Sensitive or Bullied?

Post Reply New Topic

Prepare for a long rant: TL;DR I am not sure if I am being bullied or I am just sensitive as the title says and I am paranoid when I receive any direct speech of any kind because I am not sure if it is meant as harm or confrontation or if it is meant as a simple statement.

So I have one pretty large central problem, and that is that I have no social sense AT ALL. I cannot tell what the motivations of someone are no matter how much I try to analyze their behavior. I am constantly aggressive and loud and I lash out at other people because I am paranoid, then they just sit there and laugh and tell me I'm delusional. So what kind of behavior is that? I am lost constantly because I cannot discern the types of behavior that I receive. Sometimes it is random spontaneous insults. Sometimes I'm not sure if they're insults or if they're jokes. I'm confident that when someone tells me I am a worthless pushover it is an insult, because I know that the word worthless has a negative connotation and pushover is a flaw that many people see in others, so combine those you have two negatives which equals insult. However beyond that I get extremely paranoid when I receive direct speech like "You walk like this" or "you talk like that" from people who I don't know because I cannot possibly understand their motivation and assume they are just trying to weaken me so they can take advantage. I have been taken advantage of MANY times and despite my efforts to become more socially aware it just continues. I can sit down in a corner and say nothing but will eventually find myself at the mercy of a manipulator and I honestly am forced to submit to these people or be threatened or physically injured. I spend a lot of my time brooding over extremely nasty things I receive from others and I am unable to understand their motive. What motivates such a negative or confrontations action? Why do I lack the need to hurt others? What are they hoping to gain and why do they have this pointless and disgusting sadistic need to cause harm to others? I don't understand.

Sorry about this, just a long rant I felt I had to get out. Thank you if you read it, thank you if you respond. I just want to know if any of you have any advice or similar situations.

It sounds like these social encounters are a real struggle. Is this happen in high school, college, workplace, or...? You're definitely spot on about the worthless pushover. Pushover can be playful (if said by the right people in the right way), but it's rarely nice, and worthless is always an insult, no matter what.

With respect to the "You walk like this" or "You talk like this" comments, I'm unsure. Could you write out a word-for-word scenario, and then I can give my opinion.

Lastly, from one aspie to another, back in middle school and early high school (and occasionally in college), I would be very aggressive and up front, thinking it was just my nature, but looking back, in certain situations, that nature of mine was actually turning me into a bully! Sometimes, I was so hyper aware of all the wrongs others were doing to me, I couldn't see how my own aggressiveness was truly hurting others. Reflect on what you say and compare that to what others say to you, and that might give you an idea. Of course, I am by no means saying you are a bully. I don't even know you!

I have trouble figuring these things too, but I think a lot of bullies know this so they try to use it to their advantage and try to gaslight. I've also heard that if you have a strong emotional reaction when you get bullied that they will feed on that and do it more. Ignoring doesn't always work either so it's very hard for me to figure out.

It's happening in High School. The word for word scenario is essentially:
Someone runs at me with a stick and hits me, I ask them what the hell they are doing, and they respond by saying they are trying to talk like I do, and mock me using somewhat odd voices that sound nothing like me.
Something else that often happens is random criticism. I say something, and people laugh and act confused and point, telling me I'm incoherent or confusing despite the fact that I structure my sentences so it comes out exactly how I want to say it, so I am left deeply confused by this.
As for the last part of your post, Ive tried changing my sort of "foreign diplomacy" with others, but it usually results in me completely drained or ganged up on by 10-11 people. Every single time I've ever tried to respond to anything anyone has said with assertion it usually results in a massive coalition of people against me, and I end up not even being able to respond verbally because I am constantly being interrupted by the gang of people who somehow all think the same things. I am usually shy and extremely anxious and as a result feel drained after any social communication. Another issue is quite the opposite around friends and family, I am hyperactive and invasive of their space, and they criticize me for being hypocritical. That is another issue entirely but I guess it's relevant a bit.

There is no magic cure for your situation. However, I suggest you be civil, but distant with other people when away from home, unless you know for sure that they are a friend to you. As for any violent contact, you must report any physical harm to the teachers, or other authorities, as this is a crime--assault. You should also tell the teachers, your therapist, and your parents about people constantly ganging up on you at school. Schools are supposed to take a strong stand against bullying, but from my own experience decades ago, I found that they didn't take it seriously. Still, things may be better now, but they are not mind readers, so you have to tell them when something is wrong.

Hope this helps.

It's has helped, thanks.

It's has helped, thanks.