many other friends, and I usually find them to be the best kinds of people anyway. It's still hard to sniff those people out and become friends with them, though.

Hmm. I'm not nerdy so i wouldn't get along with nerdy types, besides those people behave the same as 'cool' people.

I think it can be a problem when people get the idea that only the "cool kids" are good enough to be their friends. But it can be hard to communicate well with anyone when you have Asperger's, and the nerdy types may have their own struggles as well (shyness, social awkwardness, etc). So it's not always easy even if people have a lot in common and could be very good friends.

Just find lonely people. They tend to make the best friends.

I am somewhat of an extrovert, so it isn't that hard for me to make friends. The problem is that I am at an age where others are too busy with college or family to hang out.

I think I'm super introverted . I am around people a lot though because I go into town a lot. I used to think I'm not a real person because I don't know how to socialise like most ppl.

Making friends is pretty hard unless you are super outgoing, not shy and honestly.. arent too picky. Thats how I feel at least.

I'm shy and quiet a lot .. so its easier for me to just be alone. Alone and sad and miserable. Because why bother? Anytime I am happy.. I don't get noticed. I'm pro at making online friends at times, especially since most would never meet me in real life. I don't deserve real life friends I guess.

Being picky is the absolute worst. If I were not picky I wouldnt be lonely

I lack the social cues to understand if someone is trying to be friends nor do I know how to. I'm screwed.

Yeah when you're the kind of person who likes to keep to themselves and doesn't like starting conversations with people.

This thread is a bit insensitive. I don't think that most of the people on here are only trying to befriend cool people.

Maybe you are naturally outgoing and can make conversation easily. A lot of aspies can't do that or have lost their confidence over the years from people reacting the wrong way to them.

Also, if one is quiet, then trying to make friends with another quiet person is like drawing teeth. You never really connect because neither of you can make conversation.

And do you really want to be friends with people you don't really like? I have friends that I'm just friends with because I know they need a friend, but I actually find them quite annoying and they drain me.

I feel like I'm always being the supportive one. I need someone of my own intelligence to talk to sometimes. I find my social understanding is better than some of my aspie friends and even though they are good people who mean well and are very loyal, I just need a break from them sometimes because I feel like I'm not having satisfying conversations or they're having dramas about social things that are obvious to me. I care about them, but I get so worn down being the strong one all the time.

Don't get me wrong, we do have good times too. But friendship isn't as easy as you suggest and we aren't all as superficial as you suggest.

Maybe some of us don't have or lose the ability to connect with people in any way other than superficially.

Making friends isn't truly that hard. It's difficult to maintain them, not to make them.

I suppose I could make friends if i really wanted but I'd be fake as and I've never been able to keep them