People Invite Me To Go Out But I Don't Want To Go.

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I just don't see the appeal. I don't see how going to a bar and getting pissed is fun. I like these people on a personal level, but just don't want to go out with them.

Just the other day I was giving one of them a ride home and she told me that we should go and have ice cream one of these days, or go to the movies. I love ice cream and movies but I wouldn't know what to talk about.

They are a welcoming and close-knit group of people and I feel comfortable with them. When I just joined the group some invited me to party a few times but I always came up with an excuse. Eventually they stopped asking, which I'm thankful for. It's embarrassing and awkward coming up with excuses not to go with them all the time.

Am I being stupid here? I have the opportunity to cultivate some friendships and am throwing it away?

If you feel comfortable with these people, just go...

You don't have to get hammered at the bar. If you wanted to do these people a favor, you could be designated driver. You can easily go to the bar and have one or two beers (or zero, if that's your thing too) and just have a good time with people who want to be your friend. I promise, no one worth a s**t will judge you for not getting wasty-face every time you go out (and if you're DD, they'll even appreciate it!)

I wish I had your problem.

Most people that invite me places live two or three hours away.
But will they ever drive to see me? No ... it has to be 100% convenient for them.
They literally will not give an inch, let alone a mile.

That said, I do not go to bars to party or get drunk.

But ice cream or a movie, with friendly people?
Who live nearby?
Wow ... I can dream, eh?

...

I used to feel that way. It may be good for you to go though, lately I've been going to things I didn't want to and am glad I did.

I understand about not wanting to go out, I don't even like going to movies or out for ice cream(for the most part). I don't have a whole lot of friends, because for the most part I am happy to be on my own. I prefer to have people over, however occasionally I do feel like 'going out.' My friends still continue to invite me, eventhough I have turned them down more than taken them up on their offer. They have come to understand me, I maybe see them once every 1-3 months, and we all live within a 15 minute radius. It's a personal thing, you have to do what is comfortable for you, and hopefully your friends are as accommodating and accepting as mine.

I'm exactly like you, I can relate 100%. When people invite you places, it feels like they're imposing, because they choose the time and place, and the aspie mind is not so comfortable with that loss of control.

You know the consequences of saying no all the time: they stop inviting you.

My advice, as often as you can, just get over it and force yourself to say YES.

I know the sense of dread you feel, the constant thoughts of not fitting in or having anything to say, the feeling that it's just a chore, being scared to meet new people. But I also know that despite all those negative thoughts, I usually end up having fun anyway.

People stopped inviting me places, and now I have no friends and no one to spend time with (more than once or twice per year), and that hurts a lot more than the inconvenience of having to go somewhere you might not like.

I'm glad you posted this, because I'm feeling lonely right now, at least you reminded me that even if I did have someone to invite me out, I probably still wouldn't be happy.

If you ever want to talk to someone about this problem, feel free to message me.

IMHO it's better to be asked and have the choice if you say 'yes' or 'no' than wanting to say 'yes' when you are not invited.

Say yes occasionally. Unless you are totally happy being isolated and on your own. Another poster said you know this will happen if you never say yes to anyone.
Having occasional social stimulation even for an aspie can be a good thing.

There have been official parties at my uni, but I didn't go cause I thought nobody will like me & I feel like isolationg myself very often, the commute is exhausting and I don't enjoy (probably) loud music and overall won't be able to have a good time.
I can relate.

I think the answer is yes. Nevertheless, I do the same thing.

The reason I think the answer is yes is that I know that some social contact is good for me.
The reason I don't go is that it seems like such an enormous effort and leaves me so tired the next day.

When I have gone many months with no such interaction, I feel worse off than I do in those periods when I manage to make myself go. Once or maybe twice a month seems about right.

Well, it's a mixed thing I think... doing things you hate (bars, etc) to keep a friendship just puts you in a bad mood. But if there's always a reason not to go do anything at all with them, that can be hurtful to people.

I wish I'd get invites to social events.

Aspie or not I think everyone at times would rather not go out when invited. I've had that happen so many times where I've been invited out and the whole time on the way there and was thinking to myself "why am I going, this is dumb. I don't want to go" but I pushed myself to go and I ended up having a great time! So now I try to tell myself, "you didn't want to go last time and you had fun so don't worry."

I think the thing to remember is you can go and leave at ANYTIME if you do end up feeling uncomfortable or if you aren't enjoying it, but if you at least try to put yourself out there then you wouldn't feel the way you do right now- questioning if you made the right choice. Now I wouldn't say go out every single time you're asked, but take it case by case and try not to worry or over think it.

Maybe you could explain to them how you feel? Also I understand that worry of having nothing to talk about, but I think worrying about it makes it seem worse than it really will be. I've worried about that before & it turned out that the person I was spending time with had plenty to talk about so it wasn't awkward at all. Plus if you're going to a movie you don't need to talk and if you go somewhere after you could always talk about the movie if you can't think of anything else.

I did go to one of their houses for a social gathering some time ago and it was fun enough, even so, such gatherings are not what I look forward to. People say that I'm distant and keep to myself but that's just who I am. It takes an enormous amount of energy to pretend to be more extroverted and outgoing, and I already feel burnt out as it is. There's no force to move me from this inertia.

Maybe I'm just good at coming up with excuses and reasons not to cultivate friendships. Sometimes the anxiety can be an obstacle -- I don't have the money to pay for a cab, if my mother lends me her car then I won't have where to park it, I like to sleep early to wake up early and so on...

I have a similar problem; I really like my friends but rarely feel like accepting their invitations because I'd rather finish my homework or do one of my hobbies. Sometimes I feel bad about this because I don't want my friends to think I dislike them or don't want to spend time with them. Sometimes I even end up lying; for example I tell my friend that I have to babysit so can't go to her house when I don't have to babysit at all. I also feel bad about this.

I think my advice is just to occasionally accept invitations, so that you don't get entirely left behind or excluded? Unless you don't mind that, of course. But I'd say accept the invitations which sound the most fun/easy, and decline the rest. That way your friends know you do want to spend time with them sometimes and they will keep you in their group. That's what I hope, anyway.

Yes, I thought of this a little more; if it were possible to keep things on my terms, that would be ideal. I choose where to go, what to do, etc. If my house were tidier and located downtown where practically all of them live, I would invite them over. I don't think I'll be left out or excluded because they're also the group I work with, I see them almost every day. We get along, I like them, I think they like me, but I wouldn't call them "friends" at this point. They're more like liked acquaintances. There's potential there, however.